05/30/2025
What a life : My MIL passed on when she came to do omugwo in the UK, and ever since then, my marriage has been in shambles.I and my husband came into the UK as students and dependents. My husband was a student while I was a dependent. I worked full-time, and my husband can only work 20 hours.
Immediately, my husband finished school. He was able to get a job working full-time and we were able to switch our visa from student visa to normal visa. At about 5/6 months into my pregnancy, we started deliberating about whose mum should come for Omugwo.Immediately, I suggested my mom because she is still young, hale and healthy and I feel like she'll be able to cope with any weather in UK compared to his mom that is a aged.
And looking at the weather in the UK,she might not be able to cope with or take care of a newborn baby well and a first-time mom. Immediately, I suggested my mom, giving these reasons, my husband flared up. He was like his mom suffered a lot on him to bring him to where he is today. And if he's going to bring anybody into the UK, it's going to be his mom. Trust me,everybody tried talking my husband out of this idea because his mom is really, really aged.
And the consideration of everybody trying to talk him out is because they know that UK weather is bipolar and it can be harsh on somebody new that is just coming. My husband refused all the advice, saying he would still bring in his mom, that the mom would eat the fruit of his labour. My MIL came in two weeks before I delivered my baby. But one unfortunate thing was that I gave birth during winter.
Immediately, she came in. She's already complaining about the cold, and the weather has been harsh on her.
Though she came in with her medications and stuff like that but they weren't helping. We tried getting medication around for her because she was already feeling too sick. She could not take care of me. She could not take care of the newborn. She could not even take care of herself.
I was the one taking care of her, taking care of the newborn and taking care of myself. It was extremely stressful for me, but I wasn't complaining. Before you say, why didn't we take her to the hospital? The kind of visa we have, if we take her to the hospital, it's going to be so expensive on us and we don't have that kind of money, but we're taking care of her so much in the house.
Until one morning, my mother-in-law could not open her eyes, could not lift her leg.She could not do anything, but she was responding slowly. That was when we knew that there's trouble, and we called the ambulance for help. She only spent like a day in the hospital before she was pronounced dead. When this was announced, my husband cried. He wailed so much that he was rolling on the floor.
As a first-time mom, I cried so much till I lost strength.
Her passing pained me to my bone marrow because i know the kind of stain and dent is going to give to me and my baby. After this we called her family to let them know what has happened there and they insisted on bringing mama home because she's a well-respected person in the family and in the environment and they would like her to be want her to be buried back home.
So it's even another expense for us preserving her body and taking it back home for a proper befitting burial. Thanks to our family and friends, we're able to take her back home for a befitting burial, but ever since my husband came back, the house has been hot. The house has been moody, the house has not been good for me and my baby.
My husband does not touch my baby, he is behaving so cranky in the house, everything I says does not even sit down well with him I and the baby were responsible for what has happened to his mom. Fine, I feel his pain, but at the same time, everybody advised him and he refused to listen to the advice. The incident has been close to a year now, and my husband is not coming back. He's not behaving like a husband and father in the house, and I am tired.
I've tried talking to family and friends, everyone said I should be patient with him that I know he's going through some pain but how many years do I have to wait before he comes out of his pain, honestly this is also affecting me because if any of these siblings are going to say anything about their late mom they would say she died when she came to do omugwo for I and my baby not knowing that she did not even do anything before for us before she passed away.
Everybody kept saying I should hold on, I should endure with him for a while. Am I supposed to be in a house my baby is not happy? I am not happy. How long will I wait in this marriage for him to get over his pain?
Nobody should say I'm not emphatic or compassionate enough, you don't want to know what I'm going through presently in the house with my baby, all I need is advice on how to handle this. I'll be in the comment section. Thank you.
Please, be nice why dropping your comment.
