Somer Phoebus

05/19/2022

07/19/2021

Why women’s ministry is hard…

You want deeper Bible study and less chit chat. I get that.

But you want community + connection so you need time for chit chat. I get that.

You don’t want too much fun. After all, you’re an introvert. I get that.

But fun is what disarms you as the extrovert, so you would really prefer it. I get that.

You want a Bible teacher that doesn’t talk for too long or intimidate you. I get that.

But you want a Bible teacher that always knows more than you and has all the right answers. I get that.

You want an atmosphere that welcomes your thoughts + opinions + deep feels. I get that.

But you want someone to control the over-sharer because she’s too much for you. I get that.

You want conversation. I get that.

But it annoys you when we get off topic. I get that.

You want to learn. I get that.

But you don’t want to feel like anyone is smarter than you. I get that.

You want accountability. I get that.

But it better not be judgment. I get that.

Listen, I get all of it. Truly.

But as I’ve talked to A LOT of ministry leaders, I need you to know, they’re exhausted trying to make us happy. And they’re also convicted because that’s not what they’re called to do. Ministries exist to make us more like Jesus and they will operate however JESUS sees fit. So it probably won’t look exactly the way you or I think it should.

So, here’s my challenge today. Let’s check ourselves. Use these 5 true/false statements to evaluate your hearts (fyi - true is not the answer you want)…

1. I speak negatively about my church, a ministry in my church, and/or its leadership

2. I often think I could do it/teach it/run it better

3. I come when I “feel” like it

4. I come so people know I came

5. I think I’m too smart for the group (pride) or I’m intimidated because I’m not smart enough (still pride)

The church isn’t FOR us. The church IS us. Don’t get it twisted gals.

05/17/2021

•I’m a free spirit who’s okay with a schedule as long as it includes fun
•Somewhere right between left brain and right brain
•Love admin work as long as I get breaks to be creative
•Love to be creative as long as I get to organize the process
•Overwhelm is my biggest hurdle
•Simplicity is my brain’s best friend and my productivity’s greatest partner

I always thought all of the that 👆🏼 made me super weird. Turns out, I’m not only NOT alone in this but there are A LOT of you like me — weird too.

This thing that’s coming... it’s from years of helping women at She Works His Way simplify — NOT for the purpose of ease but for the purpose of PURPOSE.

Procrastinators, over-achievers, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, this is for you. Stay tuned! I literally can not wait to get it in your hands.

03/16/2021

What’s the end goal here, church?

09/30/2020

I don’t hate it.

09/22/2020

Y’all go on putting your pumpkins out. I tried but somehow my fall update went lighter and brighter. We’ll try again in October but for now it’s still summer in here. Like it always is, in my heart. ☀️🌊
Also, we’re moving in November. NOT leaving Annapolis (please Jesus, never🙏🏼) actually you’ll crack up when you see where we are going but stay tuned for plenty of house fun.🤣
Also - also, I wanted to show you my plants - I grow plants now. Would you just look at me and nature getting along?

09/17/2020

For your viewing pleasure, I present the Phoebus Pham, in all their young glory, circa 2003-ish.
It’s been a little crazy in our world. Big kids do not need more outdoor play during a pandemic, they need every ounce of mental and emotional energy you have though.
We/they made some big decisions in the last month. We’ve got one who just decided to grow up and move out so that she could go be a blessing to some of our favorite people who in return are also blessing her so BIG! (Yes young moms, it’s as weird as you would imagine when they get in their car and go “home” to a place that is not your home -- BUT IT’S ALSO AWESOME -- don’t be scared!) and then one choosing to forego senior year and graduate early to avoid one more painful second of “laptop” school which freed her up to start being her dad’s #1 assistant at the church + let her start a little side biz that has her meal prepping and cooking healthy dinners and baked goods for tired parents who want desperately to sit down and enjoy a family meal but who are also done feeding people in 2020.
And Kent and I are just here trying to aim them well and remind them (and ourselves) that outside of God’s commands on our life there are no rules and no expectations, so if it’s gonna be weird, we might as well embrace it. Pandemics aren’t the only things that force pivots in life. This is all good practice.
So here’s to parenting in 2020! Jesus, help us let go of our big plans so that we can help them embrace your perfect plan. And if I may add, help us also to not kill each other in the process. And all the parents threw out the rule book, picked up their Bibles, and said... AMEN ✌🏼🤣

08/31/2020

My friend wrote this and I’m really proud of her + I think it will encourage a lot of you so I had to share.

With the pandemic, children’s ministry came to a halt here in Maryland, and our church purchased a huge tent and moved outside. This change meant moms would be “wrangling” their children for the majority of the service and that is not easy. Praise God, we’re a church that doesn’t see children as a distraction or an interruption but an opportunity. But it’s still so hard watching my mom friends struggle and not being able (because of restrictions) to go and grab their littles to at least allow them a sec to breath. So instead, when I see the frustration on their face and the tiredness in their eyes, I pray. And I pray BIG. (Moms of big kids - this is our responsibility right now.) And then I tell them you’re doing great and they look at me like they want to cry and then keep wrangling... because it’s worth it.

Here’s what we need to understand in 2020...

1. Children’s ministry is a gift but not a necessity to the Christian church.
2. Jesus wanted children around Him so if you’re a church leader who feels differently - you may need to check yourself.
3. Kids (like my sweet Nathan) are watching and listening pretty much all the time so IT IS worth it! Because for all the parts of the sermon you may be missing, they’re probably catching some.

08/24/2020

An ode to the weekend.
Also, I feel seen. You too?

08/19/2020

Talking about parenting today with the girls and as I’m making a few notes for class I realize just how much this guy has taught me about it so I thought I’d share my 3 favorite dad tips from with you:

1. Stay calm - yes even when they’re at that age where hormones have made them certifiably crazy. (There’s no way around it - just buckle up.) Kent just knew that nothing gets heard when everyone is yelling/crying/losing it. Also, there are just some times only God can get through to them so you’re gonna do better to use your voice to pray rather than lecture.
2. Don’t panic when they say something dumb or push back on you. Listen intently and for a long time if need be. HEAR them. And then, as the subject matters that they’re pushing pack on gets bigger or more serious, you won’t have taught them you can’t handle it or to avoid you but instead you will train them to come directly to you with their questions.
3. Now this is a tip and there is SO MUCH I could tell you about this but Kent never did the whole “get my gun” approach to dating and boys. He didn’t threaten to lock them in their rooms or say they couldn’t date until they were 30. When I asked him why he said, “I trust them .” Yeah, that one response was like 🙌🏼😭👏🏼 to me! And the reason he trusted them by the way was because he knew them. Kent hung out with the girls a lot from the time they were little, and I think that made a big difference because they weren’t searching for male attention - they already had it.
Hope that encourages you! But one more thing - I’m always nervous to share what Kent has done right because it is NOT EVER EVER EVER okay for you to take this to your husband and use it to shame him. I could do a post on what Kent has done wrong too, (we both have plenty we could share) but that’s not helpful for anyone so listen, please, if you suggest any of this to your husband, do it with so much love and before you show him any of it, tell him a few things that he has done really well in his parenting and then tell him thank you for being your partner as you guys do this very hard thing together! Deal?! 😉😘

08/07/2020

I love you! It’s all going to be okay! I promise!

08/05/2020

Impromptu drive to Delaware last night for a pizza party on the deck with some of our favorites. These are our friends, Larry, Patrice, Jonah, and Julian is taking the pic (you can swipe to see his beautiful face) and then inside of sweet Trice’s belly is baby Eden and baby Ellia. They’re 23 weeks old but these baby girls (and their mom and dad and brothers) need your prayers today. There’s a big Dr.’s appointment this afternoon so will you join me in lifting all of them up? And if you will, please pray especially for baby Ellia.
Larry and Patrice, we love you so much! God is good and He has you and those sweet girls! That’s what we know for sure and that’s what we are resting in. @ Middletown, Delaware