10/25/2024
Falling in love with potential
Any of you have “the one who got away?”
I did.
We will call him B.
I met B while we were teenagers, and I had an IMMEDIATE crush on him.
We were both in bands, and over the years, played some shows together and would see each other out and about as part of the scenes we were in.
We also saw each other at University, and I would visit the building he worked in, hoping for a glimpse of him in the hallways, my heart rate always jumping when I did “happen” to run into him.
It didn’t lessen over the years- it got stronger.
One time we were both at a wedding and I all could think about was sneaking down to his room to find him and make out with him, my mind consumed with the fantasy of it all.
At one point, years later after my divorce, I told him about my crush.
He was SO surprised- and expressed that he had felt similarly.
We couldn’t believe it.
We started texting as friends, and eventually, it morphed into something else.
But here’s the big catch- he was living overseas
AND- he had a girlfriend.
When I let him know that for me, this wasn’t a game, and that I had real feelings for him?
He retracted.
I was devastated- and was REALLY clear that this was not going to work for me unless I could have more.
We broke off communication.
Time passed.
Eventually we came back together to the same pattern- first as friends, and then as lovers in the throes of unrequited desire.
Again I spoke my deep desires.
Again he pulled away.
Now, I have always been a sensitive, creative, and imaginative person.
What I came to realize is…
I had concocted a whole FANTASY that led me to fall in love with him.
But when I look at the cold, hard facts?
He had never actually showed up the way I wanted someone to.
Yes, he had great words.
Great words aren’t enough.
Nor is desire and a long term longing.
Moral of the story?
Don’t fall in love with the fantasy of a person-
Connect to what is ACTUALLY showing up for you!
Otherwise you will be left chasing breadcrumbs…
Trying to heal subconscious childhood wounds about “worthiness”....
Instead of seeing who is worthy in front of you.
Because now instead of seeing someone who got away??
I see how I dodged a freaking bullet.
This is what we are up to in this community❤️
Radical truth, radical self accountability, and radical SELF LOVE that doesn't let you play games or be breadcrumbed.
Your loving relationship coach,
Amaya Shiva