04/11/2023
When my college girl came home for her mid-March spring break, she made me a mini coffee cake.
She wrapped it up and put it in the freezer so I could enjoy it on March 28, the book release day for
My daughter never missed baking me something for my previous four releases, and she wasn’t planning on starting now.
On the morning of March 28, the first thing I did was get the loaf out to thaw. I decided I’d save it until the day was done; there are just certain things in life that must be savored.
At 11pm that night, when the house was quiet, I unwrapped it.
Sometimes growth and healing look like a mini coffee cake.
Me, the woman who once control-freaked the joy out of her children’s attempts to be independent…
Me, the woman who squelched her children’s ambitions based on the inconvenience/mess factor…
Me, the woman whose own fear of failure was so over-the-top that it spilled onto the people I loved…
was about to enjoy a treat her baby adult made to celebrate the release of her mother’s most honest book to date.
Sometimes growth and healing look like a mini coffee cake.
I remember standing next to her the first time she attempted yeast bread. My then nine-year-old child highlighted each step of the recipe as she completed it, so she wouldn’t forget anything.
“Come on, dig in,” young Natalie said as she kneaded the dough.
I was afraid — not so much about the mess we could see, but rather the mess we couldn’t see — the messiness inside me I thought needed to be hidden.
“If it doesn’t turn out good, we’ll just start over,” my child assured. “We can give ourselves as many tries as we want.”
And that’s when something clicked.
For decades, I existed thinking that failure was bad and must be avoided at all costs. But in my avoidance of failure, I was failing to live.
Looking at my nine-year-old daughter’s flour-dusted face made me feel less afraid.
And not wanting to pass on this fear to my kids motivated me to begin releasing control. I’d soon discover that connection, creativity, and courage thrived in our shared messiness.
One decade later, I find myself sitting at the kitchen table celebrating my “me-est book” of all – the one with the mistakes, admissions, and discoveries openly displayed on every page.
In it, I have written:
“When we let go of perfection, we see what really matters – which eventually translates to living what matters out loud. And there, at last, we can experience the kind of connection that offers true acceptance and healing.”
Sometimes it looks like a mini coffee cake.
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2023
Each day, I am hearing from a reader of my new book, Thank you for connecting your dot to my dot. Your support of this particular book means more than I can express. Please continue to let me know if you are reading it or gifting it. I cherish those messages.
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