08/23/2024
I miss the easiness of being loved and loving them back between my grandmother and my father. They made it ok for me fo just be loved and to love them back without stipulations or without their analysis of who I am and what I’m doing. I have never really had a bad moment with either of them. They chastised me every blue moon (moon ain’t blue very often.. 😂) but they loved me so much more afterwards. I do believe that people upset them a lot but they never took that out on me. They put that anger aside when they saw me coming and gave me all of the love and attention I wanted. I never felt like I was getting mistreated for their experiences they had with other individuals. There was never any stipulation to me being up under them, although granny could be a little finicky with hugs and stuff at times, I knew that she loved every inch of the love I poured out on her. I miss laying in the bed next to her having conversations about Gracie and my weight… 😂. I miss laying next to her and saying nothing while doing word search puzzles and watching wheel of fortune all the while knowing this was our love language. I miss her need to have me at the house when I had a surgery or just felt sick. I miss her saying “Bianca, go down to Hardee’s and get us that number one combo with a coke to drink!” I miss waking up in the morning and smelling her folders coffee brewing and looking out the screen door to see her sitting with her legs crossed drinking coffee or walking around the yard admiring the trees and plants or walking down the hill from the mailbox. I miss hearing the sound of my dad’s 18 wheeler pull up in the yard and the excitement it struck in my soul to know my main man was home! I miss waiting to hear his truck when he used to park it down the hill and waiting to see him too the hill as he walked from it. I miss the smell of his long hair when he had been out working on cars or cutting grass. I miss sitting in his lap driving down the road whether in the 18 wheeler or in one of the many cars we have had. I miss his smile when he heard me sing. I miss feeling every ounce of his love when he hugged me and told me “I LOVE YOU BABBEEE!” I miss the feeling he gave me when I would walk into the barbershop or anywhere I found him because he could brag about how proud he was of me and my accomplishments. I miss grabbing him and walking in his shoes when he got home from work. I miss hiding from him when he just got off the road from a long trip. And most of all… I miss the one thing he has always told me and my siblings that we will never forget… GET YA EDUCATION, YA MONEY, AND THEN YA HONEY!!! I guess it’s safe to say I just miss them a whole heck of a lot and I feel sometimes that this life would be so much easier to chart if I could still go lay next to granny while doing a word search and having conversations that made us both laugh and feeling that long embrace of love daddy always have me. This never gets easier, but I’m graced to continue on in Jesus name keeping them forever in my memory and my heart!
#❤️
