04/28/2022
I don't typically call out comments on this page, especially negative, off-the-wall ones. Because if I do, I get scolded for giving them attention, or bullying the bully, or whining. But this comment, this one had me in stitches.
I shared a beautiful post the other day about my son saying 'cars.' It was one of the most amazing moments of my life. It received nearly 3,000 supportive comments and one negative. One. From Anne.
Anne was scolding me. She looked at the post about the 11-year-old boy saying his first unprompted word, EVER, and instead found fault in my mothering.
'You always finish his words! I wish you could let him be more independent and see what happens and stop being so codependent.'
I read her comment. She had quite a bit more to say. And then I read it again. And then I laughed, loudly, from my belly. I threw my head back and let it all out.
I thought about the last 11 years. I thought about how Anne thinks she knows my son because she reads my words and watches the video clips I share. How she believes she is an expert. Maybe she has an autistic child. Most likely not. But maybe.
Maybe she has no idea about children who don’t understand safety. Or danger. Who struggle to communicate. Who knows I guess.
I thought about codependency. Enabling. I thought about how I am pushing my son to be as independent as he is able to be. I thought about teaching him every skill that he currently has. EVERY ONE.
And how Anne gave me permission to stop. How if I don't dress him...he will learn to do it by himself. Same with speaking and reading and getting a snack and walking safely in the street. If I just stop teaching, he will suddenly become more independent.
It's just too much. Too comical. Too ridiculous. Almost unbelievable. My son will need life long care and instead of wallowing in that, I am teaching him everything I can to make his and MY life easier. That's not codependency. That's bad ass parenting.
I want to use this post to tell every single person out there who is teaching a child, thank you. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, caregiver, whomever.
If you are teaching a child to be independent. If you practice skills from morning to night. If you advocate and have patience and refuse to give up...you are doing an amazing job.
You are making a difference in that child's life.
I see you. I am proud of you. Keep teaching. NEVER STOP. NOT EVER. Because no one will ever fight as hard as you for your child. And they deserve it.
Unless you want to take Anne's advice and roll the dice. 🙂
This post was written by Kate Swenson, author of Forever Boy and Finding Cooper's Voice.
If this post resonated with you, I’d be so honored if you grabbed a copy of my book here: https://amzn.to/3rXiDIE
