03/03/2021
Need advice: DID I DO WRONG REFUSING TO SLEEP WITH HIM?
A bit long but please read
Thank you for posting me in ANO. I have been in a cohabitation with X for 18 years. I am 37 years old while he is 56 years old. We have 3 children together. I am a data entry operator and I have a ready-to-wear store, he is a math teacher.
My problem: I knew my husband at 19 when my mother passed away. My father categorically refused to take care of me, while my mother was taking care of me. To do this, he asked me to go find myself a husband, because I was old. When I met my husband, I told myself that he is the ideal, responsible man with whom I can be safe. He was single with three children. He was passionate about me at first, but after the birth of my first child, he started by showing me his true face. Since I have my job and the expenses of the house were coming back to me. Each time, when he has a vital need and I ask him, it is with difficulty that he gives you, sometimes it degenerates into arguments. But, since I don't like to reach out too much, I manage to cover the expenses in order to avoid arguments. And I thought that one day it will get better, but it didn't. And then, I wanted all my children to be the same father.
He denigrates me in public and has no respect for me. I only had my eyes to cry on. One day, I decided to leave. I went to rent. I had left the children to him. Two weeks later, he went to see my parents to beg me to come home, that he will not do it again and that he will come to terms with our marital situation. In a meeting organized by the parents, I told them that if he really wants me to come back, he must endow me and take me as his rightful wife; which he had accepted, but, he insists that I join the children first. My parents agreed, because according to them a woman should sacrifice herself for her children. I tugged a bit but my father convinced me not to leave the children. I wanted to bring them with me, but my husband had also refused outright that the children would not move.
I had to join my children. But it's even worse when I joined them. When he goes out in the evening he comes back at midnight. We don't talk to each other. In the morning each time I greet him, he answers with difficulty, sometimes he does not even answer. As a reminder, since we've been together he has never bought me a loincloth. I manage myself for my needs.
To make matters worse now, it was during the graduation of one of my sisters that my cousins asked him when my dowry ceremonies were made, and suddenly he got angry. In the meantime, my father had called him to tell him that he hasn't asked for anyone for three days or was he waiting for his death to come and install the tarpaulins and party? I didn't know any of this. In the evening, he calls me and sits me down and asks me to inform my father never to talk to him like that again and besides that my cousins have pi**ed him off; what is this dowry business? That he has plenty of non-endowed daughters in his family, no one says anything. Therefore, he has already made arrangements to leave home and stay in the village.
I asked him what we did to him, me and my children; "NOTHING" was his response. That my parents annoy him too much and he prefers to leave us and go and live elsewhere, that he will come back from time to time to see his children. I just told him that I took note. He's packed his bags for a week, he's still here. I remind you that for more than 5 months he has been sleeping in the living room under the pretext that it is hot in the bedroom, even for sexual in*******se it's me who asks, otherwise we can stay like that for months it doesn't bother him not.
Last night, although he has already packed his bags, he comes to lie in my bed and started by touching me. What I categorically refused. The next day, same scenario, absolute silence. We stay without speaking for months. When I just try to talk to him he tells me he doesn't have my time.
Did I do wrong to refuse to sleep with him?
He says he's going to stay in the village and leave me with the children, what to do ??
Excuse me for the length of the text.
