Laping, Surdej Associates, LLC

09/16/2026

Beautiful reflection.

The messy middle sucks.

And somehow, I think I’ve landed on the other side of it feeling something I’m almost embarrassed to admit:

Complacency.

Yesterday, I visited Mom and felt… restless.

Not because I wanted to leave. Not because I didn’t want to be with her.

But because I suddenly realized I don’t really know what my role is anymore.

There is nothing left to fix.

I’m not worried about her falling and ending up in the ER for eight hours of evaluations. I’m not trying to solve the next crisis. I’m not constantly worrying about what could happen next.

Mom is safe. She is comfortable. She is cared for.

And that should feel like relief.

In many ways, it does.

But relief can be disorienting when you’ve spent years living on alert. When your days have been organized around phone calls, appointments, decisions, emergencies, and the constant question of what needs to happen next, the absence of crisis can feel strangely empty.

You get so used to being needed in a particular way that peace can feel like irrelevance.

You get so used to measuring your love by what you prevent, solve, arrange, or endure that simply being present can feel like you’re not doing enough.

And maybe what makes me uncomfortable isn’t really about Mom.

Maybe it says more about me.

Maybe I’ve confused purpose with problem-solving.

Maybe I’ve forgotten that a life doesn’t become meaningless just because there is no longer a crisis demanding my attention.

A friend once asked me:

“Who are you without a project?”

I think I’m figuring that out.

Because when there’s nothing left to fix, I have to face the parts of myself I could keep distracted by fixing things.

The restlessness. The guilt. The fear that if I’m not actively doing something, I’m somehow failing someone.

So for now, I’m going to stop looking for something to fix.

I’m going to sit with Mom. Hold her hand. Listen to her. Enjoy my days with her.

I’m going to practice believing that presence is a purpose, too.

Because someday, I might desperately miss these quiet visits with a Mom who brings me back to nothing but the moment.

That’s what I do know today.

Clue me in on the rest.

Have you ever gotten to this point in the dementia journey and wondered who you are when there’s nothing left to fix?

A daughter??!?!

08/16/2026

🧱 Social Security and the VA do not accept a power of attorney for managing benefits, no matter how carefully yours was drafted.

I wanted to clear up some confusion from the last time this ran, because the comments made clear this is the part that catches families off guard.

Treasury regulations do not recognize a power of attorney for federal payments, so managing someone's Social Security means applying to become their representative payee instead.

The VA runs its own fiduciary program for the same reason, and appoints the fiduciary itself.

Several readers reported the same experience with banks, brokerages, state revenue departments, and health insurance carriers, all of which may require their own form.

One reader paid an attorney twice, once for the power of attorney and again for the brokerage firm's own agent authority papers, and the delay nearly collided with a year-end RMD deadline.

The fix is to ask each institution which form it accepts while the person granting the authority is still able to sign, because after incapacity the only remaining path is usually a court guardianship.

Requiring two agents to sign jointly can be a deliberate guardrail against misuse, though it does stall routine transactions at institutions that reject two-signature documents.

And every power of attorney ends at death in all 50 states, at which point authority shifts to the executor.

Have you run into an institution that would not accept a power of attorney?

P.S. Once a week, I email the best money article I read, with my take on this week's top Facebook posts and what's new on the Ways to Wealth blog. It's free, and you can sign up on the Ways to Wealth home page.

R.J. Weiss, CFP®



*The content shared here is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not personalized investment, tax, legal, or financial advice. Consult a licensed professional before making decisions based on your specific situation.*

08/16/2026

This is an updated version of a post I ran last month. A few questions kept coming up in the comments, so I added two terms and folded the answers in.

Medicare covers a skilled nursing facility stay for up to 100 days per benefit period, at $0 for days 1 through 20 and $217 a day for days 21 through 100 in 2026.

Custodial care, which is help with bathing, dressing, and eating, is the level Medicare does not cover at all, and it is the one most families eventually need.

Hospice is the level Medicare covers most completely, and it is not only for the final days: a doctor certifies a prognosis of six months or less, and advanced dementia can qualify.

Hospice pays for comfort care, medication, equipment, and up to five consecutive days of inpatient respite so a caregiver can rest, but it does not pay room and board in assisted living or a nursing home.

PACE is the other term worth knowing, a combined Medicare and Medicaid program for people 55 and older who are certified as needing nursing-home-level care but want to stay at home, and it runs in roughly 33 states.

Long-term care insurance sits in the same gap, and a tax-qualified policy usually starts paying once a licensed practitioner certifies you need help with two of the six activities of daily living for 90 days or more, or that you have severe cognitive impairment.

Skilled care means a licensed nurse or therapist is medically required, and that distinction, not the building you are in, decides whether Medicare pays.

Medicaid becomes the largest payer of long-term custodial and nursing home care, but only after income and asset rules are met, and those rules vary by state.

Which of these levels has your family dealt with, and did the coverage work the way you expected?

P.S. Once a week, I email the best money article I read, with my take on this week's top Facebook posts and what's new on the Ways to Wealth blog. It's free, and you can sign up on the Ways to Wealth home page.

R.J. Weiss, CFP®



*The content shared here is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not personalized investment, tax, legal, or financial advice. Consult a licensed professional before making decisions based on your specific situation.*

07/28/2026

Developmental psychologists have a name for part of this transformation: filial maturity. It is the stage of adulthood when we stop seeing our parents as all-powerful protectors and begin seeing them as ordinary human beings, with their own histories, fears, limitations, and mortality. It involves letting go of the comforting illusion that they are somehow immune to the ordinary laws of life while learning to understand them as people beyond the roles of "mother" and "father."

Read the full article at the link in comments

07/21/2026

New York's Master Plan for Aging article in the Albany Times Union (Sunday)

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07/15/2026

At 62, you become eligible for a lifetime National Park pass — $80 once, good forever at more than 2,000 federal recreation sites. That includes every national park, national forest, and wildlife refuge. No annual renewals. No expiration. Just show your ID and the pass. If you visit even two parks in one year, you've already saved money compared to the standard $35 per-vehicle entrance fee. This is one of the best-known senior benefits that too many people forget to claim. Have you picked up your lifetime pass yet?