05/28/2026
I’m a mom. Often, a tired one. I’ve got a toddler who still wakes up sometimes just to check in. I’ve had nights where I sobbed on the hallway floor because I just wanted her to chill out and to go the f*ck to sleep. It’s also important to note, that I’m a sleep coach. I literally help families for a living, yet my own kid struggles with sleep at times. So truly, I’m sharing this from the heart of someone who knows that baby and toddler sleep can be messy and make you want to tear your hair out! So when I tell you this secret, I’m not preaching from some perfect parenting pedestal — I’m sharing what I’ve learned the hard way.
Ready? Here it is.
My biggest secret for helping your baby sleep is this: MANAGE YOUR ENERGY.
That’s it. Not a magic sleep sack, not a complicated bedtime routine with lavender mist and lullabies. Not wake windows or Wonder Weeks.
It’s you. Your nervous system. Your presence. Your energy.
Babies speak energy fluently. They know when you’re tense, anxious, overstimulated, frustrated, checked out. They may not know the why, but they feel it… and they mirror it. So when bedtime rolls around and your body is radiating stress because you just want a freaking break, your baby doesn’t settle. Because you’re not settled.
I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty. This is not one more thing to “perfect.” This is an invitation to be honest with yourself.
How are you feeling at bedtime?
If you’re like me, the answer is usually some version of: “exhausted, touched out, overstimulated, and fantasizing about being horizontal with zero humans touching me.”
But here’s the hard truth I’ve learned from experience, when I bring that energy into bedtime, it makes things worse. It keeps my kid wired, my patience thin, and the whole process way longer than it needs to be.
Before you head off to do your little one’s bedtime routine, you should assess what you’re carrying (emotionally, spiritually, physically) and doing something to shift it, even just a little.
Here’s what I do for me:
✓Step away for 5-10 minutes to breathe.
✓Say how I feel out loud. Sometimes naming it helps me pause instead of reacting.
Here’s what I do to for my child:
✓Turn down the sensory input.
✓ Quality time for connection.
✓ Touch with intention.
✓ Take turns with my husband.
The truth is, babies learn how to regulate by co-regulating with us. So if we’re flying off the rails, they’re going to ride that roller coaster with us. When we pause, even briefly, and take a deep breath before we pick them up, they feel it. And over time, that becomes the rhythm they lean into. And in my experience, 9 times out of 10, that’s the foundation of better sleep.
