Debbie Lancione: Living With Resolve

10/23/2016

I’ve been hesitant to write this blog. I have been afraid of what people will think of me once they read it. I’m primarily concerned with what non-Christians and/or non-believers will think. Will this post effect how my peers and co-workers think of me? Will it result in people thinking I’m just a ‘bit out there’? God makes Himself known to us, in the way He knows will impact us the most.

I know Jesus died on the cross, to pay the debt of our sins. I realize if Jesus was able to do that, I can muster up the courage to publish my testimony, my story of how I came to know God….

My life has been a journey of looking for, finding and falling away from God.

As my daughters, Bethy and Sarah, have worked with me over the past few years, they helped me see that, at some point in my life, a demon attached itself to me.

As I look back, there a several occasions in my life, where I unknowingly invited Satan in. The first, was when I was about 9 years old.

When I was 8, my dad got really sick. He lost his job, we lost our home. We lost the house we lived in, a lot of our stuff, and I lost all my friends. We lived in a motel for about a week, were on food stamps and my grandma gave us money so that we could all eat. We moved to a new city and I had no friends. I was self conscious due to our situation, which included me going to school in polyester garanimals I didn’t know how to effectively make new friends and I was pretty unhappy.

Although I don’t remember the specific circumstances, I do remember thinking something like, if I sell my soul to the devil, would that make my life better. I wondered if that was a real thing and if it was, maybe I should try it. How bad could it be? Then I remember thinking, I hope I really didn’t just do that, cause I didn’t mean it…. did I?

It was around that same time, that I started to experience bouts of depression. I became super worried about doing things to make others happy, because I figured if I made them happy they would like me. When i did something that was clearly displeasing to someone, I would drop into a pool of despair, and thought about how the people in my life would be better off without me. I often thought about killing myself, but was afraid to do it, and afraid of how much it would hurt. I started to wish I would be in an accident that would take my life. I wished I were dead on many occasions between the ages of 9 and 43. You see, as I got older, I could find fault in everything I did… bad wife, bad parent, bad coworker… the list was pretty much endless.

I went from a pretty happy kid to a worried, obsessive compulsive and depressed teenager. I started to do better, feel better, function better once I got to college.

It was near the end of my college career that I once again opened the door for satan. When I was working at the toy store, I fell for a married man. He told me his marriage was already damaged, and I let myself believe him. I should have known better, but I think that act of convincing myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, that act of knowingly choosing my pleasure over what was right – left just enough room for satan to come back into my life. I eventually married this guy – and then divorced him almost 5 years later. He had told me early in our marriage that he would have kids, and then he told me later he would not. He also cheated on me.

My heart grew bitter and it was a perfect environment for satan to flourish. I started to see the negative in everyone and I was becoming the exact person I did not want to become. I remember when I started college, seeing negative, angry and bitter people and thinking to myself, I am never going to become that.

Fortunately I met Gregg, and we married. Unfortunately my heart was still bitter. I wanted Gregg to make up for all the pain I had gone through the first half of my life. My expectations on Gregg were ridiculously unrealistic, but I did not know that at the time. I depended on Gregg to make me happy. How selfish and unfair of me. My despair, anger, bitterness grew. It engulfed our home. It wasn’t always bad, but it was bad enough. I am sure it negatively impacted my family as well; but I couldn’t shake it. I literally could see a darkness over our home. I could feel it and sense it moving. It was often frightening.

Gregg could not make me happy, so I inadvertently turned towards my job. My job became the most important thing to me, and I was convinced that was the best thing to do. What would happen if I lost my job? I couldn’t give my family all the stuff that they wanted. I felt I needed to work hard enough to get promotions, and to make more money. My job, and my immediate family became my focal points. Notice God was not in the picture at all.

About 10 years ago, which is about 12 years into my marriage with Gregg – I was in a car accident. I was hit by a semi twice, during morning rush hour traffic in December. I bounced between the semi and the guard rail repeatedly. I finally spun counterclockwise across the 3 lanes of I-271, hit the median and rolled over twice. My car stopped in the median ditch before crossing into oncoming traffic. I am sure I saw Jesus that morning. The light illuminating off of the person who asked to use my cell phone to call 911, was amazing. It radiated from him … orange and yellow turning into a bright white light.

That was my wake up call to change and I believed I walked away from that crash without a scratch, because God had plans for me. I started to look for the positive in life, I started to change.

This accident occurred around the time that my kids were really starting to be effected by the negativity in our home. My kids were misbehaving, especially Emily and Sarah.

Sarah took me to a breaking point. She had gone from a fun loving smiling child, to a secluded, withdrawn teenager. She clearly did not like me at all. Emily spent all her time in her room, and was afraid of interacting with anyone. I think Bethy hid her bitterness from me better than the others. They did not like each other very much either.

One night, I prayed. I sat in our family room. I remember looking at a chair that Sarah often sat in and I prayed to God for help. I told him that I would try really hard to continue to change if he would please please please help Sarah become the woman I knew she could be. That was one of the first times I prayed in a really long time, and I’ve been praying ever since. I started to notice some changes in Sarah – and shortly after the Muller’s moved in next door.

Sarah and Bethy started to learn about God and Grace. They learned that God sacrificed his son Jesus, to die on the cross for us. Jesus’ death on the cross paid the debt for our sins – and all we have to do is accept Jesus into our hearts – and acknowledge what He did for us. It’s amazing. You don’t have to do anything, except believe.

Bethy and Sarah persistently worked with me, over many years- to teach me about Jesus. It was sometimes painful and sometimes gentle. It brought us closer as a family.

I bravely opened up to them about my experiences with good vs evil. I told them I felt like I still had a dark cloud over me, in spite of my belief in God. I told them that I thought our house had a demon attached to it, and they explained to me that demons attach themselves to people, not houses or things. I figured it was attached to someone else, because I believed in Grace, and Jesus, and God and the Holy Spirit.

I didn’t realize I had a demon attached to me. God, however, worked to make sure I would figure it out. A couple of years ago, I went through a period where I believed I could connect with spirits – and I used Angel cards to try to ‘get direction’. I only used them once. The day after I used them, I had a frightening experience with a demon. While laying in bed, I felt a very heaving presence on top of me; weighing me down and smothering me. I woke up, flaying my arms; working hard to push off whatever was on me. I could see nothing in the room, but I am positive it was a demon.

I eventually told Sarah and Bethy about my experience, and they told me that I needed to denounce Satan, and really mean it. I had assured them I had, and that I really believed in Jesus, and God and grace. They repeated themselves and told me that God will always keep me safe, and that I just have to tell the demon that God is with me protecting me. I realized I needed to denounce satan and the demons again and again, until they truly got the message.

Shortly afterwards, I was in the shower praying, and I denounced satan repeatedly, and worshiped God and accepted Jesus into my life. That was about a year ago.

A couple months later, I was on a business trip. I once again had an experience with a demon. I felt it in the bed next to me. I felt the bed move as the demon moved in the bed. I remembered what Sarah and Bethy told me, and I told the demon I knew it could not hurt me, that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit will protect me. He never touched me that night, but he stayed with me until morning. I saw him in many forms in my dreams, and I just kept telling him he could not harm me, and that I was with Jesus and Jesus was with me.

I accepted Christ about a year ago. My life has changed dramatically. I no longer feel a dark cloud within me. I’ve spent my life pursuing my love life, my kids, my career and false gods hoping they would give me self-worth, significance, happiness. After trying each and seeing each one fail, I realize the only thing to satisfy this hunger for significance has been coming to know the Lord who has taken me in as His daughter. Through that I am trying to share the work of God, the Gospel, and God’s mission with everyone that I can. I know I’m not always successful, but I’m trying to get better at it.

I am more loving towards my family, more accepting, more patient. I am making time for my family and friends, even when I don’t feel well. It’s pretty cool because making time and loving others, actually makes me feel better, when I’m having a physically and mentally challenging day.

I am working to put God first. I try to ask God every morning to help me know what He wants me to do that day. To help me do His will. I am trusting in God, and that is really making my life super easy, because the only thing that matters is doing what God asks me to do. I trust that He has my best interest in mind and that He will guide me in my day to day activity and decisions.

Revelation 12:11: “And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their Testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much,
that they were afraid to die.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

07/17/2016

'In his book 'Sickness Unto Death, Søren Kierkegaard says, It is the normal state of the human heart to try to build its identity around something besides God. Spiritual pride is the illusion that we are competent to run our own lives, achieve our own sense of self-worth and find a purpose big enough to give us meaning in a life without God. Søren Kierkegaard says that the normal human ego is built on something besides God. It searches for something that will give it a sense of worth, a sense of specialness and a sense of purpose and builds itself on that. And of course, as we are often reminded, if you try to put anything in the middle of the place that twas originally made for god it is going to be too small. it is going to rattle around in there.' This is a quote from 'The Freedom of Self-Forgetfullness' by Timothy Keller.

This quote reflects my futile attempts over the years of my career to find fulfillment and a sense of completeness by 'finding the best way to help others', via my job. I realize now that it has been a futile quest that will never provide the sense of fulfillment and completeness that I have been looking for. I am just starting to realize I was placing my time and effort in things of this world, when in fact I need to focus my energies on what God wants from me and how God wants to use me to share His Word and Mission with others.

04/25/2016

Diet IS a 4 Letter Word ~

Let’s be rebels! Let’s not diet anymore. Let’s not swap healthy foods for low calorie chemical filled replacements. Let’s drink 1 pop instead of 6 diet pops (that’s soda or coke for my friends outside of the Northeast Ohio Region). Let’s eat 1 real normal size cookie (usually around 70 calories) instead of the pack of 15 to 20 small pieces of flavored crackers that are found in the 100-calorie pack). Let’s focus on eating the things that God created for us to eat, instead of the processed, pre-packaged food that big industry creates. Let’s keep in mind that God loves us and wants us to thrive and that big business doesn’t know or care about us and just wants to make money.

Trust me, I’ve been there! I have 3, now adult, daughters. I was, I am a working mom, with 3 girls – born 11 months apart. Since 2 of them are twins, I essentially had 3 babies at the same time J. I bought the pre-packaged, processed foods, because I wanted the quick fix meal, the easy snack, and the grab and go. At the same time, I starved myself, and ate a lot of ‘diet’ foods – because I wanted to be as thin as I was before babies. I now regret both decisions, and here’s why.

As an adult who is no longer sleep deprived, I have the ability to see things a little clearer than I did when my kids were young. As an adult, I struggle with several chronic illnesses that have negatively impacted my overall health and wellbeing. I believe at least some of those chronic illnesses, are the result of the chemicals I ingested while trying to stay thin. My motives for staying thin were to be thin so I would be visually appealing to others, and so that I would like how I looked, when I looked in the mirror. I had no thought of being healthy; no thought of taking care of the body that God gave me, because He gave it to me. I had one motive, which was the result of me believing people would only truly like me if I were thin. Crazy you say? Well, back when I was a kid, and when I was a young adult, people often made fun of those of us that were not thin. Those comments, from people I knew, from the media, from magazine ads and articles, the list goes on and on…. Those comments combined with my own lack of confidence, resulted in me ingesting food that was low calorie but not necessarily healthy. At the time, I did not truly know God, nor did I have real respect for myself. I thought I did, but I didn’t.

As an adult, who has recently had and taken the opportunity to build a relationship with God, to better understand who He is, and what He would like from each of us, I have come to really respect my body and myself. I realize it is just as easy to cook a few chicken breasts with some fresh vegetables, and fresh fruit to serve as a meal for my family as it is to open the pack of pre-packaged macaroni and cheese, or frozen meal, and cook it up. In the long run, this would have been healthier for both my family and me.

I do think the bag of cheerios is a great grab and go for the kids when they are babies. I did not realize, though, how many awesome grab and go foods God has made for us too though. Perhaps I was unable to clearly see all that God has provided, because I was not really a true believer until this past year. I don’t know. I see now though that God has made so many grab and go items for us; including fresh fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Water is the best beverage, I do have a filter pitcher at home, since we humans have done much to tarnish the quality of the water that we have available to us. I realize now that God created us, in His image no less, AND God really loves us! Why would He create us, and not effectively provide for us? The best food for us, the healthiest food for us, is the food God created for us!

I no longer want to be thin to impress others. I no longer even care if I am thin. I would like to not gain additional weight because I don’t want to have to go out and spend money on more cloths, but that is quite different than hating myself for being large. This is a HUGE (no pun intended) mental accomplishment for me. I am 52 years old and have struggled with body image and weight issues since I was 9 years old, which was the first time I remember being made fun of for my weight.

I now just want to be healthy. I want to eat the food God has provided, because God entrusted me with this body. He wants me to take care of it, so I can live a long life and tell others about how absolutely awesome He is. I want to show my respect for God, by taking care of this body, because He gave it to me. I want it to last a long time, so I can share His message with as many people as possible, and so I can be there for my family and my friends when they need me. I want to see my kids, and my grand kids and my great grand kids grow.

Most of all, I want to let everyone know how great God is!

~debbie

04/19/2016

At some point you need to stop blaming others. You Need to, you don't HAVE to. This doesn't mean you need to start blaming yourself, because that would be far from productive. It's more about moving on, stepping forward to a place where you can start to help yourself and start to truly heal. From my personal experience, blaming others, in whatever form that may take, is like sitting on a merry go round. You aren't quite staying in one place, but your not moving forward either. Instead, you are just moving in circles.

When you can make the personal choice to spin the game spinner (note the analogy here to the game of LIFE), and move forward the appropriate number of spaces, you are also taking the first step in taking control of your life and determining what you can and will do, to make your life the best life for you.

I know, I DON'T know the road that you have traveled, and I DON'T know how difficult it has been for you or how horribly other people have treated you. I do however know that I have had my fair share of challenges that I have linked to people in my life. I also completely respect your challenges and situation, and would never minimize it to say it is an easy shift, or a change you HAVE to do. I'm really just suggesting, that moving forward, beyond the blame game, will help you heal and progress to the life you want.

It's not an overnight shift. Please know this. It may take years to get from where you are to where you want to be, but the good news is, it's a process of baby steps. Each baby step in the direction beyond blame, will help to peel away the layers of pain, grief, hatred, anger, hurt... and you will slowly start to feel better. You will start to wake up and look forward to each day (or most days), and one day you'll look back and be amazed at the journey you have had, and the life you have created.

And it all starts with the decision to no longer blame others.

At this point I must too give a shameless plug to God. I believe in God, and I believe God can do amazing things in our lives. I believe taking the step to move beyond blame, in conjunction with prayer and living our lives as God asks us to, helps to make our lives amazing.

I haven't always believed in God. I wanted to believe and maybe even kind of believed, but I didn't have the faith that I have now. I doubted God and I doubted Christ, and I was always asking for proof that He is the 'Real Deal'. Well, my journey of no longer blaming others, my journey of taking control of my life, included many situations in which God answered my prayers for proof. It got to the point for me that it was embarrassing to ask for more proof, because He had given me so much already! One example of proof is that I was in a really bad car accident with a semi-truck. The truck hit me, not once, but twice! I bounced back and forth between the truck and the guardrail like a ball in a pinball machine. My car then spun in a 360-degree counter clockwise circle across 3 lanes highway; and then rolled over twice once I hit the median. When this was all done, I opened my door and found myself without a scratch. I had some whiplash of course, but no open external or internal wounds. It was then, I knew, God was giving me a wake up call. It would take me 10 more years before I would truly believe in God, and understand God's mission for us. Fortunately, God is as patient as he is good. He totally met me where I was and put many people in my life (including my beautiful twin daughters) to guide me on my journey.

I started today’s blog because I wanted you to know how much making the personal choice to move beyond blame is a necessary step to help you achieve peace and happiness in your life. As I wrote, I realized I had to also tell you about the awesomeness of God and the importance He too has had in my life.

I want you to have hope, to know that baby steps, including taking baby steps in prayer, will help get you from what may be a dark and sad place to a happy and bright place.

03/11/2016

"Expect great things from God.
Attempt great things for God"
~William Carey

02/28/2016

Love my new (and first tattoo)! The backstory? The semi-colon represents the struggles I've had with depression, and thoughts of su***de throughout my life. Why the semi-colon? ... Because it represents a point in a sentence where it could have been ended, but was continued, via the semi-colon - instead. Why the cross? Because I wouldn't be where I am today - still here - without God's guidance. His help, support and general awesomeness intervened and changed my life, and me! He gives me strength to continue when I am absolutely exhausted. He gives me a clear goal in life - to tell others about Him; so everyone can know how wonderful He is. That mission, pretty much makes the other stuff about life, not that big of a deal.

01/13/2016

Gratitude is a practice... An exercise in which we train our minds to look at the good things before us each day, no matter what is happening in our lives.

01/11/2016

Don't force yourself to try to like things. Spend some time on things that you already like. ~
Author Unknown

01/05/2016

By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished ~

01/04/2016

Will You accept the challenge?

Will YOU Accept the Challenge in 2016?!

So many of us prioritize tasks we have to, or think we have to, complete to be successful at work or as a parent, spouse, child, sibling or friend. We often forget to prioritize tasks we want to do for ourselves. In fact, as we move from child to student to adult and caregiver, we focus so much attention on our responsibilities that we completely forget what we like to do for fun! Do you remember what you would do for fun, when you had the time or even made time to play? So here’s the challenge …..

Make an all day play date with yourself! I bet so many of you will find all kinds of reasons why you don’t have time to do so. I make that bet because I’ve had so many reasons for not doing so too. It’s actually taken me a couple of years to see this full day personal play date as a viable option for myself. It’s okay to start slow; with 5 to 10 minutes sessions of fun! That might actually make your transition to longer sessions easier, because you’ll start with shorter windows to give yourself time to remind yourself what it is you actually like to do for fun!.

My goal for 2016 is to schedule personal play dates throughout the year. These are going to be days where I have absolutely nothing planned. I want to enter the day with a clean slate – no to do lists, no tasks, no list of fun things that I want to do. All those lists cause me anxiety! I mean, what if I don’t get to all the fun things I hoped to get done that day?! So, I want to wake up, without any expectations. If task lists and to do’s start to creep into my mind, I’m going to work on pushing them away. I want to live in the moment, like I did when I was a kid; before responsibilities caused me to prioritize my responsibilities before my fun.

Today is my first personal play date in 2016! I have no expectations for today. I may do some chores, I may not. I will do whatever feels like the right thing to do when I’m in the moment. I had no plans on writing this blog when I woke up this morning; then I realized, I wanted to share my goal with each of you. I wanted to challenge you to make time for your own personal play dates in 2016. I would love it if you would share some of the fun things you do too. I’d love for you to share this suggestions with your friends, and I really want to hear about what you end up doing for fun.

So far today enjoyed wrapping a gift for a party that is not until NEXT Sunday! It was fun, because I was doing it 1 week ahead of time instead of 10 minutes before the party. I’ve written this blog. I’ve played with ColorForms. Some of you may remember what ColorForms are. Of course, I’m using a modern version, but they are essentially rubber-like reusable stickers, that you can use to create scenes…. OK, so I added a pic of my Sticker Fun to this blog so you’ll know what I’m talking about! I may even decide to play with the Spirograph that I asked for and received from Santa Gregg for Christmas LOL.

So there you have it. Will YOU accept my challenge? Let me know if you do, and let me know what you do!

Playfully yours,

debbie~

01/03/2016

What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while ~
Author Unknown