04/02/2026
What story are you telling yourself and how is it serving you?
So many incredibly capable people move through life feeling like they are on the back foot.
Not because they aren't talented.
Not because they aren't accomplished.
Not because they aren't working hard enough.
In fact, often quite the opposite is true.
Often they are being held back due to the story they are telling themselves.
I’m working with a coaching client who is exceptionally accomplished. Experienced, highly educted, capable, high-performing, working on the cutting edge of tech and research. Someone others would likely assume has it all together. And yet, they have always felt as though they are not good enough. Like they are constantly trying to catch up. Like they need to prove themselves. With any negative feedback, playing into the story they've been telling themselves for decades, with the potential to derail all they have worked for.
To try and feel adequate.
It means saying yes when they already have too much on.
Pushing themselves harder than they need to.
Working longer hours
Blurring boundaries in ways that negatively affect their social life, relationships, and health.
This means that the story they are telling themselves is often correct. Self fulfilling prophecy.
,Continually reinforcing the very story that leaves them feeling stretched, overwhelmed, and never quite enough.
It is such a common pattern for so many high-achieving people.
We can look successful on the outside and still be carrying around an internal narrative that keeps us stuck in overcommitting, overthinking, and overproving.
For some people, this can also be a neurodivergent response, particularly for those with ADHD.
When you have spent years feeling different, misunderstood, or as though you have to work harder than others just to stay on top of things, it can become easy to internalise the belief that you are behind, not doing enough, or somehow getting it wrong. That can then show up as overcommitting, people-pleasing, masking, or constantly pushing yourself beyond what is sustainable.
One simple but powerful act is choosing to be kinder to ourselves.
Seems too simple I know, but try it!
The next time you catch yourself criticising, berating, or chastising yourself, pause.
Put the issue into context. Use a tool like the STEAR Map. Step back and ask yourself what you would say to a friend if they told you the same story.
I can almost guarantee you would not speak to your friend the way you speak to yourself.
Question whether the story you are telling yourself is actually true or just very familiar.
Where does this story originate from?
Is this story protecting you from something?
What might happen if you changed the narrative?
And if you are genuinely in the wrong place, in the wrong role, environment, relationship, or season of life what needs to change?
Because once we can see the pattern, we have a chance not only to change the story, but to change what the story is asking us to tolerate.
