10/28/2024
Do you understand cats? You do? Then you know the way a cat responds if someone who does NOT know cats pats a cat’s head. You watch as the cat’s eyes narrow, their ears turn back, and they lower their head with each pat, trying to avoid the next one. And you cringe along with the cat.
If the cat is gentle, it waits those awful moments out. If the cat is not gentle—.... You probably know that things can get ugly.
As an empath and an intuitive, I cringe when someone with very little emotional intelligence runs roughshod over co-workers, colleagues, family members—anyone whose high emotional intelligence makes them a target for the less sensitive.
First of all, it scrambles our brains. It’s so obvious to us! How could it not be obvious to them?? Don't they see that their words and actions aren't being received well??
Secondly, our empathic nature can confuse us. Do we identify with them, the aggressor? We might see what they are trying to accomplish, we might even have enough generosity to know that they don’t mean harm. (Or we do know they mean harm and we just don't know how to correct them without embarrassing them—or causing more harm than they just caused.)
Or do we identify with their target, somehow throw ourselves between the agressor and their victim?
Or do we stay with our own experience and learn to be more of an observer in those situations, watching as the aggressor does it all wrong (think Michael Scott of “The Office”) and watch for a moment when we might intervene, if such a moment occurs.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that the last move is the one I recommend. But it takes time for us to develop observer mode as our go-to response to aggression (passive or overt) or just a plain lack of relational skill.
What is it like for you when you live or work or socialize with people who appear to have less emotional intelligence than you have? Is it the equivalent of watching someone pat the head of a cat? Do you take it, like a gentle cat, or do you lash out, like a more aggressive cat?
How’s that working for you?
Your empathic nature is going to make you vulnerable to those who do not have a high degree of empathy. Unless—until—you learn how to use your empathic nature to let you in on what is really going on, who is safe, who isn’t, and how to deal with both.
Learn to take the emotional temperature of the room. Learn to become an observer. Learn the moves and the countermoves of the people around you so that you can weather any emotional storm—yours or theirs.
We should talk. DM me, then schedule a complimentary session and let's discover, together, just how empathic you are and how to begin to deal with the people in your world who might be out of touch.