02/09/2026
Subject: Urgent Feline Alert – Notorious Catnip Peddler on the Prowl
Attention all residents,
Please be advised that a particularly crafty and disreputable feline is currently at large in our community. This smooth-talking, tail-flicking outlaw has been identified as the primary supplier of low-grade, black-market catnip to unsuspecting local house cats. His wares are known to cause excessive zoomies, questionable midnight yowling, and an alarming tendency to knock over water glasses.
Be warned: this cat is no ordinary alley prowler. He is clad in a mysterious ensemble that lends him both an air of menace and a flair for the dramatic. Approach is strongly discouraged, as his charm and cunning are as dangerous as his claws.
If spotted, please retreat indoors immediately, secure all windows, and alert the Neighborhood Watch. Under no circumstances should you offer him treats, scratches, or a place to nap—this only emboldens his illicit operations.
Stay vigilant, and may your yarn balls remain untangled.
