01/22/2025
For about a decade, I had my doubts about whether "the crisis in masculinity" even existed. Then I started raising my own boys and paying closer attention, and I've come to the conclusion that it's indeed real.
I think this broader crisis in masculinity often ties back to a crisis in self-esteem. With the shift from rigid social structures to modern individualism, many, especially men, find themselves measuring success by external standards rather than internal satisfaction.
This idea is well-explored in "The Gap and The Gain" (one of my favorite, most oft-recommended books) by Dan Sullivan. Instead of focusing on personal growth and internal happiness (the Gain), there's a tendency to chase societal benchmarks, leading to feelings of inadequacy and failure (the Gap).
Moreover, people often default to thinking there's something wrong with them that needs fixing, rather than working on systems that build confidence through practice and small wins. By focusing too much on external validation and psychological self-doubt, we miss out on developing systems that foster genuine self-esteem and sustainable success.
Forget about the (usually false) "benchmarks." Focus on your own growth and being a better leader, friend, family member, community member, and (if it applies) dad every day. Find a system that works to get you there. Invest in yourself, and you'll see the payoff.
There’s a modern belief that talent or effort can carry anyone to the top. It’s a myth that’s especially harmful to men
