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InterHuman Solutions, Durham, NC (2026)

09/02/2026

We were supposed to be on the same team. Yet she didn’t send me important materials or invite me to a critical brainstorming session.

I wondered: What was going on?

When I requested information and didn’t receive it, and when she disagreed with me in a meeting, my narratives grew. I told myself: She wants to control the whole process and resents having a consultant. She isn’t interested in culture work. She doesn’t like me personally.

I had a few choices. I could ignore it. I could talk to the CEO, who had hired me. Or I could address the issue directly.

I thought about which of these steps would likely produce the best outcome. I set up a one-on-one.

At the beginning of our meeting, I noticed her clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows. I wondered what she might be thinking. So instead of starting with my concerns, I simply asked her how she was doing. When she said, “Fine,” I gently asked again: “How are you really doing?” She sighed and started to talk. I grew quiet, nodded, and listened. I reflected back her concerns. She continued to share.

I noticed her body language slowly shifting. Her jaw began to relax. Her shoulders did, too. Her arms dropped to her sides.

After that initial dialogue, I better understood the pressures on her—and I started letting go of my previous assumptions about her motives. They were simply stories I had created, not facts to be acted upon.

She seemed to recognize that I wanted to support her, work collaboratively, and help the organization be successful. We discussed what we each needed for that to happen.

What followed was a successful culture change project—and a genuine partnership.

I later reflected on the interaction and how frequently this scenario plays out. We notice certain behaviors, and we create stories to explain them. We may even make decisions based on our assumptions. Yet when we show up with curiosity and care, we’re more likely to learn what’s actually going on.

And there’s a bonus: whether or not our stories contain some truth, showing up with curiosity and care builds trust, strengthens connections, and helps us navigate challenges as part of the same team.

08/26/2026

In the middle of a team meeting, an executive leader raised his voice and said, “Why were you put in charge of that project? We clearly needed someone with real experience managing the process!”

The room stilled. People looked down, avoiding eye contact. After an excruciating pause, someone changed the subject. The meeting continued as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Later, the chair asked how she should handle the situation. Should she bring in HR? Should she fire the leader? Team members asked: What will the consequences be?

Everyone focused on the possible punishment. Yet that approach won’t resolve what happened. It doesn’t address the needs of those affected, repair relationships, build trust, or attend to the conditions that might have led to harmful behavior.

Restorative Practices offers a much more effective framework, one that we explored in a three-day training I recently facilitated.

We imagined a different type of workplace—one in which accountability doesn’t immediately imply punishment. In that workplace, we don’t ignore problematic behavior, nor do we avoid responsibility. Instead, we expand our questions so that we understand more deeply what happened, who was harmed, and what was the impact. We involve those affected in determining what is needed for repair. And we take responsibility for making things right.

Much of the training focused on building relationships and trust, developing the skills to speak up for each other, and establishing shared expectations. Those steps provide a foundation so that when something happens, as it did in that team meeting, we can more effectively attend to it.

What if, instead of responding with silence or defaulting to punishment, we met difficult moments by naming what happened, exploring the impact, and deciding what was needed for repair?

Imagine the difference that could make in employee engagement, team functioning, and organizational effectiveness.

**
Thanks to the Milwaukee Health Department for committing to create a restorative workplace. What an amazing team!

08/19/2026

Just one strap poked into the aisle. Yet the airline attendant glared at me, raised her voice, and told me to push my bag ENTIRELY under the seat in front of me.

I guiltily pushed the strap under my bag. After a brief pause, I shook off my embarrassment and turned my frustration outward.

Why was she so rude to me? Her reaction felt extreme, especially for something so small.

And then I wondered if her behavior might have nothing to do with me.

I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t want to assume.

So when she passed my seat again, I smiled and apologized for the strap. She hesitated and then smiled back. A few minutes later, as she shut my overhead bin, I thanked her. She made eye contact and said, “You’re welcome.”

During the flight, we interacted a few times with a pleasant exchange or a knowing look. And as I disembarked, I waved and wished her a great rest of her day. She grinned and responded in kind.

I might never know what was going on for her in that moment—just like we might not know what is happening for our colleagues, direct reports, or people we encounter in the world. And we can still avoid jumping to conclusions about someone’s character based on a brief interaction.

It just takes a pause, a willingness to question our assumptions, and a commitment to responding with humility and grace.

08/13/2026

Nobody Wants to Hold the Hot Potato

Remember the last time you made a mistake?

How did you feel in the moment? Perhaps you were embarrassed that others might notice. Or disappointed in yourself. Or fearful of the potential consequences.

What did you do when you found out? Perhaps you ignored it, hoping it would disappear. Or you quickly fixed it, trying to make sure that no one would notice. Or, you blamed someone else to avoid having to take responsibility. Whatever our response, our impulse is often to get that “hot potato” as far away as possible.

Now imagine that you work in an organization or on a team that encourages you to try new things and sometimes fall, helps you name and own your errors without shame, and supports you as you grow from those experiences. In that scenario, your reaction would likely be quite different, as would your colleagues’ responses.

That workplace can be much more than a fantasy. We can (and should!) create teams and organizations in which we can do all those things.

It starts with simple modeling:

Acknowledge your own mistakes, and take responsibility for repair.

On a personal level, when we are open and honest about our own errors and also commit to fixing them, we start to normalize that behavior. A client recently shared that after he sent an abrupt email to his whole team, he followed up with an apology and a pivot. While the team at first expressed surprise, they also noticed the behavior—and when he continued to name his own mistakes as they happened, others began to do so as well.

Reward people when they share their mistakes or ask for help.

When we thank colleagues for bringing forward their questions, uncertainties, and willingness to talk through failures, we send a message that this is the behavior we want. A coaching client has been consistently thanking team members who offer her feedback about missteps. As a result, more employees are sharing their perspectives, and she is using that information to strengthen how she interacts with the team.

Focus on learning across the organization.

When we notice a mistake, instead of defaulting to blame or frustration, we can commit to supporting each other in our growth, working together to find a solution, and even looking at how we might improve our systems to help reduce errors. A client mentioned that after a team member made a few mistakes, the team worked together to think through the root cause. They realized that their process was unclear; once they fixed that, the mistakes ceased.

Ultimately, no one wants to get stuck with a hot potato. And, if we commit to changing how we show up, react to others, and lead our teams, we can begin to shift our culture to one of encouragement, support, and positive accountability. Perhaps then our hot potatoes will turn into something we can hold comfortably and share openly.

08/07/2026

This is about that hard conversation you’ve been avoiding.

I know; it’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. And it’s definitely not fun.

I’ve talked with three people just this week who are each avoiding a hard conversation.

They know that pretending it isn’t there won’t make it disappear. Every time they look away, it grows. Soon, it will fill the room, affect the whole team, and obstruct the work.

So even though it’s hard, uncomfortable, and about as fun as a sharp pebble in your shoe, address it. A small pebble is annoying and sometimes painful. When ignored, it eventually becomes a boulder and takes up all the space, likely crushing a lot more than your toe.

07/31/2026

Recently, I was asked to facilitate a hard conversation between teams in an organization.

One team came in ready to listen, understand what had happened, and figure out how they could move forward.

The other came in prepared to defend its position and share a list of non-negotiables.

Yet, within the first few minutes, something began to shift. The first team truly listened, asked open-ended questions, and reflected what they heard. The second team, which initially seemed to expect pushback, was instead met with understanding and concern. As they realized that they were being heard, both about what had happened and its impact, the tone of the conversation began to change. They recognized that they were on the same larger team and wanted the same thing: a way forward that worked for every team member.

We committed to staying at the table, remaining genuinely curious, and listening to understand throughout the conversation. And ultimately, we were able to work through the conflict and map out a clear path forward.

And it all started with something simple yet foundational: helping people feel truly heard.

07/23/2026

This past weekend, I tried to buy a sofa.

As soon as I walked into the store, an associate approached me and asked what I was looking for. I described what I needed. She seemed eager to assist but kept showing me options that didn’t fit—even after I reiterated what I wanted.

I suggested I look around the showroom and find her if I had questions. Yet she stayed beside me, asking for my reaction every time I paused at a sofa or sat down to try it.

I left without buying anything.

It struck me that what happened extends far beyond buying furniture.

While she seemed to hear my words, she didn’t change her approach. And, rather than creating the conditions for me to explore on my own, she tried to direct every step of the process, as if more involvement would lead to a sale.

Ironically, the more she tried to influence my decision, the less I wanted her to help me make it.

Leaders do this often. To help move things along, we answer before understanding, offer advice before asking questions, and solve before diagnosing the real issue. Then, because we are so focused on a specific result, we leave little room for people to explore, develop, or learn through their mistakes.

Yet leadership is about listening to understand and then being willing to change how we respond. It’s also about resisting the urge to steer every step and instead creating the conditions for people to think, discover, and grow.

Whether we are trying to make a sale, coach an employee, or build trust with a colleague, we need to recognize that people rarely thrive when they feel controlled. They thrive when they feel understood and trusted.

07/16/2026

In desperate need of rehoming.

A scruffy, soulful-eyed dog stared up from the photo.

I couldn’t scroll past.

So I read the post.

The author described a host of hard life circumstances—intense family needs, recent financial hardship, and a health scare.

I sent a support emoji.

Then I noticed the comments. More than 20 people had already weighed in, and most responded with unsolicited advice, questioned her decision, or expressed concern about the dog’s well-being.

I don’t think any of them meant harm. Yet most commenters likely didn’t know the details of her circumstances or how long she’d wrestled with this decision.

Instead of first acknowledging her pain or providing space for her grief, most jumped straight to sharing their opinions.

It struck me that we do this at work, too. People make difficult decisions, deliver hard news, or navigate personal choices that affect work. And instead of leading with humility, we sometimes jump in with what we would have done, or why the current decision isn’t the “right” one.

We can choose to show up differently. We can seek to understand, offer support, and resist the urge to insert our own opinion where it wasn’t requested.

Because we rarely know the whole story.

07/09/2026

The conversation ended before it even began.

I’d shared an idea with a colleague, who responded by immediately dismissing it—without asking a single clarifying question, without curiosity, and without acknowledging the thought and effort that went into the idea.

My colleague wasn’t the first person to respond to a new idea that way.

And if we’re being honest, we’ve all hastily responded to a text, an email, or a comment in a meeting without considering the impact of our words or our tone. And we’ve all been on the receiving end, feeling the sting of a reply that landed much harder than the person likely intended.

I don’t think most people try to cause harm.

Yet their intent and impact don’t always match.

So what does a more productive response look like, especially when our gut reaction is “No!”?

𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞. Before reacting, take a moment to consider what you might not yet know.

𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. Be curious about what drove the idea. What problem are they trying to solve? What is their reasoning? What’s behind their proposed solution?

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥. Even if the solution doesn’t solve the whole problem, some part of it might move the team closer to the right answer. Start there.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭. Think through how your response might land, both in words and in tone. While you may not intend to shut someone down, a rushed response can end a valuable conversation before it even begins.

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨. You don’t need to be the one who’s “right” or the source of the best idea. Often the strongest ideas are those built through collaboration that begins with someone else’s first draft.

And if your response lands harder than you intended, name it, and offer repair. Acknowledging impact shows that you care about the other person and their input.

So the next time someone brings you a suggestion and your instinct is to explain why it won’t work, pause first.

Remember what it feels like when your idea is dismissed before it’s understood and considered.

And give the other person the type of response you’d want to receive.

07/02/2026

He wanted to get married.
She didn’t believe in marriage.
So they abruptly broke up.

As I watched the drama unfold on the screen, I sighed. Their argument wasn’t necessarily unsolvable—and it likely wasn’t even about marriage. It was about things they cared deeply about that neither of them had named in that conversation.

They just didn’t look under the hood.

Marriage was his way of trying to meet a need. Remaining unmarried was hers. They were arguing about the words in front of them without being curious about the needs underneath.

They never asked each other:
What experiences or beliefs shaped their views of marriage?
What did marrying represent to him? Tradition? Belonging?
What did remaining unmarried represent to her? Autonomy? Her sense of self?
Was there another way to meet their needs, one that didn’t hinge on marriage, or the absence of it?

Instead, they stayed at the surface: “I want marriage” vs “I don’t.”

We do this constantly at work.

“We need to standardize this process” vs “We need flexibility, as every situation is different.”

Both individuals may be trying to support the team: one through consistency and fairness and the other through responsiveness and trust in people’s judgment.

“We should all be in the office three days a week” vs “We should be fully remote.”

One team member may be prioritizing connection and collaboration while the other may be prioritizing flexibility and the ability to do focused work.

In each case, we’re debating what’s at the surface instead of asking what’s underneath it, which is usually a need trying to be met.

When we take the time to understand those needs, we create space for outcomes that honor more than one perspective.

We just have to remember to look under the hood.

InterHuman Solutions

09/02/2026

08/26/2026

08/19/2026

08/13/2026

08/07/2026

07/31/2026

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