Supporting Neurodivergent Kids & Families

11/05/2025

Tonight! You don’t want to miss this one! —->> https://www.tiktok.com/?_r=1&_t=ZP-919MLcfwDuR
8ish pm ET! Bring a dysregulated friend 😂😩🫶🏻

08/24/2024

Sometimes you just have to get up , out and do something for yourself.
Sun is shining , coffee in hand.. I would say this morning I feel like myself.
One step at a time , right? 😘

08/19/2024

In case you didn’t know-

Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. Coercive and controlling behaviour is at the heart of domestic abuse.

Women & men suffering from this kind of incideous and covert abuse are the ones at HIGHER risk due to the fact that this kind of abuse goes under the radar. It’s not recognized by the courts or taken seriously by police officers (not saying ALL systems don’t recognize or act on this , but most don’t ). Leaving women and men , alike , vulnerable , unprotected and feeling hopeless and helpless.

What do we have to do to be heard and believed? It’s sad because so many even with broken bones and bruises have to practically beg to be protected. Don’t even get me started with the coercive control some do by using children as pawns. These individuals are extremely dangerous and one of the main reasons why may surprise you or make it hard for you to believe. They , most of them, seriously have no true self awareness or any sense of accountability. They are convinced they’re right , everyone else is the problem and they simply can’t see what they’re doing is wrong or the consequences. It’s truly sad and so dangerous for all parties involved.

The next time you feel the urge to judge someone who’s been mentally and emotionally (or in any shape or form) abused and manipulated , DON’T.
The amount of times I’ve heard people say things like:
“If it was so bad , why didn’t they leave”, “she never complained” , “well we all have marriage problems” “maybe they’re the problem” or any other dumb a$$ comment , makes me SICK. If YOU haven’t lived through it , you don’t get to pass judgment , I don’t care if your grandma went through it and she left and lived a happy life. Everyone’s experience is different.

It legitimately blows my mind that somehow our society is so quick to question and judge the abused individual and gives the abuser the benefit of the doubt. Makes me sick. We literally give the abuser power , justify their behavior and perpetuate the abuse. When we see in the news about family murders and su***de or someone we know — at that point it’s too late. But it seems that in order to be taken seriously someone has to be severely hurt or dead.

Coercive controllers are masters of manipulation and will often appear to be the most charming , good parents , excellent spouses while behind doors they’re destroying someone’s life. Don’t be fool by how perfect it all seems.

If you or someone you know is a victim of coercive control , don’t stay quiet, don’t let anyone silence you. There are resources and people who will actually listen. Which is one of the reasons we have to bring these things up. To be a voice for those who don’t have one or think they don’t. You DO have a voice , you matter , you don’t deserve to be treated that way.

Remember everyone looks good on paper and anyone can smile for a picture.

{Of course there’s a LOT of nuance here and every situation is different , so don’t come at me 🙄😂 if it doesn’t apply to your specific experience / circumstance. I’m speaking from mine , people that have shared with me and my own extensive research.}

08/18/2024

😘 This one came from the heart. This was a good day with my baby girl & some very special people. I think I’m getting closer to making my way back to me.

No one tells you how hard it is & nothing could ever prepare you for the amount of grief , shame , fear , trauma , dissociation , guilt and numb feeling that comes from divorce. No matter who “decided” to take the step , it’s something I don’t wish anyone to live through.

This kind of grief is one that you can’t fully experience , process and start to heal , because when you get married and promise “to be together in sickness and in health , till death do us part”— when there’s children involved , those vows may no longer hold truth in the marriage but they do hold truth because of the child(ren) that connects you with your ex spouse.

When the child has different needs and you have to jump through hoops and run yourself to the ground , in order to provide a stable environment , when they still have to transition back and forth. Seeing your child transition to the other parent is heart wrenching. Literally seeing your heart outside of your body walking away. Missing parts of their daily lives, mourning , while trying to build a new life. There’s so many pieces & there was a time that I couldn’t see how it would EVER be “better”.

Hoping and working towards “better” without knowing what that all means, convincing yourself and you child that “different” and a “new normal” will feel better , will feel complete , will feel like home again; but deep down having doubts that you can live up to what your child deserves.

No one really “wins” when divorce happens. We all loose something & the hardest part of that , is trying not to loose yourself , because your child needs you more than ever.

Here’s to new normals & new begginings. Here’s to getting ourselves back “home”.

05/02/2024

I haven’t written about “The girl who lives inside” in a while. I hope that I can be a voice for someone else , just like so many have been a voice for me when I didn’t have words for my feelings.

Here we go….

“When I go silent”
When I go silent, when I respond or react in ways that you may not understand or perhaps you may think they’re not appropriate , for that moment, I want you to know this:

I’m not childish
I’m not “acting up”
I’m not craving “attention”
I’m not being “dramatic”
I’m not being “difficult”

My brain works different. I don’t expect you to understand it all, in fact , I don’t understand it fully either. But it’s my brain and my life and I have to learn how to live with what I’ve been given. & Learning every day how to be kinder to my own self.

My silence or confusing response / reaction could be a sign of:
Overwhelm
Confusion
Burnout
Shutdown
Overstimulation
Emotional dysregulation, in general.

My experiences are human experiences , they’re not exclusive to my autism or adhd. However , what I wish people who try to understand is that , the difference is in the intensity those experiences are lived. You and I do NOT feel , see , process things the same. The way it feels inside of my mind and in my body , how it impacts my life , how it can drain me , in how long it may take for me to process and recover, I may ruminate longer than most , I may have to talk about it more in order to make sense of it. It’s simply different and will always be more intense.

If you love a neurodivergent person please be mindful of , well meaning but hurtful comments like “we all feel that” “I’ve been through the same” “that’s normal” “we’re all a little bit adhd / autistic” “just let it go”, “you can’t let that get to you like that” ….

While ,we know, that those who love us come from a place of care and compassion , those comments are extremely invalidating to our individual experience. The way we experience life is nothing like the way our neurotypical and allistic peers experience it. For us it can be extremely debilitating , isolating and bring feelings of hopelessness.

When we hear comments like those , some of us could feel even worse than what we do already. Because, “why can’t I just can’t do xyz like Susan does?”
It can make us feel shame and pull away from people because we just don’t want to keep explaining ourselves or maybe we feel bad about annoying people or we just entirely give up on ourselves. This is why having the right support and systems is SO important. And it’s important for us to be mindful of the words that come out of our mouths, while we may have the best intentions , it could be more harmful than helpful.

Ask the autistic person in your life what is it that they need from you. Know , that those needs may change from day to day or week to week or month to month , not by choice , but because our emotional and mental capacity and threshold changes , often , depending on our life circumstances and experiences. Please keep asking us questions and keep an open mind. We’re not projects to fix or monsters to keep caged away. We’re human , just like you, deserving of love , dignity and respect.

Know that I’m (we) trying my best to communicate verbally or non-verbally. Please know , this can be extremely difficult some times.

I wish it didn’t happen. We just need someone to linger a little longer & love us a little harder and together , maybe we can be who we were always meant to.

If you’re read this, I hope you can feel that you’re not alone , you’re not bad , you’re not a failure. If people walk away or treat you poorly , because of who you are, just know this : THEY are the pathetic losers 😉

04/08/2024

Ladies (and yes men , too) if your spouse of significant other hits you , pushes you around , forces you to have s*x with them… maybe you have marks , bruises , cuts , broken bones… that is domestic violence, that is physical abuse. You NEVER deserved it. No matter how many times you’ve been told you did.

If threatens you , yells at you , curses you out , lies to you , goes and talks bad about you so that they can look like the victim while you are the one who looks like the abuser or the “crazy” person , manipulates you , won’t take agency for anything , apologizes for what they’ve done followed by a “but ….. _______ (you deserved it , you made me do it , it’s your fault , you provoked me , you also yelled at me)”
That is called coercive abuse. Just because a medical examiner can’t see the proof of s*xual abuse or the bruises or the cuts , it doesn’t mean is less real or less damaging.

In my opinion this kind of abuse is far more damaging for many reasons , including , people not believing it is true or maybe “not as bad”. Leaving the victim isolated & without a voice & in danger behind doors.

Also , KNOW this —- this kind of behavior is WRONG no matter how much the other person feels entitled , whether you’ve actually hurt them or it’s perceived hurt. Don’t hear me wrong —- if you have hurt this person you DO have to take responsibility , doesn’t mean you’re gonna pretend you’re perfect , however , NO one deserves to be treated in such a way.

It is important to be aware where and if we’ve ,unintentionally ,enabled the coercive controller in our lives (wether that’s a spouse , friend , co-worker , family member , boss ect) , take agency , process & understand what happened and what steps you must take to repair and heal within yourself.

The chances are , you won’t be able to repair to the point of a “reconciliation” with the coercive abuser. Why? Well first of all , it may simply be not safe for you to do so. Also, this individual is not capable of self awareness or self reflection , which prevents them from seeing what they’re actually doing. You see , you’re a mere object in the fantasy of this individual. You’re not nearly as valuable or worthy as they are, and you’ll never be. You will never be “good” enough for them forgive anything you’ve done to them. They will ALWAYS be the ones who are hurting the most , never understood , everyone is always out to get them, they will think everything you do is to hurt them or with some kind of intention or agenda.

These , in many cases , highly paranoid individuals and think you’re lying to them about everything. & Of course when you do lie because you’re sick of them, they will use that until the end of times to prove a point. They can literally turn everything around and blame shifting pros. Leaving you confused and disoriented. Which is one of the reasons many victims do not even know they’re being abused— the mental manipulation is so great that she / he has lost their sense of self , their self esteem and sense of reality.

Most women don’t share this kind of treatment because they carry so much shame , people don’t believe them, and most of them have been quiet about it until the point they finally spoke up.

Some of the reasons could be:
1- they did not know it was actual abuse. Literally didn’t recognize it as such.
2-fear of what family members and friends will say.
3- maybe they tried to speak up before and when the coercive controller found out they went into a rage and became more aggressive.
4- they were manipulated to believe maybe it didn’t happen that way or wasn’t that bad.

It’s not that “easy” or simple when the abuse these individuals , are living through, isn’t recognized, not just by society and even their own friends or family , but also the legal / court system.

Then you see on the news or find out that Holly down the street got beat up or shot or stabbed to death and everyone wonders “what happened ?! They looked so happy together..” While we don’t know Holly’s story, it is very likely that her spouse was a coercive controller and he snapped and guess what?! That choice now has a permanent consecuence. Maybe Holly
asked for help , maybe she even went to therapy wondering and trying to “fix” the problem. Maybe everyone told her she was “too sensitive” and that it really “wasn’t that bad”. Not much we can do for Holly now. But no one took her seriously before. N

04/04/2024

& let me add a few more things:

People don’t outgrow autism. Just let that sink. It doesn’t go away. You can’t pretend is not there or wish it away. It is not something to feel bad for or say “I’m sorry” to someone , for being autistic. It’s not a freaking death sentence. You can’t catch it.

Those of us who’ve been diagnosed late in life—- >
•Doesn’t make us LESS valuable. We’re not stupid or lazy or dramatic.
•We’re human beings who haven’t been given a fair chance to thrive and given the same opportunities, be successful, like our neurotypical peers.
•we’re not LESS autistic just because we got diagnosed late , we’re not making it up, we didn’t suddenly become “so autistic or more autistic”
•We aren’t using the “label” to get away with “bad” or socially unacceptable behavior.
•we are GRIEVING. Grieving ,the somber reality of how we’ve lost so many things, relationships , opportunities , the change to develop a healthy self awareness, self esteem and innner knowing.
•we never truly learned how to speak , feel or act for ourselves. We’ve looked outside of us to validate our feelings and thoughts, needs , wants ..
•we’ve been gaslight more times than our peers will ever experience in their lifetime.
•we’ve been rejected more times than our neurotypical peers have in their lifetime (about 20k more times by the age of 12)
•were sick to having to “prove” that we’re “autistic”. If we’re “too functional” no one takes us seriously , if we need “too much” support then we become a burden and forgotten.
•just because we’re able to do something today doesn’t mean we’re able to do so tomorrow (or even later that day) this could be anything from showering, eating , cooking , cleaning , working ect ect ect.
•we already feel bad about ourselves , trust me, we don’t need your judgements or opinions on what YOU think we may need or what YOU think we should do or how to do it.
•social cues and social rules can be often confusing , give us space to process and help us out instead of making us feel like we’re stupid.
•we CAN grieve AND also find validation & comfort as we navigate what being autistic means for us.

I’ll be very honest , most people that I come in contact with are truly uneducated about what autism (and neurodivergence in general) and what it means.
A starting point is this —— ASK the person about THEIR experiences , what do they need. If hats not available due to communication challenges , then ask their caregiver. Get educated , ask questions , ask how you can best support the autistic person in your life. Then , DO IT. Not what YOU think , not your agenda , meet the person where they NEED you to meet them.

I also want to acknowledge the fact , that not everyone has the same emotional space & capacity to be in close relationship , or any kind or relationship with an autistic person. In that case , just walk away. Don’t force them to fit your narrative. We’re already confused & frustrated and exhausted as it is , we don’t need people who only bring more confusion and hurt into our lives.

And yes , before anyone says something, there’s positive things about this journey and I’ll continue to share them. Today I need people to know , that we do suffer
mistreatment some more than others. And we’re grieving. So let us grieve in whatever ways we may need to and as long as we need to.

If you’re a late diagnosed autistic woman. You’re not alone. Your tears aren’t wasted. Little by little & piece by piece we will find out footing and place in this upside down world.

03/14/2024

What my silence &/or limited communication doesn’t mean:
That I’m “guilty” & don’t have a good point to defend myself.
That I’m “petty”.
That I think I’m better than anyone else.
That I’m lying.
That I’m complying or agreeing.
That I am hiding things.

My silence or lack of “speaking out” or defending myself or proving a point. Has nothing to do with anything other than:
I truly have absolutely nothing else to say. You know , when you get to the point where you just know that you have to move on for once and for all..? not caring what people were told about you , what people think of you, Who was right , who was wrong , who this or who that…

My silence means simply this
— I’m not interested. I said what I needed to say.l & I no longer have the space , desire or need to say anything else.

No one is free or sin , I know I am not. But I guess I rather be deemed “guilty” and hated for whatever people want to believe about me ,than try to convince them otherwise, cause if I even have to , then I don’t want them in my life anyway.

Words of wisdom , in any situation..
Be careful who you side with, who’s narrative you’ve decided is worth my of your presence. Your “loyalty” , without understanding the entire context could cause imaginable damage to others involved. Me included. I have to ,constantly , check myself because I know that when emotions run high I, too, could be guilty of playing a part that doesn’t belong to me.

I am not perfect. Actually I’m as broken if not more than anyone else. But I know what I am, and that is , someone who will continue to treat others with dignity and respect and if that means some will never hear me speak another word or see me again ,then that’s what it’ll be.

My silence doesn’t mean anything other than, I have nothing else to say. That’s it. Closing the chapter. Time to start looking at the blank page before me and start creating a new story , with new characters , new places & experiences & most importantly , a safe place for me to to be able to , not just find my voice , but keep it. A story where becoming silent doesn’t have to be the only option.

Silent Echoes … the girl inside may finally be heard , seen and kept safe. She is finally making her way back home.

02/23/2024

Trauma bond explained in a very simple way using an example.

418 likes, 3 comments. “Are you or have you ever been in a trauma bond? 😭 Comment below 👇 Follow for daily content! 💃”

02/20/2024

To all of my neurodivergent people out there —- We’re not broken or stupid or lazy or too sensitive or dramatic or any other word we’re called when we ask for any kind of support and/or accommodation we need , in ANY area of our lives that we may need them.

Including but not exclusive to asking and receiving support and accommodations for:
•work
•home life
•travel
•social events and places (events , restaurants, amusment parks , museums ect)
•church
& other and any situation , place or circumstance where support & accommodations you need.

For many of us — the support and accommodations we may need are truly simple. Maybe not easy always logistically (ONLY because we live in a world made by and for neurotypical people & we don’t know what to do with someone who needs something different).

As a society we need to make room & create space to provide the support needed to thrive , be successful & have a good quality of life just like EVERYone else. Truth be told , we ALL need support and accommodations regardless or our neurotype. The “problem” is that we live in a society that ,often, values performance , overworking , not asking for help , keeping a crazy busy schedule , & ,overall , not considering an individuals mental & emotional health.

I encourage you to stay open minded , be curious and ask questions , ask what extra support or accommodation someone may need to be able to do the “thing” that needs to be done. MOST importantly we NEED to validate and believe the individual who’s asking for it.

For me, the WORST part is when someone doesn’t validate or believe what I’m asking for or how I feel in that moment. We already feel bad about ourselves as it is , we don’t need more judgment. Truly , what we need is to be treated with dignity and respect , just like everyone else. What we need is to be validated. What we need is people who are willing to stay open minded & ask questions about how to find ways to accommodate and support. That’s what we need. But then again - isn’t this part of what we ALL need at times?

Support and accommodations needed to thrive and be successful , being validated and heard , are NOT exclusive to disabled and neurodivergent people —- we all need it at times. Let’s slow down and stay kind and open minded.