08/30/2026
A child can know the rule, understand what is expected, and have done it successfully many times before — and still struggle to do it in a particular moment.
Because being able to do something isn't just about knowing how.
When a child is overwhelmed, anxious, tired, overstimulated or dysregulated, their access to skills such as impulse control, flexible thinking, problem-solving, communication and emotional regulation can change.
This is why:
“But you KNOW better.”
“You did this yesterday.”
“We’ve talked about this before.”
…often doesn’t help.
Instead of asking, “Why aren’t they using the skill?” try asking:
“What is getting in the way of accessing the skill right now?”
Sometimes our children don't need another reminder of what they already know.
They need our help getting back to a place where they can use it.
— The Therapist Parent
