Nicole Diana - Doula Services

05/14/2024

Next time someone asks you what motherhood is like tell them it's like this pan.

I could show you the new, shiny metal one that I have in my cabinet. It has no scratches and looks like it’s never been used. Because it rarely has. It’s the Instagram of pans. If I wanted to show you how my children and I bake cookies at Christmas time, I would show you that pan.

But, this is my go to pan. My every day pan.

It’s the one that gets the job done. It is well browned, scratched, and way past it’s prime. I’m quite certain I should throw it away. It’s hideous! But, it’s also durable and reliable and I’m not afraid of it.

Afraid, you ask?

Yes, afraid.

I get afraid of new, shiny things. I feel like I have to keep them that way. Kind of like the pressure a new mom feels to do everything perfect ~to be the perfect mom.

But, this pan has been in the fire and has the markings to show for it. It’s messy, aged, and worn. I’m sure at one point it was new and shiny, but I can’t recall it. Kind of like how I can hardly remember how things were before I was a mother and I only had myself to care about.

I’m sure at one point I cared about keeping that pan new and shiny. Surely, I scrubbed and tried hard to keep the stains away. But, one day turned into the next and I guess I let go. I stopped caring so much about appearances.

Perhaps it got too hard to care anymore.

Too hard to keep it looking perfect.

Perhaps I had a job to do and couldn’t be bothered by the looks of things.

I don’t recall, but I’m sure this felt a little like freedom. There’s much freedom in resigning yourself to the fact that life will bring with it stains that can’t be scrubbed away. In knowing those stains don’t define you rather show that you’ve been hard at work.

And oh boy, is motherhood work. But this pan reminds me that I was made for the oven and so were you.

You were fashioned to withstand the flames and pressure that comes with motherhood. You are being put to the fire, but it’s not breaking you ~ it’s refining you. It’s only making you better able to stand the heat.

You feel worn out and aged, BUT it’s also making you strangely beautiful. No one will be able to look at you and say she didn’t do her job. That shiny new coat of motherhood was placed there in hopes that one day you would be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.

I think we should give them away at baby showers. Not some new, shiny pan that sits cold in the cabinet, but one that gave of itself despite the stains and look of ruin. Despite the fact that it can no longer lay flat on a counter, but is crooked and bent. That way expecting mothers would know that true love doesn’t look like perfection, but a well-used, ugly, old, scratched-up, glorious brown pan.

02/25/2024

"I am often told how "lucky" I am to be able to successfully breastfeed but I have to respectfully disagree. Luck has nothing to do with it, dedication does (and maybe a little stubbornness).
-It takes dedication to make it through the first few weeks of breastfeeding when it feels like razor blades are being taken to a very sensitive part of the body
- It takes dedication to be the ONLY person who can fed the baby, day or night, thanks to worthless man ni***es 😜
- It takes dedication to make it through cluster feeding
- It takes dedication to have not slept through the night in months/years.
-It takes dedication to make/eat/clean-up every meal with one hand while nursing a hungry/fussy baby
- It takes dedication to be a human pacifier
- It takes dedication to pump every three hours for 30 minutes when away from baby, even during the night
-It takes dedication to limit your wardrobe to outfits that you can easily access the goods
-It takes dedication to breastfeed through Mastitis
-Lastly (I know there are many more), it takes dedication to breastfeed in public with the risk of being bullied/shamed

There is so much more that takes place in a successful breastfeeding relationship than being "lucky". So the next time you are speaking with a breastfeeding momma about her journey (whether it's been two hours or two year), please don't tell her she is lucky it's working out. Tell her how proud you are of her for giving such a selfless gift and then buy her a coffee...... trust me 😉"

01/10/2024

Can we talk about the fact that women get overstimulated and it’s mistaken for anger?

No, I’m not angry; the tv is on 88, the dryer going, someone’s mowing the lawn, my Apple Watch dinging non stop, my shirts too tight, my hair isn’t in a messy bun correctly, there’s crumbs on the floor and I can feel it.

I’m not angry. I’m overstimulated and need a minute to get myself together. 😫

Being an Adult is exhausting.

No matter what someone always needs you.

Go to work; someone needs you, come home; someone needs you, go to sleep; someone needs you, shower time; someone needs you, going to the bathroom; someone needs you.

A child, a baby, an adult I’M ALWAYS NEEDED.

I’m not angry 🤍 I’m overstimulated.

Let me collect myself before you start to accuse me of being in a bad mood. I just need a minute. 🥲

11/15/2023

Perfectly said!

Love this reminder from Whitney Fleming Writes

11/14/2023

Great advice for the cold and flu season!

08/12/2023

Super mother - not superwoman.

One thing at a time. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other 💫

Feel free to tag someone who may need to hear it.

📖 Poem from my second book “Mother On”. You can find my books (available worldwide) here - https://www.hangingwiththeheaphys.co.nz/emmaheaphypoetryseries

Words of Emma Heaphy

06/25/2023

I do so many things I hate doing
because for you, my child, I’ll do anything.

I’ll advocate for you even though confrontation makes my armpits sweaty and makes me uncomfortable.

I’ll go to a playdate even when I’m completely exhausted, burnt out, and don’t feel like socializing because I want you to play with your friend.

I'll squeeze my adult body into tunnels, crash into ball pits at play spaces, and ache the next day because you smiled wide.

I’ll show up on a cold and rainy day, shivering through your soccer game while rooting you on as you slosh through the wet grass to get the ball.

I'll babysit the class pet, that black and white gerbil, even though it's too mouse-like for my liking.

I’ll ride carnival rides even though I get motion sickness and pretend I’m not going to hurl.

There are so many times when I'm in the middle of doing something and think to myself, "Wow, I must really love my kids.”

Because I do,
more than anything.

When you were born, my purpose in life changed.

And I’ll never regret putting your happiness above my own.

And when I'm with you, I get to experience that thing through your eyes, which makes me magically not hate it at all.

Your happiness will always come first,
because for you, my child, I'll do anything.

✍️:
📸: Art by Chloe Trayhurn

01/31/2023

I know you know you’re lucky
I know how grateful you feel
To get to raise your babies
And feed them every meal

I know you love your job
And your babies every day
So much so it hurts
To hear what you want to say

But I know you need to hear it
To feel like you’re not alone
To lighten that daily load
You often carry on your own

I know it all I promise
I am just like you
So please, sister in motherhood
Let me hold you too

I know that you’re exhausted
I know you try so hard
I know the overwhelm often
Catches you off guard

I know you have your goals
Or dreams for “maybe one day”
I know you’re not just a mum
Despite what society says

I know the years are short
Yet some days can be long
You hardly get a moment to sit or shower
You wonder where you’ve gone

I know you know that feeling
Of getting “nothing done”
Despite pouring your soul
Into each and everyone

I know there is no paycheck
That you do all of the unseen
I know you struggle to see
The impact you’re making

I know you’re sometimes lonely
In the best company you keep
You feel you’ve lost your mind
Because you’re in so deep

I know you know it’s worth it
That you wouldn’t change a thing
That this is the life you love
And the song you’ll always sing

I know it all I promise
I’m right here alongside you
Because sister in motherhood -
I’m a stay at home mum too.

Poem: Words of Emma Heaphy
Art: O Trocatintas

01/06/2023

by Syanna Wand

07/28/2022

Absolutely! 💜

Hold the mother, not the baby.⁣
⁣
Because the baby’s being taken care of—⁣
fed, snuggled, and given all the love in the world—⁣
by not only the mother,⁣
but her partner, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends.⁣
⁣
But the mother,⁣
may have gaps in her mind from lack of sleep,⁣
may be mechanical in her motions as she’s healing,⁣
may feel more like a mess than a mother,⁣
may be sitting in bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed in her body and life,⁣
may be full of mom guilt because in her mind, "she's not good enough,"⁣
and she’s bleeding, wincing in pain, swollen and emotional.⁣
⁣
And the mother’s that baby's whole world and needs to be seen, so she doesn't disappear into that postpartum fog.⁣
⁣
So, hold the mother, not the baby.⁣
⁣
A mother agrees that her baby matters more.⁣
But she’s hurting, while she’s the person behind the baby,⁣
in the background, making it all happen:⁣
feeding her baby at all hours,⁣
snuggling her baby close to comfort newborn cries,⁣
and being that baby’s everything.⁣
⁣
So, it’s the mother who needs your love.⁣
⁣
And a mother will remember who held her up.⁣
⁣
So instead of “I’m coming to see the baby,”⁣
try saying, “I’m coming to see you 𝘢𝘯𝘥 meet the baby, too.”⁣
⁣
Because the mother needs to be held more.⁣

📸: This Mama Doodles
....................................................⁣⁣
My Children’s Book 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺: 𝘈𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘛𝘰𝘰 is out everywhere: https://amzn.to/317TvVc