06/02/2026
Not everything said about you is about you.
Read that again.
There's a difference between receiving someone's words and absorbing them as truth. And learning to tell the difference might be one of the most important personal peace keeping emotional skills you ever develop.
I've been thinking about the three questions I now ask myself before I let anyone's critique, comment, or energy take up rent in my spirit:
Was it necessary? Was it kind? Was it helpful?
If the answer to all three isn't yes — what you received wasn't feedback. It was projection. It was displacement. It was someone else's unprocessed pain, dressed up and handed to you without your consent.
Psychological projection — first described by Freud — is a defense mechanism where individuals attribute their own undesirable feelings or impulses to others to avoid confronting those feelings within themselves. In plain language: when someone dumps on you, they're usually running from themselves.
That doesn't mean you never look inward. It means you look inward wisely.
Introspection is a critical self-exploration skill — it helps us understand relationship patterns, set boundaries, resolve misunderstandings, and build healthier connections. But introspection is not self-flagellation. There is a difference between a check-in and a tear-down. Self talk avoids replays of someone elses words above your own internal dialogue.
Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion gives us a framework worth living by. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would extend to a good friend — and research shows that self-kindness is associated with lower levels of stress and depression, while self-criticism activates the stress response.
Self-compassion is NOT arrogance. It is NOT dismissing others. It is NOT pretending you're perfect. Research shows that self-compassion provides greater emotional resilience and stability than self-esteem, but involves less ego-defensiveness and self-enhancement. Meaning — you can hold yourself with grace AND still be accountable. Grace and growth are not opposites.
Here's my personal protocol now:
✦ Check in. Was there any truth in what was said? If yes — note it, grow from it, release any emotions or feelings from how you took what was said.
✦ Check out. If the answer is no — or if it was delivered with cruelty, not care — hand it back. Mentally. Energetically. Firmly. ✦ Set the boundary. "I understand you feel that way, but I see things differently" — a simple, clear statement that maintains your perspective without absorbing someone else's projection.
Their unresolved issues are not your assignment. Your peace is.
💬 What's your practice for not taking things personally? I'd love to hear from you.
♻️ Share if someone in your circle needs this today.