05/06/2017
Nurture – to care for and encourage the growth or development of…
Recently, someone told me that they wanted to nurture me. I have to say I was taken aback. I am the one who nurtures. In that moment, I realized that to truly nurture I must not only give but also receive. It is ok for me to seek the help, attention and strength of another to grow stronger and more spiritual with their guidance. Not because I am weak but because I am brave enough to trust someone else with my vulnerability. What a relief to admit that I don’t have everything figured out. There are other people who will help me along the way.
As a coach, mother and friend; nurturing is choosing another while remembering to take care of myself. In choosing others, I suspend judgement to meet people where they are. Judgment is quickest way to destroy trust. When nurturing the coaching relationship, I have learned to suspend my own impulse to take control. All people have the ability to lead themselves and when they find their own path they will commit to it. It is their idea, not mine.
This is why personal power is so important. There is a window between becoming an independent adult and falling back into dependence on others – our employer, client, spouse, friends. Do you remember that window? Was it a tiny, dusty window in the attic or was it a vast opening, filled with possibility?
To nurture oneself is to remember your own dreams and cultivate them. We can still honor our responsibilities without using them as an excuse to neglect our own growth. No matter your responsibilities, the most important responsibility is to choose the life you want.
What is your legacy? To define the future you want you must look at the legacy which you have inherited. This is your community, your religion, your job, the expectations of your family. Take the good stuff and release the rest. Easy right? Now here’s the hard part, who’s legacy have you collapsed yourself into right now? Are you really living your truth or have you forgotten it? If you are like me and you have a high desire to help others, beware of the trap of being support staff in everyone else’s life. Directing your energy to help yourself is not selfish. It will allow you to learn the lessons which are part of your evolution.
Here are a few ideas to consider;
• Do you know what feels right? Do you embrace what energizes you?
• Can you admit what needs to be cleared out? Is it emotional debris? Past trauma? Connections you have left open long after the person on the other end as moved on?
• Have you outgrown titles in your professional or personal life yet you hold on because they are comfortable?
• Where are you settling? Why are you settling? What is your plan to push past complacency?
• Take responsibility for creating your personal legacy now and move forward
• Know your patterns of reaction, challenge your assumptions, choose to respond from the now
• Listen to your body, your mind is only half of the equation
• Do you know when you are spiraling into a negative space? Choose to come back to a place of positivity.
Here’s where it gets interesting. You are a master project planner. You did the work, you took many small steps uphill toward your goal, you forgave people and circumstances in your life. You began to see that the pain and struggles have made you who you are and you are grateful. You are now staring at the “snow globe” of your life and it holds the perfect picture. One which you illustrated some number of years ago in your mind’s eye. You are here with that delicate globe in your hands. From the outside looking in you are proud and accomplished. Mazel Tov, you have made it.
There is only one problem pictures change. Time and the process of evolution waits for no one. That’s when you feel it, the shallowness of your breath, that knot in your stomach. Listen. Your body and soul are telling you something important. What do you do? Do you smash the snow globe into a million pieces? Do you then look at the mess with regret and anger for not holding onto that precious thing? You may instead catch this fragile image at the last moment and hold onto it with fear in your heart. That is what settling feels like.
