Susan Howard-Perry Consulting Services, LLC

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Susan Howard-Perry Consulting Services, LLC Psychological services for those seeking to improve the quality of their life.

Let's talk about the conversation almost everyone avoids: death.I get it. It's uncomfortable. It feels morbid, or premat...
09/13/2026

Let's talk about the conversation almost everyone avoids: death.

I get it. It's uncomfortable. It feels morbid, or premature, or like tempting fate somehow. But here's the truth: none of us are getting off this planet alive. Death isn't a possibility we're planning for — it's a certainty we're all facing, whether we talk about it or not.

And avoiding the conversation doesn't make it go away. It just makes it harder — especially for the people who love us most.

Think about it from the caregiver's side for a moment. Someone you love is ailing or nearing the end of their life. You're trying to hold together your own job, your own family, your own sanity — while also making the final decisions for someone else. Where do they want to receive care? What matters most to them in their final days? What did they picture for their funeral or their celebration of life? If those questions were never asked, every single decision becomes a guess made under pressure, often layered with grief, guilt, and doubt about whether you're "getting it right."

This is what we call anticipatory grief — the emotional weight of loss that begins before the loss itself. It's real, and it's exhausting. Having a plan in place doesn't erase that grief, but it does remove one heavy layer: the uncertainty of not knowing what your loved one truly wanted.

And this isn't just a conversation for older adults. If you're in your early 20s, death and dying probably aren't on your radar — and honestly, they shouldn't be your main focus. Your life is just getting started. But a basic plan of care and end-of-life wishes still needs to exist for you too. Life is unpredictable, and having something in place isn't about expecting the worst — it's about making sure the people who love you aren't left guessing if the unthinkable happens.

There's also the legal side of things, and it matters more than people realize. Who has power of attorney? Who's the medical power of attorney if you can't make decisions for yourself? Who's going to divide up your belongings? These aren't just paperwork questions — they're often where families come apart. If there's one thing that can tear a family apart faster than grief itself, it's money and property left unaddressed.

If you name someone as your executor, or as the person responsible for dividing your estate, say so clearly — while you're able to. Put it in writing. Make your choices known. Because if you don't, that person is left holding decisions that were really yours to make, and other family members may blame them for choices they never actually got to make themselves. Being clear and specific now protects the people you love from being cast as "the bad guy" later.

Having these conversations early — while everyone is calm, clear-headed, and not in crisis — is one of the most generous things we can do for the people who will one day have to care for us, or say goodbye to us. It's not about dwelling on death. It's about protecting the people we love from having to guess.

So here's my gentle nudge this week: talk about it. Ask your parents. Tell your partner. Write it down. It's one conversation that gets easier the sooner you have it — and it's a gift, not a burden.

This might resonate with some of you: if a therapist seems to be working harder than the client, something’s off. In my ...
09/02/2026

This might resonate with some of you: if a therapist seems to be working harder than the client, something’s off. In my experience, a therapist’s role isn’t to tell you how to live, make decisions for you, or push you toward a choice you’re not ready for, unless safety is at risk. Life throws hard decisions our way, but they’re still your decisions to make. If you’re not sure what you want or need from therapy, that might be a sign to dig a little deeper into what you’re really looking for.

So what does “digging deeper” actually look like? Before your next session, try asking yourself: What am I hoping will feel different because of therapy? What am I avoiding talking about? Am I looking for support, a sounding board, or someone to help me figure out what I actually think? You don’t need perfect answers — but showing up with even a little clarity makes the work so much more powerful.

Intrusive Thoughts: What They Are and When to Get SupportAlmost everyone has intrusive thoughts — sudden, unwanted image...
07/30/2026

Intrusive Thoughts: What They Are and When to Get Support

Almost everyone has intrusive thoughts — sudden, unwanted images or ideas that pop into your head and feel completely out of character. A parent might picture dropping their baby. Someone driving might imagine swerving into oncoming traffic. These thoughts can be violent, sexual, or just bizarre, and they’re often followed by shame or fear: “Why would I think that?”

Why they happen: The brain generates thousands of random thoughts a day. Intrusive thoughts are a normal byproduct of that process. What makes them “intrusive” is that they clash with your values — which is exactly why they feel so disturbing. The distress itself is actually a sign they’re not something you want to act on.

The key distinction: A true intrusive thought is unwanted. It creates anxiety, guilt, or disgust, and the person actively pushes it away. If a thought instead feels aligned with intent, brings relief or satisfaction, or comes with planning, that’s a different clinical picture — not an intrusive thought anymore, but something that needs immediate professional attention.

How to manage them:
Don’t fight or suppress the thought — that tends to make it stick around longer.

Label it: “This is an intrusive thought, not a reflection of who I am.”

Avoid compulsive checking or reassurance-seeking, which can reinforce the anxiety cycle.

If they’re frequent, distressing, or interfering with daily life, talk to a therapist — this is very treatable, especially with talk therapy that helps you change unhelpful thinking patterns, or gradual exposure-based approaches that reduce the fear response over time.

If a thought ever shifts from unwanted to something you feel compelled to act on, that’s urgent — please reach out to a crisis line or mental health professional right away.

Trust is the quiet foundation under every relationship. When it breaks, the damage doesn’t stay contained to the moment ...
07/22/2026

Trust is the quiet foundation under every relationship. When it breaks, the damage doesn’t stay contained to the moment it happened — it changes how safe someone feels, how much they brace for it happening again, and how much they’re willing to risk a second time.

In intimate relationships, this often means more than just questioning the betrayal itself. It can mean questioning their truthfulness, struggling to relax into closeness, or feeling like your own judgement can't be trusted. Even when the relationship continues, something about how safe it feels to be fully open often doesn't just return.

I see the same pattern as often in families — especially when someone who chose estrangement later wants to reconnect. They may feel ready, reflective, even changed. But readiness on one side doesn’t erase what the other side is still carrying. Refusal isn’t stubbornness — it’s a real question: is it safe to let this person back in?

Wanting reconciliation isn’t the same as having earned trust back. Trust is rebuilt through consistent, demonstrated change over time — not through intention alone. My mantra has always been, watch what a person does not what they say - words are cheap.

And sometimes, even with time and effort, trust doesn’t come back at all. That isn’t a failure of forgiveness. It’s a valid form of self-protection.

Whatever you decide — to reconnect, to wait, or to stay apart — that choice is yours, and it’s okay. There’s no amount of time, effort, or patience that guarantees a particular outcome. You get to decide what safety looks like for you.

Every July 4th, we see a predictable pattern that doesn't get talked about enough: domestic violence spikes.Research ana...
07/03/2026

Every July 4th, we see a predictable pattern that doesn't get talked about enough: domestic violence spikes.

Research analyzing nearly 25,000 partner violence incidents found DV rates hit annual highs on the Fourth of July and New Year's Day — right alongside other alcohol-and-gathering-heavy holidays like Memorial Day and New Year's Eve. A separate study of 21 million ER visits found Independence Day was one of the top holidays for intimate partner violence injuries, trailing only New Year's Eve.

The drivers are consistent across the research: alcohol, heat-driven irritability, financial stress, and more time together as a household with fewer outside checks.

If you're with family this weekend and something feels off, trust that instinct. And if you or someone you love needs support, the National DV Hotline is there: 1-800-799-7233

Something ancient is waking up. And psychology has a name for what we're watching.When we look at the fracturing happeni...
05/26/2026

Something ancient is waking up. And psychology has a name for what we're watching.

When we look at the fracturing happening between masculine and feminine energy in our world right now, our first instinct is to call it collapse. But every great evolutionary leap in human history has looked like collapse from the inside.

Maybe what we're witnessing isn't destruction. Maybe it's transformation.

For thousands of years feminine energy has been systematically suppressed across every culture, every religion, every civilization. And this didn't just harm women. It harmed everyone. Because every single human being — regardless of gender, biology, or how they identify — was born of both energies. You came into existence through the union of masculine and feminine forces. They live inside you. They always have.

Carl Jung understood this. He identified the anima and animus — the inner feminine and inner masculine that every human being carries regardless of gender or identity. When we systematically suppressed the feminine in our collective culture we didn't just wound women. We forced every human being to exile half of their own psychological wholeness. Intuition. Emotional intelligence. Receptivity. Deep wisdom. Whole dimensions of human capacity declared weak and therefore dangerous.

Psychology calls the parts of ourselves we exile the shadow. And what lives in the shadow doesn't disappear. It accumulates. It waits. And eventually it demands to be integrated.

We are watching that demand play out in real time.

The data reflects it. According to the United Nations Population Fund State of World Population Report 2023, global fertility has fallen from an average of 5 births per woman in 1950 to 2.3 births per woman in 2021. An estimated two thirds of the world's population now live in countries with below replacement level fertility. Female su***de rates are rising even in cultures where women have survived centuries of unimaginable suppression. Male loneliness and isolation have reached epidemic levels.

But perhaps the most revealing data point of all — in a survey of nearly 8,000 people across eight countries, the United Nations found that more men than women were concerned about falling birth rates, and more men than women believed higher fertility rates would have a positive impact.

Read that again. The people most concerned about women having fewer children are men.

The UNFPA offers a different interpretation. Falling birth rates are not a crisis. They are a reflection of women exercising increasing control over their own reproductive lives. That is not collapse. That is agency.

And agency, after thousands of years of suppression, looks revolutionary.

What's happening now — the withdrawal, the exhaustion, the refusal — isn't failure. It's the feminine energy in all of us remembering what it is. Reclaiming its place. Not to overpower. But to restore a balance that is far older than the systems that disrupted it.

The healing isn't only external. It begins inside each of us.

The man who reconnects with his intuition and vulnerability doesn't become less. He becomes whole. The woman who reclaims her power and wisdom isn't threatening anyone. She's modeling what integration looks like. And every person regardless of how they identify who does the courageous work of welcoming back their exiled half is participating in something much larger than themselves.

This is not a collapse. This is an emergence.

The evolution we need starts inside each of us. And it starts now.

Source: United Nations Population Fund, State of World Population 2023 — unfpa.org/swp2023/too-few

Can we just be honest for a minute?People are tired. Not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep fixes. The kind of ...
05/21/2026

Can we just be honest for a minute?

People are tired. Not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep fixes. The kind of tired that comes from fighting — fighting insurance companies, fighting rising costs, fighting automated phone systems, fighting politics, fighting just to get basic human decency from the world around you.

If you’re at the point where you’re thinking “I just want the pain to stop” — I hear you. That makes complete sense. This isn’t weakness. This is what prolonged, relentless stress does to real people.

You’re allowed to be exhausted. You’re allowed to say “this is too much.”

No matter how bad it gets, remember this - your reality starts with you. You have more power and control than you realize — it just doesn’t feel like it at times. So start with yourself, your home, your community. Do things that feed your soul! Do things that allow you to express yourself in a creative and hopeful way. No one can take the feeling of accomplishment, peace, joy, and hope away from the basics that allow you to fully breathe.

Money stress isn't just a financial problem — it's a mental health problem. I'm seeing it constantly in my practice righ...
05/17/2026

Money stress isn't just a financial problem — it's a mental health problem. I'm seeing it constantly in my practice right now. People who are otherwise holding it together are hitting a wall because financial pressure is relentless, and it affects everything: sleep, relationships, concentration, mood. If you've been feeling more irritable, more withdrawn, or just "off" and can't quite explain why, financial anxiety may be doing more damage than you realize.

Here's what most people don't know: chronic financial stress keeps your nervous system locked in a near-constant threat response. Your brain doesn't distinguish between a predator and an overdue bill. Both trigger the same alarm system. Over time, that wears you down physically and emotionally — and it has nothing to do with weakness or poor coping. It's biology.

So what can you actually do about it? First, contain the worry. Set a specific time each day — 15 to 20 minutes — to think about finances, make calls, review accounts. Outside of that window, when the anxious thoughts creep in, remind yourself: "I have a time for this." This sounds simple, but it works because it gives your brain a boundary instead of an open door.

Second, get your body out of the stress response. You can't think clearly when you're flooded with cortisol. A few minutes of slow, deliberate breathing — inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for six — signals your nervous system that you're safe. Exercise, even a short walk, does the same. These aren't feel-good suggestions. They're physiological resets.

Finally, watch your isolation. Financial stress carries shame, and shame makes people go quiet. Talking to someone you trust — or a professional — doesn't fix your bank account, but it does break the cycle of rumination that makes everything feel worse than it is. You don't have to be in crisis to deserve support. If this is resonating, reach out.

05/13/2026

Something worth knowing if you or someone you love is struggling with depression:

If you’ve been prescribed Wellbutrin (bupropion) for depression, it’s important to know that antidepressants — including Wellbutrin — can sometimes trigger manic or hypomanic episodes in people who have bipolar disorder that hasn’t yet been diagnosed.

Many people living with bipolar disorder are first treated for depression alone, simply because the full picture hasn’t emerged yet. Adding an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer in these cases can sometimes destabilize mood rather than help it.

Signs of hypomania can include decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, impulsivity, irritability, and uncharacteristic risk-taking behavior — and it can sometimes feel good to the person experiencing it, which makes it easy to miss.

If you or someone you care about has started an antidepressant and you’re noticing significant behavioral changes, it’s worth having a conversation with a qualified psychiatrist — not just a general practitioner — who can do a thorough diagnostic evaluation.

You deserve accurate diagnosis and the right treatment.

Spring is a natural reset point, whether you feel ready for it or not.If your energy has been low, your motivation has b...
04/12/2026

Spring is a natural reset point, whether you feel ready for it or not.

If your energy has been low, your motivation has been inconsistent, or your routines have fallen apart over the winter—this is not a failure. It’s human physiology and psychology responding to stress, reduced daylight, and cumulative fatigue.

A “spring reset” does not mean reinventing your entire life. That’s where most people go wrong. Big overhauls are not sustainable and usually lead to burnout and disappointment.

Instead, focus on three basic areas:

1. Simplify, don’t expand.
Pick one or two habits to stabilize. Not ten. Not a complete lifestyle change.

2. Reset your baseline routines.
Sleep, hydration, movement, and food structure matter more than motivation. Motivation follows behavior—not the other way around.

3. Reduce mental clutter.
You don’t need to solve every problem this month. Choose what actually needs attention and let the rest sit.

If you feel behind, you’re not. You’re just being pulled back toward a more realistic pace after a demanding season.

A reset is not about doing more. It’s about doing what is necessary and letting the rest go.

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7001 North Locust Street , Ste A118
Kansas City, MO
64118

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