Listen to Understand Family Mediation

04/22/2024

Was at gasworks park with John Sullivan yesterday for a three mile walk. Three miles in the world is a lot harder than three miles doing laps around the Auburn super mall, but we did it!

09/20/2020

This article represents an internal dialogue I've been having as I consider tackling marital mediation.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201307/marriage-arguments-can-all-conflicts-be-resolved #:~:text=Most%20therapists%20agree%20that%20fixing,without%20criticism%2C%20anger%20or%20fighting.&text=Marriage%20researcher%20John%20Gottman%20says,all%20conflicts%20cannot%20be%20resolved.%22

09/08/2020

This is a great book - and it's just common sense. The first three principles are (paraphrased) know each other, like each other, turn towards each other.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

09/04/2020

A guest post I authored and edited back in 2017.

I was thinking about marriage mediation and recalled reading 'most marital disputes can't be resolved' in Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman).

I think it's important to understand that agreeing to disagree can be a form of resolution. When we respect and accept that we do things differently we can move through conflict even though we may still disagree.

Rather than being a point of conflict in our marriage, our very different parenting styles and approach with our children more realistically prepare them.

09/03/2020

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧?

• The parents have a shared interest in the well-being of their child(ren)
• You’re modifying an existing plan – they may know what works and doesn't
• Something has changed and helps with setting the agenda

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭?

• There are strong emotions involved
• There are often significant differences in opinions, values, and parenting styles
• The issues are often entangled

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐥𝐲?

• Understand what matters to them and why? How does this affect their child(ren)
• Learn what matters to their co-parent and why? Can these needs be met without hurting the child(ren)
• Think about the future more than the past

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬?

• Have the flexibility to make the process fit the parents
• Be able to synthesize and find common ground
• Have a calming aura

𝐁𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 https://yaytext.com/bold-italic/