03/06/2025
For years, I am someone people have come to when they are thinking about leaving their religion, but they donât want to...or they have left and they need to heal from what happened. From my perspective after all those conversations, I am inviting people in religion to learn a new way to communicate that inspires and heals and does no harm.
You can help prevent religion trauma when you share & teach from a place of direct personal experience on how living what you believe has improved your life & remove passive ego attitudes of âbetter thanâ
Outdated language of âyou should," "weâre right, youâre wrong,â âthe worldâ thinks this but we think this in a better than attitude, can not only harm. itâs no longer working to influence behavior in the generations below baby boomers. (Was it really working before?)
Love is the new motivator.
Assigning what you believe Godâs punishments will be to your friends and family, isnât your call and is weaponizing religion. (Can you take in the reality of using something sacred and harming people with it?)
The language exudes passive or aggressive self importance, is not inspiring a change of heart, and can wound a young child, victims of abuse, those carrying mental & emotional health burdens or a tender soul in a process.
If youâre in religion and you want to change things from the inside, this is a place to start.
We start by taking an honest look at ourselves and being accountable for ego attitudes of being superior weâve held that may have contributed to condescension wounding people are working to heal from. (Rather than cheap shot ego pointing that "they" are the problem.)
We can learn how to share and share freely from more emotionally intelligent ways. Coming from âI feelâ or âThis is my experienceâ is non-violent communication, as well as incontrovertible. Where is the argument in direct personal experience?
In all the times my Heavenly Father has communicated to meâŚ
I have only been spoken to with love. Every delivery came with a tangible feeling that if I would make a certain change, I would find greater happiness. He pointed to the next step and He conveyed inexhaustible hope in me in moments of correction. He pointed me forward and the woman I used to be, even five minutes ago, He was not referring to her, he was speaking to the woman I was becoming.
When I hear âyou shouldâ language, I canât help but think this is how humans talk to each other, but itâs not my experience of God.
Yes, there are times in scripture where God uses different language, but when I am teaching in my home, or I am talking to someone I met at a park, I have not been called to speak for God.
My calling is different and clear â to learn of Jesus Christ, to be meek and lowly in heart, to love my neighbor, to locate & love those different than me, not judge others, & cast out my own blindspots before setting about to change someone else.
When people donât feel good enough, a coping mechanisms is to take self-condemnation and project it outward onto other people
Thatâs what judgment is â unfinished business with yourself being projected onto people in your eye shot â in my opinion. Like anyone, Christians can fall prone to anxiousness about being enough.
It is so much lighter & easier to be someone who can tell the truth about your own condition. I am the one who doesnât feel good enoughâŚ.Iâm falling shortâŚI am overwhelmedâŚI donât understand these sections of my religionâŚ
First, telling the truth is honest and honesty brings about an accurate assessment so the real problem can receive on location healing.
Secondly, when our life has been touched and transformed by grace enough times, that Heavenly substance starts to flow through us â it becomes accessible in conversations and in relationships. Itâs easy to forgive and to see the best in people, because it hurts not to.
Truth telling, kindness, and grace softens and strengthens us and maybe if we get enough of it, we can become a safe place for people to talk out their inner conflicts. When it comes to our children, are we ready to be the first line of conversation? Have we done the inner work to earn trust? Or do they have to go elsewhere because "my mom & dad would never understand this?â
Sometimes people want to know why I stay in religion when I see the problems I do. I stay because my life is lighter and more peaceful from holding to the purity of the covenants and teachings of Jesus Christ. I stay because God's love for me, manifest through His son, Jesus Christ, has transformed every aspect of my life for good. He has tutored me in a way where the way I live my religion does not feel heavy to me. (Like the way I used to do it.) He has healed wounds from having religion weaponized against me in the ways I am, and always will be, different. He taught me what was really going on and that I could help make the church within my reach a safer place for others.
If all of that is something another person genuinely wants to hear, I would share it anywhere, with zero expectations or beliefs about their life. If it doesn't seem right, it's a privilege to be silent, listen as an intrigued and real friend to how they feel, what they want for the life that belongs to them and hold both perspectives as equal.
