SipwSarah

10/23/2024

Finding: Stars Hollow Our Epic Mother/Daughter Adventure in search of the real Gilmore Girls Stars Hollow,CT

An in-depth guide for the Ultimate Gilmore Girls Adventure in Search of Real Stars Hollow, CT.

10/10/2024

What’s That Supposed To Mean? 50 common phrases narcissists use and what they really mean

Have you ever come away from a conversation with a weird, sick feeling like the other person didn’t mean what they said? If so, trust your intuition; these common phrases can be very clear red flags!

After surviving 20 years of abuse, I’ve become fluent in the language of abuse. Through the support of the survivor community, I have found these phrases were not unique to my abuser. As part of my own healing, I wrote these common phrases out. On paper, the pattern of abuse becomes completely obvious as the frequency and severity of abusive phrases slowly increase.

It's Day 10 of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I am sharing this again in hopes others can recognize these common phrases as warning signs. If you have experienced these common phrases, the best thing to do is to end the relationship immediately before you graduate to what the survivor community calls a primary or secondary source. Leaving may be dangerous! If you believe you are a primary or secondary source call the domestic violence hotline and develop an iron clad safety plan.

50 common phrases narcissists use and what they really mean

10/08/2024

🚩 30 Red Flags of Covert Narcissists AKA emotional abusers: If you see many or most of these attitudes and behaviors in a person you know, you’re probably dealing with someone who suffers— therefore makes others suffer—with their covert narcissism.

Most Coverts rarely resort to the violence of Overt Narcissist, but that doesn’t mean they won’t make your life miserable. It actually means they’re more dangerous because their signs are much more subtle.

1. They cultivate a public image sharply different from their private behavior.
2. They feel threatened by honesty and directness - especially when you point out their inconsistencies with their values and behaviors.
3. They deny and dismiss you feelings - especially when you try to talk to them about how they’ve hurt your feelings
4. They harshly criticize and judge others yet over react emotionally at the slightest criticism directed towards them
5. They make unreasonable demands with no concern for your willingness or consent to comply. Your refusal to comply will result in a covert attack.
6. They live vicariously through others or turn your problems into their own dramas.
7. They exploit or attack your vulnerabilities but are extremely insecure about their own shortcomings.
8. They play on the sympathies of others as a tactic to secure compliance for their unreasonable demands
9. They fake or exaggerate illness/injury for attention
10. They avoid introspection and lack self-awareness
11. They focus on how unfairly they’ve been treated, yet have little concern for how unfairly they’ve treated others.
12. They are envious of others and that envy turns into vengeance over time.
13. They love juicy Gossip but expect full confidentiality from you whether agreed to or not.
14. They triangulate and even use the gossip to create division in a group
15. They love giving you the silent treatment and hold grudges, yet have no concern and take no responsibility for any wrongdoing on their part that led to whatever you did to them that they’re holding the grudge for.
16. They front an air of superiority yet need constant reassurance
17. They are inattentive or annoyed when others are speaking yet expect your undivided attention when they speak.
18. They have double standards - It’s ok if they do it, but if you do it to them it provides them with justification to attack you whether covert or overt.
19. They’re sore losers and will seek personal revenge off the playing field
20. They become fixated on others’ problems and misfortunes in an effort to put others down or make them feel superior.
21. They flatter and fawn to win the favor of others outside their circle. Once pulled into the social circle, all that flatter and fawn goes away and gets replaced with behaviors mentioned above.
22. They display their anger, rage and contempt in private or in their inner circle.
23. They do apologize, but it’s never sincere.
24. They avoid any direct responsibility by using the enablers brainwashed into their inner circle to carryout their covert attacks.
25. They have an exaggerated sense of entitlement.
26. They are impressed by the overt narcissist’s appearance of confidence and idealize them.
27. They feel special through their association with others.
28. They use guilt and shame to control and punish you - their favorite phrase is “After everything I’ve done for you!”
29. They do nice things for you simply to cash in on a favor later.
30. They feel they have the right to emotionally abuse you because all of the material things they gave you somehow justify it.

Bonus: They love making their victims feel stuck. They trap their victims to comply and even consent to the abuse for fear that an unwillingness to comply will result in losing or damaging the relationships with the other friends, family, coworkers, colleagues…Loss of financial support, housing, job, social connections…

Have you noticed the theme here? Does it make you feel dizzy? That’s because the extreme disconnect from their words and actions are enough to make anyones head spin.

This is where the emotional abuse gets physical. This produces a cognitive dissonance in others, who experience a profoundly disorienting gap between what they perceive and what the narcissist says. Particularly in young children, cognitive dissonance is extremely traumatic, leading to self-doubt and disassociation.

There’s no talking to these types of people, it’s their way or the highway. The best thing is to notice the signs before you get sucked into to their inner web of emotional abuse and torture.

10/04/2024

🚩 Domestic Violence Awareness Month Red Flag #4: What/Why Trap - When asking an abuser a simple Yes/No question, they avoid answering with What/Why.

What Trap-This is a trick! Don’t fall into it! It starts with a simple “What?” to avoid answering a simple question. Keep asking the same question. The longer you hold them to the question, the more you force them to get more creative “What?” will evolve to: “I didn’t hear you.” or “What do you mean?” My abuser's favorite was “What the (insert assorted profanity) are you talking about? Stay strong. They know exactly what you are asking; they just don’t want to answer it. They’re hoping you’ll back down. Keep to the question! I usually point out that they heard me quite clearly and restate the question as simple as possible.

Why Trap- Congratulations, you’ve graduated to the “Why Trap!” Keep asking the question! They’ll continue with “Why do you ask?” Or “Why do you want to know?” I’ve even reminded them that traditionally, in conversations, one must answer the question before having the opportunity to reciprocate. Brace yourself; the longer this goes on, the more it escalates to “Why would you ask me that?” to “Why would you ask me such a stupid question, you (insert profanity and insulting name)?”

If it escalates to this point, know that you are speaking to an abuser and they could get violent. Any reasonable person would have answered the question already. The phrase above will likely set an abuser on to the attack phase. At this point do not engage further unless you are in a safe place.

Attack- They will make this about you instead of answering the question. “How dare you ask me such a personal question after everything I’ve done for you!” The best thing to do is remain calm and don’t react. If it helps, try to find humor in how ridiculous they act. Remember, what they’re saying is actually about them, not you. They want you to react and cause you to raise your voice to their level and keep increasing their volume until you finally back down. This is another trap, so they can convince you they are the victim; don’t fall into it.

Discard- Congratulations, you’ve remained strong. You stuck to your question. Hopefully, you’ve had enough by now and left the conversation, date, meeting, or whatever the relationship is. If not, then they now see that they can’t fool you. That has made them very angry. They are now in Fight or Flight. Your questions and your persistence have triggered them. They now perceive you as a threat to them. The mask is off. They tried to fight you, but you refused to participate. You’ve exposed them, and they hate you for it. Their only option is to run. They’ve likely already stormed out in a rage, physically kicking or pushing tables, chairs, doors, innocent bystanders, and anything in their path. Congratulations! You’ve dodged a serious bullet. If that’s how they react on the first date or in a job interview, imagine how bad it could have been if the relationship progressed.

No Contact -Now, take out your phone and block them! Once they calm down. They’ll be back, attempting to suck you back into their web of torture that only escalates in frequency and severity over time. Giving them another chance only shows them, in their demented head, that you have consented to further abuse.

7 Questions to ask in an interview or first date and 7 typical reactions to expect from abusive personalities

10/03/2024

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Red Flag #2 & 3: Disorienting Circular Conversations, known as Word Salad, that lead to DARVO.

Did you ever attempt to have a conversation with someone, only to walk away from it, forgetting what you meant to talk about in the first place? Did it feel like you were talking in circles? Do you ever come away from the conversations feeling dizzy or nauseous? Does it make you start to question your own sanity? If so, you could be a victim of a form of Gaslighting called Narcissistic Word Salad. You’re not crazy; just don’t eat the salad anymore! It’s Toxic!

The only goal an abuser has when sucking you into these nauseating conversations is to DENY any wrongdoing, ATTACK you and your character, and REVERSE Victim/Offender.

This is actually a form of brainwashing. To read more about the several tactics abusers use to get you to admit that the horrible things they did were actually your fault, click on the link below.

Warning: Don’t Eat the Salad, It’s Toxic! You could be a victim of a form of Gaslighting, called Narcissistic Word Salad. You’re not crazy!

10/01/2024

Red Flag #1: They make you feel like you owe them something. You don't owe them a thing!

Today is October 1st, the first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In the United States, every 60 seconds, 20 people are abused by an intimate partner. Our best defense against these horrors is listening to the survivors who are brave enough to tell their stories and knowing the early signs of an abuser so you can end the relationship before it gets entangled. Each day in October, I will be posting early signs of an abusive personality.

We don’t owe you an apology when we call you out for disrespecting us because that’s where it starts.
We don’t owe you our laughter when you tell an insulting joke.
We don’t owe you a smile, or a thank you when your skillfully crafted compliment hurts our feelings, whether intended or not.
We don’t owe you our support for your goals and dreams when you dismissed ours as “Pipe dreams.”
We don’t owe you our patience when you’re Mansplaining about something you know nothing about.
We don’t owe you our attention when you’re passive-aggressive toward us.
We don’t owe you diets, exercise, makeup, pretty hair, or plastic surgery for you to display us as trophies.
We don’t owe you our self-respect in exchange for money, jewelry, drinks, or picking up the dinner check, no matter the amount.
We don’t owe you our bodies simply because we’re drunk, wearing sexy clothes, have given it to you before, or are married to you.
We don’t owe you forgiveness when you do it to us again, and again, and again.
We don’t owe you a response when you message us after disrespecting our boundaries.
We don’t owe you a sympathetic shoulder to cry on whenever you’re called out for your misconduct.
We don’t owe you anonymity — sue us.
We don't owe you an apology when we have the audacity to speak out about your atrocities.
We don’t owe your enablers our presence when they remain in contact with those who wish us harm.
We don’t owe your enablers respect when they remain friends or even maintain contact with those who do the above inhumane things you do.
We don’t owe you an explanation for why we're leaving. We've already tried, and it only led to more abuse.
We don’t owe your enablers answers to the question, "Why didn’t you just report it before?”

But here are just 10 reasons why, in case you’re curious:

I must say, Medium has been an invaluable resource with healing from my own trauma. I normally write about coffee and wine,

09/11/2024

Entangled In Blue is now available on Audible

Check out this great listen on Audible.com. Sarah's journey unfolds after her appearance on Food Network's Restaurant: Impossible, which inadvertently unveiled the years of abuse she had silently endured. "Entangled In Blue" is a gripping account that takes you through the aftermath of t...

08/02/2024

It's been exactly 7 years, and the healing has only begun. Have you ever watched the news or heard one of those horrible stories about some stranger who killed their whole family and then killed themself? I have, I watched in horror, asking myself, “What kind of person does that?” I was thankful that I had a loving husband who would never do that to our family. In August 2017, the person I thought was my loving husband turned out to be a monster. We came dangerously close to being one of those families killed at the hands of the person we trusted the most. After telling the kids he was going to the afterlife, Justin fired a gun into the floor of our bedroom with our 5-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son in the room. I was on the floor below, and the bullet came within inches of my head. Thankfully, we all survived that horrible day. While there weren’t physical casualties, there was indeed death. My children’s innocence and our stability, safety, and security died that day. Our “Rock,” who we thought loved us enough to die for us, nearly killed us. Our image of our loving husband/father was forever shattered. Our entire world, as we knew it, changed, never to return. It would take exactly four more years to the date of this incident for my husband’s self-destruction to catch up with him, leading to his physical death. My children and I would not stick around to be dragged down with him. In August 2021, NY Family Court forced the kids to have in-person visits with their abuser. The last time they saw their father, he exposed them to COVID-19 before a vaccine was available for children. Two weeks later, Justin was on a ventilator, and another 2 weeks after that, he died of COVID-19. Going back to the first question I asked when I heard about the other families that died, “What kind of a person does this to his own family?” After all that I went through, I still didn’t have an answer. I only had more questions. Could we ever fully trust anyone again? Will we ever feel safe in our home? How did I get myself into this mess? How am I going to get myself out of it? Thoughts like these filled my head at night or in brief rest moments while frantically rebuilding my life that had just come crashing down around me. I was told to stop living in the past. I knew I couldn’t move on until I had answers. I couldn’t be certain about our future either. I had to understand why he did this to us so I could prevent it from happening again. I spent the next five years researching personality disorders and trying to understand the mindset of people who abused and killed their families. I watched YouTube videos and listened to podcasts on my subway rides to work. I read books at night and scoured the internet for articles and blog posts. I watched true crime documentaries and movies on the subject. The more information I consumed, the more questions I had. It wasn't until I listened to the stories of other survivors that I was able to crack the code. While each story had completely different scenarios, they all fit a pattern. Armed with my years of research on abusive personalities, I was able to identify the warning signs and abuse tactics commonly used in each of the stories as the incidents increased in frequency and severity. Then I started writing. I started with the day I met my husband and named every abuse tactic he used on me and every warning sign he flashed. Looking at it on paper, it was all so clear! The incidents started with name-calling and jokes at my expense and gradually escalated in frequency and severity over the course of 20 years, leading to the highly lethal situations my children and I experienced. Naming the abuse became a powerful tool in my healing. While deeply disturbing, it all finally made sense. I could finally move on. I had no intentions of publishing. Telling my story had risks. What will my family think? What will his family think? Would employers not hire me if a quick Google search showed them I was a “battered wife?” Would clients not work with me if they thought I was somehow “damaged goods?” Will telling my story somehow affect how my children are perceived? Will other predators use this highly sensitive information against me? I survived to tell the story the other families did not live to share. Remaining ashamed and keeping quiet about it just because I was worried about how others would react to my truth certainly wasn’t good for my own mental health. My silence is a disservice to the millions of victims suffering who, like me, have no idea how they got into the violent situation they are in and have no idea how they are going to get out. Knowledge is power! Knowing the signs early on and confidently trusting your gut is the only way to prevent yourself from falling victim to the predatory nature of an abusive personality. It is much easier to leave a toxic situation if the signs are recognized early before it gets too complicated. As survivors, our words spread awareness and empower victims to heal and even change laws! Our stories are our only defense against the deadly violence that is spreading rapidly in the war on intimate partner abuse. Just like the Rifleman's Creed: This is my story. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

"Entangled In Blue" is a powerful narrative that serves as both a cautionary tale and a source of empowerment for those who may find themselves entangled in the same web of abuse. Sarah's journey unfolds after her appearance on Food Network's Restaurant: Impossible, which inadvertently unveiled t...

02/16/2024

Kelce Let Down: Abuse and their Enablers: Travis needs therapy to address how he can express his emotions in a healthy manner. Unaddressed, this will get worse . Taylor Swift is living it up now, but unaddressed, once they honeymoon phase is over, she and Travis Kelce are a recipe for disaster!

Abuse and their Enablers: Travis needs therapy to address how he can express his emotions in a healthy manner. Unaddressed, this will get…

02/12/2024

Author shares journey of abuse and helps readers in new book: Entangled in Blue, by Sarah Hummell, is a powerful narrative that offers a gripping account of the author’s realization that she was in an abusive marriage and how she navigated the aftermath and reclaimed her life.
https://wavepublication.com/book-corner-author-shares-journey-of-abuse-and-helps-readers-in-new

Book Corner Entertainment EntertainmentBOOK CORNER: Author shares journey of abuse and helps readers in new book Wave ProductionFebruary 8, 202404 mins By Marissa Wells Contributing Writer “Entangled in Blue: How I untangled the knots of multigenerational trauma and abuse, and turned it into somet...

11/26/2023

Special Thanks to for featuring my story today as the book of the day:

It Could Never Happen To Me Have you ever watched the news and seen one of those horrible stories about some stranger who killed their whole family and then killed themself? I have, I watched in ho…

11/22/2023

Tune in to Minddogtv tonight at 8pm Eastern for my guest appearance as I discuss my book, my personal journey, and my mission to raise awareness about domestic violence and the warning signs of an abusive personality that everyone should be aware of to protect themselves and their families from danger.

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month came to a close in October, it's crucial to remember that the battle against domestic violence continues year-round. In ...