04/01/2024
Critical; A State of Being.
Before I have ever chosen to blame somebody else, I found myself in an extreme state of being. I began to ask myself whether or not I chose to do something that did not align with my preferences, or personal boundaries. Often times I found myself in deep contemplative states, that allowed me to discover and navigate my sense of existence. A common theme of these contemplative states was that I seemed to have allowed circumstances of which I never wished to engage in.
More often than not, I circumvented and discovered that in those moments of regret, or remorse, that I had participated in choices that allowed this "chaos" to reign within. Many a times I pondered about the circumstances; which left me feeling distorted and jaded, in the fact that I could have done something to prevent what had occurred, and felt the epitome of delusion. Why that is important, is irrelevant to your situation, and lifestyle today.
You see, for persons like me it is unbearable to break the trust of those whom I love and entitle an amount of trust with the person I choose to be. It is not in my interest, nor benefit, to harm a hair on anyone, nor any being in the lifetime I admire, and have been bestowed with in this gift of existence that I dwell within today. There is no excuse, nor seemingly no reason, to be/ or embody a level of retardation. More often than not, I come across challenges that I perceive to be the case. Why is it that I cannot come to grips of the boundaries I set within? Why must I choose to be the same likeness of those who push me into a state of that which exists of the same category?
The answers to these many questions I hurl into oblivion, and that I challenge myself to face, remains a distinctive mystery. Yet, I continually choose to offer the better parts of myself to those whom I come across. A conundrum in the multitudes, that appear to be a part of maturing. Perhaps it would be wiser to choose the latter, and therefore set adrift in the habits and behaviors like those who I despise and disdain.
But you see, I am not like many you meet nor come across. I cannot fathom the likeness in due part to my upbringing, let alone the level of stability that I have come to know as the Adult that I am. Never will I find it necessary to cast permanent judgement on those who take a liking to my kindness. And never will I find cause for repeating the character of those that I lack trust in.
I am a giver of life, a harbinger of light, and a demolisher of unjustified retalition.
I once went by the name of "Doc" because I wanted to dissect the anatomy of demonic intuition. However, As "Sewa", I decide when and where to "cut someone off" of my generosity. What I have and hold, which is what is to share, in the life I have been given, by the grace of God, and only God; is determined by a level of critical awareness.
If and when you find yourself on the receiving end of my own lack of communication, begin with the question of why wouldn't someone who has been through and experienced so much circumstances, feel like they can't and/or won't trust me.
Critical of myself, and my personal notations help me decide who I should keep in the small circle of persons I trust. If you made it this far, and my number responds with a message, a number that is unchanging, ask yourself what it is that I find trustworthy. Because so many people, if not hundred, if not plenty, have my line of communication, yet the ones I respond to post haste, are the ones I believe can do great things in life.
To the outsider looking in, with the help of your goons and goblins, just remember that regardless of who you perceive yourself to be, If I choose not to respond, its more than likely that I don't have anything more to offer to you. I have tried to teach you about the unconditional love of our supreme lord, and you have denied it, and carried on with your own personal delusion. So, stay the f**k away from me, you grimey ass mother f**ken piece of s**t. You disgust me because I entrusted you with my soul, and you took it for granted, which led to the circumstance of our relationship.
Regards,
The Real Me
