05/14/2022
When we/re really upset or angry what do we typically do? Play the blame game, right? It can come in various forms - lashing out, stewing, brooding, mulling, plotting...
Regardless of the flavor blame takes, it tends to be all about spinning in that negative space.
In reality, the best way to get past the negative emotions and blame is to, instead, focus on what we value or need that's being threatened.
Because all negative emotion is really just an indirect expression of something we value or need that's not happening for us.
If I strongly value respect and my partner speaks to me in a disrespectful way, I will probably feel angry or hurt.
While this person is the trigger of my feelings, they are never the cause. Sound radical?
Maslow's hierarchy is a simplified look at different levels of needs. How strongly we value a need will correlate with how strongly we react.
Tuning into our need is a form of self-empathy. And anytime you offer someone empathy, including yourself, negative feelings dissipate. It's like a magic trick.
So, next time you're triggered, step away from the blame and ask yourself, "What do I value that's being threatened right now?"
The beauty of this is, do it enough and you will start to become less triggered!
You'll also build your self-awareness big time in the process.
Would love to hear of your experiences with turning blame into empathy.
DM me with any questions!