05/20/2024
Another excerpt from our book: how developing my character made me a better husband!
"The first time I bought a vehicle and thought, “Man, I have arrived,” was when I purchased a used F250 that didn’t have rust on it. It was the first vehicle I ever owned that wasn’t rusted. We had four children, and we finally bought a used truck that wasn’t rusted. I worked about an hour from home, so I drove the family van with better mileage than the truck, but all week long I was thinking “This week end, I’m going to work on the barn, I’m going to get the truck, I’m going to go to get some lumber and my son and I are
going to build stalls.” I had a vision, this was my Saturday, it was all planned.
Finally, Friday came. I had worked over 12 stressful hours that day and I was wiped out. I was driving the family van and I noticed that the tank was pretty low. And I thought, “Eh, there’s enough to get home and then enough to get to a gas station, so I’m just going on home.” But it was pretty close to empty.
Now anybody who grew up in my home will know that ‘Dad’ always said “Never let the tank get below a quarter. One, it’s hard on the vehicle; it will pull sediment up into the filters and into the carburetor or fuel injection. And two, it’s really thoughtless if someone else has to drive behind you and they have to fill the tank for you.” My Dad always said that and so I always taught that to my children. That Friday, I broke my own rule: I drove home on almost empty, and thought “even if I have to, I’ll run and get gas in it for
whoever drives next.” In other words, I rationalized.
Saturday morning came and my wife was up super early. She said,
“I’ve got to take Amanda to go do her ACT test.” We lived in a small town in Ohio, and she had to drive about 45 minutes to get to the testing site, so she had to leave at five in the morning. She took off and soon after I was getting ready to jump in the truck to get to work on all my planned projects, when she came driving back in the van. She said, “I need the keys to your truck.” And I said “You can’t have the keys to my truck. I’m going to use it.” And she said “John, you left the van on empty. The nearest gas station isn’t open yet. I
need the keys to the truck.” Well, I said “Fine.” And I gave her the keys to my truck and then she drove away in my truck on Saturday morning destroying my plans for the day.
I fussed to myself, not to anybody else, just myself. I was planning to use that truck, and I kept trying to make up some sort of story that would make it not my fault and make it her fault. I’m pretty imaginative so I probably came fairly close, but I had to admit early on, “You know, you idiot, you’re doing exactly what you teach other people not to do. One, you broke your own rule. Two, you’re trying to make up a story that makes it someone else’s fault and you’re purposely distorting your own reality.”
I felt terrible about that and by the time my wife got home I had dinner ready for her and the house was clean; I had to do some penance for my bad thoughts. The funny thing is, she never knew I had those thoughts. (Note to self: it’s always best to repent before the thought turns into a deed.) That is an example of what can happen if we allow ourselves, sometimes purposefully, to become stuck in our own reality. This is where pride will take us, whereas, when I was humble, I came closer to the truth of the situation,
which was simply that I had caused my own problem. What would my relationship with my wife have been like that evening if she had returned home and I had still been sullen and resentful, even if she had been responsible for the situation? But because I was able to turn from my pride and approach a situation with humility, not just once but many times throughout our marriage, (but mostly because my wife is a wonderful person) we have a strong and regenerative relationship today."