06/09/2023
If you smile at the right time,
To the right person, you may get a reaction.
Maybe that’s a smile back or a nod… some sort of acknowledgment.
Some sign that they see you and know of your existence.
That’s how it used to work, anyways.
Our crush would be sitting across the room, and we would give a smile, hoping for some return.
At moments we would “accidentally” bump into them on our way out of the classroom or in the hallway. Pretending to be clumsy or distracted.
Hoping for a physical moment, our arms would brush against one another, and perhaps our eyes would lock – even if just for a second.
And we would be Yearning for it to morph into something more… maybe we could hold hands on the playground. They might sit with you at lunch and share your carrot sticks.
At the end of the day - if things got serious – there could be an embrace or a peck on the cheek. And you would float home in a tizzy… head swimming with emotions you couldn’t decipher.
Your hand would still be warm where it was held, and hours after the fact, you’d feel the moisture on your cheek from a well-placed smooch.
And all of this was divine.
It seemed surreal.
As though it was happening to someone else and you were a spectator.
Sometimes you would float above yourself, not believing that this moment had come, knowing you were smitten, without knowing the word.
Whether you deserved happiness or joy like this never entered your mind, there was no doubt about the sincerity of the feelings.
It didn’t matter if it lasted a day, a week, or ten minutes.
It was tangible, visceral, and quantifiable.
You could measure your emotions by the increase in your heart rate and the spring in your step.
The trumpets of the heavens rang in your ear, and the soft poems of love caressed you to sleep.
Was there anything better than that?
Were you better off knowing directly who liked you?
It was easy to tell you were liked because real people talked to you. Came over to visit and called you on your home phone.
They sat with you at lunch and played with you at recess.
You didn’t battle for attention, it was just there, or it wasn’t. You knew straight away who was in your tribe and who wasn’t.
Now there is instant access to the entire world. The whole world can love you.
At least that’s what most people are vying for. The impressions are what matter.
It’s all that matters.
Hollow digital numbers that are a shell of actual interaction. Just stay in tonight and perform a death scroll for three hours.
“My god, man… look at those likes… look at the love.”
You say to the dog,
Or the cat.
Maybe you say it to the Van Gough print in your hallway.
Perhaps it’s okay. Indeed those gestures of affection will snuggle up to you and share your carrot sticks at lunch.
Maybe hours after the fact, you will still feel the warm glow of the little blue thumb in your eyeballs as you close your eyes at night and dream of just one more like.
One more hollow gesture of human connection to replace what we used to have.
When the night is the darkest, and you are alone… reach up and feel for the moisture on your cheek. The last remnants of a well-placed smooch that happened a lifetime ago.
The last vestige of human compassion, natural touch, and a real connection.