03/11/2026
I want to share something honestly, even if it’s uncomfortable to say.
I’ve had several near-death experiences over the years due to brain injury, seizures, sepsis, and now a chronic skull infection that keeps causing complications. Because of it, I keep having medical crises… and more NDEs.
But here’s the part people rarely talk about.
NDEs don’t always leave you feeling enlightened or peaceful.
Sometimes you come back feeling more broken than before.
Physically, I’m constantly sick.
Mentally, I feel stuck in a dark mindset I can’t seem to escape.
At one point I experienced what people call ego death, and I thought that would change me for the better. But the ego came back. And now I often feel cynical about the world.
The world looks selfish, ego-driven, and wounded. And I hate that I see it that way.
Sometimes I wonder if this is punishment for mistakes I made in the past. I used to drive very aggressively when I was younger and probably scared people. I had anger in me.
Before my first NDE, I actually had a good heart and felt bliss in life. But within a couple years life experiences made me bitter, arrogant, and angry.
And that’s when my first NDE happened.
Since then I’ve tried to change. I try to purify my heart, my mind, my actions. I want God’s love and guidance.
But I’m struggling.
I feel hostile sometimes. Defensive. Cynical toward people. At the same time, I feel deep compassion toward the vulnerable and children.
It’s like my heart is still there… but buried under layers of pain.
People often project their insecurities onto me or take advantage of my sensitivity, which has made it hard to trust others. I also feel like I see things about people and society that many don’t want to see.
And that makes it hard to fit in.
It’s been 7 years of feeling stuck like this.
So I want to ask something honestly:
Has anyone else had near-death experiences that didn’t immediately make life better or more peaceful?
Is it possible that sometimes NDEs open wounds before they heal them?
Or that coming close to death multiple times can leave someone feeling lost instead of enlightened?
I’d really appreciate hearing real experiences from others. Not just the beautiful spiritual stories… but the difficult ones too. 🙏