Meddlers

07/06/2023

Behavioral Coach, Corporate Trainer, and author of "5 Chairs 5 Choices," Louise Evans, says this speech is a call to action. Start creating healthy environments in the spaces that matter most. Her systematic method will help you master your own behavior and manage the unpredictable behaviors of others. "The 5 Chairs" presents give choices... which one will you choose?

This speech is a call to action. We spend about eighty percent of our day at work, the rest is at home. If we have a bad day at work we are likely to take th...

06/28/2023

Today, I want to talk about the power of stepping back to reflect.

Our society puts so much pressure on us to respond immediately, be instantly available, and have an answer in the moment... but sometimes the real power comes in saying, 'I'm not sure" or "I need some time to think about that."

The next time you're in a situation where retreating to reflect might help, go ahead and do it. Just be open and clear about what you're doing! Then, when you're ready, re-engage. You might actually be giving others the time they need to reflect as well.

06/21/2023

Today, I challenge you to notice everything that is going right!

Our brains are wired to notice what’s wrong in a situation — the traffic light we missed, when something doesn’t operate correctly, when the Nespresso machine needs to be descaled right when we need that cup of cappuccino. It’s normal to notice and focus on those moments, but today, I invite you to notice the opposite — how you made every single light on the way to work or how someone did something kind and you paid it forward.

It’s inevitable that things will go wrong in our lives, but the best way to counteract that and make it easier to navigate difficult times is to build the part of our brain that notices what’s going well. This starts with practice, so give it a try. It’s not about toxic positivity; it’s about being able to create balance.

06/07/2023

Welcome to part 2 of my series with Deborah Holstein, who is not only a client, a collaborator, and an incredible marketing executive, but also a friend. Last week, we discussed how to handle an Eeyore on your team. Ultimately, everything we suggested leads to opening up a dialogue.

As a leader, what do you do if you’re dreading, delaying, or actively avoiding a conversation with one of your team members?

First, think about how to engage in a way that allows the other person to be at their best. In other words, don’t surprise them. Instead, find a time when both of you can lean in. Remember, be curious about who they are when you’re prepping. For instance, are they more of an introvert or an extrovert? Consciously leave your own baggage, preconceptions, and defensiveness at the door. Because it’s your meeting and you are the boss, it really is on you to create the best environment for them to be receptive.

Consider the tone you want to create in the meeting. What you say and HOW you say it is crucial. The more you can connect what you’re trying to express with what your team member is trying to achieve, the more likely they will want to listen. Link to the goals of the organization, too! This is the best way to create an “everyone-wins” environment.

Sometimes, getting a win requires some emotional navigation, so be prepared. One way to handle this is to openly acknowledge any feelings in the room. For instance, “I can see this is really important to you,” or asking the question outright: “What is coming up for you?” As a general rule, repeat, restate, and ask questions to make sure you are aligned. This also allows them into the conversation in a way that gets everything out on the table.

We hope you enjoyed this video! Next week, we’re flipping the conversation: How do you handle a difficult conversation with someone who holds all the power or control?

05/17/2023

Today, I’m talking about the importance of slowing down and enjoying the moment, even in the midst of a whirlwind of change.

This weekend, my oldest son graduated from college. I was lucky to be there to see him walk across that stage. It would have been easy to focus solely on that moment, the culmination of all his hard work (all that pomp and circumstance). But I found that the best parts of the weekend were the “smaller” moments, like watching him and his siblings laugh together. It all gave me a sense of joy and peace. By embracing the magic of small details and finding fulfillment in simple things, the memory can become even better, even stronger!

I’ve found that when we practice doing this in happy moments, we build our capacity to do it in the more difficult or intense moments. Leading up to this weekend, I experienced a few harder moments simultaneously to my joy and excitement. It was a good reminder that slowing down does not mean abandoning your responsibilities or pretending that everything is OK.

Find small moments, breathe, and reconnect with yourself. This is where you’ll find the essence of true peace and abundance.

05/09/2023

When it comes to pursuing your goals, it helps to draw yourself a mental map… but I would suggest working in pencil vs. pen. In other words, don’t be so attached to your plans that you miss out on opportunities for adaptation, exploration, curiosity, and the occasional coincidence.

Like so many things in life, it’s all about balance. Attach yourself to your plans enough to be able to take meaningful action; however, even with clear vision and intention, sometimes you have to let go of form and function. If you can find a way to loosen your grip, you may be able to avoid burnout and find a level of synchronicity. Magic can happen when you know where you’re going, but still allow yourself to wander and explore.

https://meddlers.com/resources/intentionality-without-attachment-how-loosen-your-grip-maintain-desire-follow-through

05/03/2023

In the last few years, I’ve noticed more leaders sharing the perspective that to be great, they must lead authentically — that being our most true and genuine selves at work is the gold standard. The underlying belief is that if we can be ourselves without having to adapt to each situation or circumstance, we won’t compromise our character. Overall, being yourself is an undeniably GOOD thing; however, in trying this on and figuring out what it means to be authentic, there is more to it than your own authenticity. In fact, trying to lead authentically can fall short in certain situations.

When authenticity translates as not having to change based on circumstance, poor leadership can arise. In reality, there are always exceptions, situations, and circumstances that require you to adapt as a leader vs. doing what feels “natural” or “authentic” in the moment. Taken too far, the idea of authenticity can actually inhibit our ability to change, grow, and move beyond our comfort zone.

Bill George, professor of Management Practice at Harvard Business School and pioneer of authentic leadership, believes that leadership is about recognizing your strengths and limitations and building upon them, rather than trying to become a different person to fit a certain criteria. Authentic leadership includes acknowledging the needs of others and working toward addressing those needs to serve your organization through leadership. Authentic leaders spend a significant amount of time thinking about those needs and bringing solutions to life through their action and behavior.

https://meddlers.com/resources/risks-authenticity-how-make-authentic-leadership-work-everyone

04/24/2023

Compassion is our capacity to feel things deeply — to be touched by other people's suffering and moved to action. Self-compassion is to be touched and moved to action by our own suffering.

People often struggle to show themselves the same love and attention they give to others. Some may not even fully recognize their own pain. Compassion for others and self-compassion are often assumed to be related, but according to studies, compassion “may have evolved more for a social well-being, while self-compassion (which targets self-judgment) has a greater impact on personal well-being.” In other words, they each serve a different purpose.

Psychologist Tara Brach refers to a lack of self-compassion as being at “war with yourself,” or in a “trance of unworthiness.” She says that people aren’t always aware of the “violent” dialogue they can have with themselves, and how much damage it can do to their psyche.

https://meddlers.com/resources/self-compassion-starting-place-transformation

04/19/2023

Expressing emotion at work can trigger questions and open up the floor to different interpretations, particularly if your work environment doesn’t encourage vulnerability. The questions that come up for me are: How much emotion is OK to show in a professional setting? Should you try to regulate your emotions to the point of never showing them? What place do emotions have in leadership? Can a leader show too much emotion?

What do YOU think?

For me, I think we can sometimes become so focused on holding it together – masking our natural responses – that we forget the ways expressing emotion can help us build trust, strengthen relationships across the board, inspire focus, and learn from failure.

04/12/2023

Has the perilous thought ever occurred to you that you will never reach the end of your to-do list? There will always be something more to do, another task to complete, and one more box to check. But we’re humans, not machines, so we need to be gentle without ourselves — no matter who you are, you only get 24 hours in a day. Ignoring this and pushing to do more will send you into a real downward spiral. Plus, our moods are consistently inconsistent, which makes it even harder at times to continue on with the monotonous (yet chaotic!) routine of the never-ending to-do list.

Regardless of how you do your to-dos — digital calendars, whiteboards, journals, voice messages to yourself — there are methods of getting the best out of lists without allowing them to become a source of all-consuming stress. These include the mental check-in/check-out, identifying natural start and stop points, defining “good enough,” and setting boundaries.

https://meddlers.com/resources/how-cope-never-ending-do-list

04/03/2023

Our initial thoughts about a situation create the frame for almost everything that comes after, and that’s why we want to leverage neuroplasticity to break and replace certain thought patterns. With every thought OR action, you reinforce the neural pathways in the brain, and the more you “travel” those same pathways, the more entrenched they become.

It’s so important to know that you can observe unwanted thoughts and respond to them differently, thus creating new neural pathways and weakening old ones. Imagine a trail that has gone unused. Over time, more and more leaves and debris cover it until you can barely see it. Eventually, nature takes back full control, and it’s like the path was never there.

Creating new neural pathways isn’t an overnight process, and it doesn’t work by flipping a switch in your brain. If you’re dealing with beliefs and thought patterns that have stuck with you for years or that exist as a result of traumatic events, this process can actually be very difficult, and I recommend seeing a therapist or licensed counselor. However, it’s important to know that you can observe unwanted thoughts and respond to them differently, thus creating new pathways and weakening the objectionable neural pathways. Then, each time you encounter a situation that triggers your belief, you can choose the new pathway. The more you travel by it, the stronger it will get. That’s the power of our brain’s neuroplasticity at work.

https://meddlers.com/resources/want-make-change-break-and-rebuild-specific-thought-patterns

03/28/2023

If you’ve taken the time to recharge and still notice that you’ve been experiencing mental weariness or are avoiding tackling difficult challenges, deep thinking, or hard conversations, you may be experiencing something deeper.

Ultimately, this kind of lethargy can become a crutch that relates to our desire for a simple solution in a world and time when nothing is ever simple. It causes us to slip into a mentality that defers to the path of least resistance. True excellence, however, comes from deep thought, concerted effort, clear choice, and a willingness to disrupt and/or reorganize. Remember, if you choose everything, you choose nothing.

If you’ve gathered evidence of mental laziness or weariness in your life, it’s time to strategize to refocus your energy. Be willing to experiment with how you spend your thoughts and consider your priorities. But act with urgency — if your house was on fire, you wouldn’t not have time to call 9-1-1. Assign a similar level of urgency to address and improve your wellness by actively recharging your mental batteries.

In the last two years, all of us have dealt with emotional overwhelm, whether it stemmed from the pandemic, financial concerns, the political climate, the actual climate, or some combination of these. Overwhelm breeds an unconscious (or conscious) need to unplug that can easily turn into a bit of me...