09/14/2021
"Martha: This is practically a Freudian notion of a kind of manic defense against death. It is not like formal mania. It’s not psychosis. It is an activated, grandiose invulnerability, and you see this a lot, even on an individual level. You see funerals that are a celebration of life, where you can just tell that everybody’s feeling their appreciation and the gratitude and their presence. And that they can still sort of hear the person’s voice in their ears. It is like the horror hasn’t hit them yet. They’re in an initial, almost ecstatic phase of grief where you’re just so relieved that you remember the person or that you’re alive, you had your toes curled on the dip so you didn’t fall in. There’s a kind of manic response that is activated and grandiose and inflated by massive, collective crisis.
Tressie: What many of us struggle to understand is how and why this manic response is so unchecked by logic or even motivated self-interest. Is there something about our Western mode of thinking or our collective belief in rugged individualism that makes us rush through the process of grief in these weird, counterproductive ways?
Martha: On this territory, there is no culture that is plugged into the radio, television or reads books that hasn’t been indoctrinated to believe in this kind of notion of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If you are living in a community that fosters a kind of humility and interdependency and mourning and sense of mortality, you’re doing that as a radical act against that individualistic way of thinking.
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That sense of community requires a lot of humility, precisely the thing I am afraid that the onslaught of Covid denial stories is robbing me of by undermining my empathy for others. Martha helped me with perspective. This is not a problem of individual moral certainty or persuasion. This is a social problem with big structural issues. That does not absolve me of my responsibility for seeing the humanity in people I vehemently disagree with, but it does make me feel less guilty about being unable to save them.
I still do not understand how we can be in community with people who, by withdrawing from their social responsibility, are actively harming others. But I do not think I have to understand it. I don’t think that I even have to be in community with Covid deniers. I have to somehow be in community with the people who are behaving in socially responsible ways without demonizing those who are not. Demonizing them turns my community into a reactionary force, which is precisely how the vaccines and masks became weaponized to begin with. It is a classic case of not becoming what you despise by losing focus on what you value. Still, I honked my horn at that little rally last week, and it was definitely not in solidarity with the anti-vaccine demonstrators. Baby steps." - Tressie McMillan Cottom (NYTimes, September 2021)
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We are all grieving. But some of us are rushing into a collective denial of death and loss.