03/21/2024
๐๐๐๐จ ๐ข๐๐ฎ ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ข๐ค๐จ๐ฉ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ค๐ง๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐ค๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐'๐ซ๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ฅ๐ง๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ง๐๐ฃ, ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฃ๐๐๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ ๐๐ฌ๐๐ง๐...๐ฅ๐ก๐๐๐จ๐ ๐ง๐๐๐! ๐
Child grooming is a direct precursor to child sexual abuse. Grooming occurs when a sexual predator develops a close, trusting relationship with the child โ and even their parents โ so that they can eventually engage in sexual activity with the child. The goal is to develop trust and an emotional bond so that both the parentโs and childโs inhibitions are lowered. That way, they can easily desensitize the child to various forms of sexual contact and sexual exploitation. Tragically, many child abuse cases begin this way. Understanding sexual grooming is crucial for protecting our children.
๐๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐ง?
Grooming can happen almost anywhere, but the following situations are most common:
- Online through social networking sites
- In person
- Schools
- The workplace
- Church
- Summer camps
Most of the time, sexual predators are not strangers. In fact, 93% of child sexual abuse victims knew their abuser according to the R**e, Abuse & In**st National Network (RAINN).
Ever since smartphones and computers have become an integral part of our lives, online child grooming has become incredibly common. In fact, online grooming is most common among victims between the ages of 13 and 17 (99% of grooming cases). Meanwhile, 48% of online grooming cases occur within the ages of 13 to 14. Most of these victims are young girls.
Children are very naive and naturally trusting in almost any situation. But this naivety and trust is even more dangerous in a virtual setting because the child may think theyโre talking to someone else their age, when really, theyโre talking to a middle-aged man. The predator may gain enough of the childโs trust to schedule an in-person meeting, which is usually when the sexual abuse occurs.
๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ญ๐๐ ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ?
Child groomers follow a specific formula in order to eventually engage in sexual contact with the child. Listed below are the main stages of the grooming process:
๐๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ: First, the predator will choose their victim by watching them for a period of weeks or months. A predator may choose a victim based on how easy it is to see them or talk to them, how naive they are, or how often their parents are around.
๐๐๐ข๐ง ๐๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ: Then the predator will gain access to the victim through some kind of casual encounter. They will seem kind, warm, welcoming, and trustworthy so that the child (and/or their parents) will lower their guard around them.
๐๐๐ข๐ง ๐๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ: Next, the predator will make it their top priority to gain the victimโs trust. Many times, this means gaining the trust of the childโs parents as well. They may do this by giving the child gifts, constantly praising the child, and spending lots of time with the child.
๐๐ฌ๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐: Once the predator develops a close relationship with the child, they will slowly begin to isolate them from their family and friends. Predators isolate children so that they will feel like this person is their best friend, and they can trust and go to them for anything.
๐๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ณ๐ ๐๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐๐๐ญ: Next, the predator will slowly introduce physical touch and sexual activities to the child. It may begin with hugging, tickling, wrestling, and even hand holding. Then the predator may show the child sexual material, such as p**n or sexual photos. Once the child is fairly desensitized to all these things, the predator may move on to sexual in*******se, molestation, and more.
๐๐๐ข๐ง๐ญ๐๐ข๐ง ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐๐ซ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ฅ: By the last stage of grooming, the loving relationship that the child once felt with the predator is largely gone. Thatโs because the predatorโs main goal is to keep control and power over the child for as long as possible. They may resort to lies, threats, and even violence to keep engaging in sexual activity with the child.
๐๐จ๐ฐ ๐ ๐๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ ๐๐ซ๐๐๐๐ญ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐ญ๐ฌ ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐๐ง
When most parents hear of child grooming, they immediately resort to shaming the parents for ever allowing the predator to become so close to the child to begin with. But what they donโt understand is that the predator starts off with very innocent tactics to target children. They may start with the common behaviors listed below, and then slowly move up to sexual exploitation.
- The predator will be on the lookout for a child of their preferred age and gender.
- The predator first takes a special interest in the child and/or their family.
- As they get to know the child and their family better, they will look for opportunities for alone time.
- The predator becomes increasingly involved in the childโs life. They may volunteer at school or church functions, they may offer to take the child to their sports games or music lessons, and they may even offer to tutor a school subject that theyโre struggling in.
- The predator is also very friendly and involved with the family, but during family functions and activities, the predator will take special interest in emotionally bonding with the child.
- The predator may frequently buy the child toys and treats.
- Lastly, the predator will stay in contact with the whole family, but with the sole purpose of maintaining access and control over the child.
๐๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฅ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ซ๐๐ง?
Warning signs of child grooming are as follows:
- Walking in on a child while theyโre changing clothes, using the bathroom, or showering, but framing it as an accident, especially to the parents.
- Asking a child to come to the bathroom with them.
- Offering to help a child bathe or change their clothes.
- Planning or engaging in activities that require very little clothing, such as swimming.
- Frequent โinnocentโ touch between the child and the predator, such as hugging, -
hand holding, tickling, putting a hand on their lower back while they walk by, etc.
- Playing, tickling, or wrestling with very little clothing on.
- Showing sexual images or p**n to the child.
- Telling sexual jokes to the child.
Teaching the child about sexual topics and framing it as pure education.
Taking pictures of the child in their bathing suit or when the child has very little clothing on in general.
If you suspect a child has been or is in the process of being groomed, please notify your local law enforcement agency immediately. If this is occurring in Chatham, please notify us immediately. We can be reached at (217)483-2453.