05/14/2024
My head is a mess. I feel so unwanted. Unloved. Unappreciated. I’m no one’s favorite. I’m no one’s number one. I’m not someone worth fighting for and everyone in my life has proved that. No one post me on their social media platforms to brag about me. No one sends me long messages telling me how much I mean to them or how much they love me and appreciate me. No one chooses me. No one protects me and my feelings. I’ve always had to take care of myself and my mental and everybody else around me, I’ve always had to protect every body else’s feelings around me. I feel like such the odd one out in my friend groups and my family. No one chooses to come see me. No one just randomly calls or text me to tell me they love me or appreciate me or to tell me they are proud of me. Everyone just replaces me or my title in their lives. No one puts me first or stands up for me. I’m always bending over back wards for everything and everybody with out expecting anything in return and I just get taken advantage of. I never get anything in return. I just for once want to mean the whole world to somebody. I want someone to be scared to lose me. I want someone to protect my feelings. I want someone to take pictures of me and post them. I want to be heard and seen. I want to be important to somebody. This last month I have felt so defeated and unwanted and unloved by everyone around me. My depression is so much worse than it was. My anxiety is past fixable. I can’t bring myself to eat anything anymore. I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed anymore. I just wish there was someone who cared enough. I just need someone to show me life is worth it. Every few mins I look at my phone, and then I look around my room then I feel it Everytime. Over and over again. All day and night. I do know that someone will come by or contact me eventually. The hurtful part is that the eventually will only be when that person needs something from me. When that time comes, will anybody notice that I'm no longer here? That's the big question is will anybody actually notice? The answer is clear. Never.