01/21/2023
Dear Wise Women,
Let me tell you why it is important to tell your narrative as you try to overcome loss. Bear with me because I want to use this metaphor. 😉
We have a good friend here in Vermont who is nearing 75 and he continues to practice the art of deconstructing and reconstructing old farmhouses. He has been a visual artist his whole life and maybe five decades ago started buying land with farmhouses and slowly, steadily he studies the structure, then takes it apart timber by timber and puts it back together in a way that highlights its former beauty but then enhances and amplifies all other aspects that might be considered moving on from the past. This includes greater r-factors, tighter windows, securing weak floors, perhaps adding more bathrooms and much more.
Peter’s houses take years to reconstruct and he never changes the intention of the house but gives it new life, new beauty that borders on the elegance it was meant to have.
Why am I telling you about Peter’s work?
I wanted to share this as a way to talk with you about deconstructing your life. This is critical if you feel stuck after loss.
This can be the loss of a life partner, a child, a grandchild, a pet, a house maybe you lost in foreclosure after you lost a job or you lost your financial stability.
There are many losses we could face as we age and it takes a strong person to overcome and rebound and feel like she can reconstruct her life again.
Just as Peter studies each house, evaluates its weaknesses, sagging beams, broken trusses, I invite you to begin to study your life. I have discussed this in previous newsletters but it is a valuable tool as you begin to try to move forward.
Often I see clients who are stuck in the same story: the person they counted on to be in their life forever has died. Now they replay those memories and final moments like a merry-go-round of misery. These clients often try therapy and grief groups only to return home to the same sagging, broken feelings they took to the therapy to begin with.
I am a counselor and a life coach and I began to study this issue closely during the pandemic. I was a full-time professor and found my joy was not just in teaching students course content but to witness how students could change their lives with a course of ACTION. One course after another and slowly and steadily they had their degree and often a new job and new enthusiasm in life.
I took my many years in teaching, took my counseling skills, studied for my coaching credential and put this together in the program I call Wise Women Warriors. It is a blend of counseling, coaching and educational value. It is a way to deconstruct your life then reconstruct it with meaning and purpose.
Wise Women Warriors is a virtual, do from anywhere program off your computer or phone. You meet virtually with me and you have the option to meet with the group of Wise Women Warriors both who are in the program and those who finished. They support each other but indeed, you will be the one who supports yourself in moving on. You show up and do the work in this program, come to meetings and in 10 – 16 weeks you will understand how your life can move on. It will take work to reconstruct your life. You write, you journal, you visualize. You will take apart those memories, some good stuff, some awful stuff and some memories that you forgot about and hid away.
Just like the bones of a good strong house stay in place after reconstruction, your foundation will stay the same but you will begin to throw out the unnecessary junk in the attic.
--All those limiting beliefs from childhood or from abusive relationships that took you too long to get out of.
--All those self-sabotaging behaviors that cause you to repeat and repeat the patterns of misery in your life.
--All those “friends” who burden you with guilt or negative energy that you cannot set boundaries with.
--All those feelings of remorse because you forgot to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you” or simply “good-bye”.
--All those times when you shut up and did not speak, felt immobilzed and small in your life and could not communicate what your heart was telling you.
Let’s just ditch that old house.
Let’s deconstruct the timbers. Let’s rip apart the sheetrock. Let’s get a dumpster big enough for this whole project!
Are you ready?
What is stopping you from contacting me and signing up?
Are you afraid to trust me? I understand that so we take it slow and easy.
Afraid what life might have in store for you if you do find new meaning and purpose? You will feel different but it is a slow and intentional change. I do not expect you to free-fall off a cliff.
Are you afraid of walking out of the old house and into the new, unfamiliar, sensibly styled and reconstructed new cape cod farmhouse on the land you never thought you could own? Well, I say…walk away from the grief. You are not going to forget what or who you lost. The memory and the person is there but the loss will no longer define who you are as the grief has begun to do.
Deconstruction is an important process. Peter takes such pride in his old farmhouses he studied and renovated. None of them are hurried. None of them are cheaply styled.
They all stand with integrity.
That is what I want for all my clients. To feel a life filled with integrity, meaning and purpose.
Join me on the construction site? I will bring the tools. You bring the willingness to learn the trade.
kumari patricia. 💓
Contact Kumari for private sessions or to learn more about her Wise Women Warrior Program, a self-paced virtual program that supports women in overcoming grief and creating a plan for moving on. The Warrior Program includes one to one sessions and group sessions with other women.
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802-505-0574 (TEXTS ARE FINE!)
Life Coach,Yogi,Artist, andHealing Arts Consultant What would your life look like if you could move forward after suffering a loss and you created your life filled with intention, purpose and meaning? Many people think grief heals with time. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. It takes pr...
