06/16/2026
# Why I Coach the Way I Do: My Own Journey to Healing
People often ask me why I coach the way I do—why I focus so much on identity, healing from the inside out, and taking personal responsibility instead of simply trying to change circumstances.
The answer is simple.
Because that's exactly how God healed me.
Before Christ rescued me out of paganism and witchcraft, my life was marked by trauma, abuse, and broken relationships. I carried years of shame, bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness. I had built walls so high around my heart that no one could truly get close.
I thought those walls were protecting me.
In reality, they were imprisoning me.
I also thought I understood love.
But looking back, what I called love was actually survival.
I couldn't allow myself to be vulnerable because vulnerability felt dangerous. I couldn't truly trust because trust had been broken too many times. My relationships were temporary, transactional, and built on self-preservation rather than genuine connection.
Everything I believed about love had been filtered through pain.
Then something happened that changed everything.
Early in my conversion, I found myself repeatedly reading the Lord's Prayer. Around that same time, I watched a film depicting Christ's crucifixion and resurrection. That night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about what He endured.
The crown of thorns pressed into His head.
The cat of nine tails tearing across His back.
The mocking.
The spitting.
The nails driven through His hands and feet.
The spear thrust into His side.
And yet... He forgave.
As I reflected on His suffering and His mercy, something deep inside me broke.
I began crying out to God, confessing every sin and failure I could remember, reaching as far back into my past as my memory would allow.
But instead of relief, I found myself overwhelmed with another realization.
How could I ask Him to forgive me if I was unwilling to forgive others?
How could I receive mercy while refusing to extend it?
And perhaps even harder...
How could I accept His forgiveness if I couldn't forgive myself?
That was the moment everything shifted.
That was where true healing began.
Not because my circumstances changed.
Not because everyone who had hurt me apologized.
Not because justice was served.
Healing began because something changed inside of me.
The guilt.
The shame.
The bitterness.
The anger.
The pain I had carried for years.
I surrendered it all.
And then came the harder part.
I had to have difficult conversations.
I had to acknowledge the ways I had hurt others.
I had to say, "I'm sorry."
I had to take responsibility for my own choices instead of only focusing on what had been done to me.
That wasn't weakness.
It was freedom.
The Holy Spirit began leading me into the uncomfortable work of examining my own heart, confronting my own beliefs, and allowing God to transform me from the inside out.
I've learned that many people believe healing will come when circumstances improve.
"If only they would change..."
"If only my past had been different..."
"If only I could get away from this situation..."
But healing doesn't begin when everyone else changes.
It begins when we become willing to let God change us.
We cannot control other people.
We cannot rewrite the past.
We cannot always control our circumstances.
But we can choose how we respond.
We can choose whether bitterness or forgiveness will define us.
We can choose whether shame or truth will shape our identity.
We can choose whether to keep blaming or begin healing.
Ironically, when we do the internal work, the external often changes as well.
Sometimes relationships are restored.
Sometimes boundaries become healthier.
Sometimes cycles that have existed for generations finally break.
Not because we forced others to change—but because we stopped allowing our wounds to dictate our responses.
That's why I coach the way I do.
Because I know firsthand that transformation doesn't start with changing your environment.
It starts with changing your foundation.
It starts with identity.
It starts with surrender.
It starts with having the courage to let God reveal the lies you've believed and replace them with His truth.
Real healing isn't pretending the past never happened.
It's refusing to let the past continue to determine who you are today.
The greatest prison I ever lived in wasn't created by other people.
It was built by the beliefs I carried within me.
And the greatest freedom I have ever experienced came when Christ didn't just rescue me from my past—He transformed how I saw myself, how I saw others, and how I understood love.
That's the healing I want others to experience.
Not temporary relief.
But lasting transformation from the inside out.
