Quinn Otrera Coaching

10/15/2021

08/24/2021

Coaching with was the most transformational experience of my life. The person who walked into this adventure 5 months ago is not the woman coming out the other side.

I knew it would cost time and money but what it actually cost me was my frantic obsession with holding on; he taught me to let go.

Let go of shame.
Let go of judgement.
Let go of beliefs that don’t serve me.
Let go of caring what others think.
Let go of future-tripping.
Let go of struggle.
Let go
Let go
Let go

And show the f*ck up for myself.

Thank you Alexander. 💕

04/29/2021

I dropped out of college at age 20 and immediately had an identity crisis.

In high school, I had to choose between athletics and competitive public speaking.
(The competition's times and dates conflicted so that I couldn’t do both.)

I chose to speak.

It became who I was.
It was how I paid for college.
It was how I spent my time.

Most significantly, it was how I defined myself.

When I dropped out of college, I felt lost.

I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t a nationally ranked collegiate debater.

I was forced to let go of a national ranking.
I was forced to let go of college competitions.
I was forced to let go of “being” a debater.

In that letting go, I discovered new aspects of myself.

I discovered I loved traveling, just not in 15-passenger college vans.
I discovered that I was an excellent corporate trainer.
I discovered empathy won over clients more than any well-crafted debate argument.

I let go, but I was able to keep the foundations of who I was intact:

an adventurer,
a speaker,
a friend.

Rethinking who we are and what we want in life can be one of the most potent and rewarding exercises we can do.

Ready? Let’s chat.

04/28/2021

“The apartment is the same as my boyfriend!”

My client had been searching for an apartment in Versailles, France. Preferably one with a garden; something she and her three children would love.

She found it, and then she lost it.
The owner hadn’t been honest with her.
She was sad, confused, and felt lost.

Just a few months ago, her boyfriend, whom she deeply loved, left her.
He hadn’t been honest with her.
She was sad, confused, and felt lost.

Each time I coach her, we seem to come back to this situation with her ex.

Why is that?

Because she’s been avoiding the feelings of sadness, confusion, loss, and ultimately, grief that have to be processed before she can move on.

Until then, she’ll tend to keep finding herself in situations that will create the opportunity for those feelings to come to the surface.

Again.
And again.
And again.

She couldn’t see the pattern because she was living it.

That’s why having a coach, a neutral person outside of your brain is so valuable.

Learning how to end these emotional loops and move forward is what I help my clients do every day.

If you are tired of living on repeat, let’s chat.

04/08/2021

1st dose is done!

04/05/2021

I'm buying my first home.⁠⁠
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I thought I was doing all the right things:⁠⁠
Contact my realtor and tell her what I want. ⁠⁠
Contact mortgage broker and get the ball rolling. ⁠⁠
Go see home after home after home. ⁠⁠
Narrow it down to my top 3 picks. ⁠⁠
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And then . . . call one of my sisters to look at the homes with me online so I can talk through my decision with an objective third party. ⁠⁠
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It wasn't until she looked at my options, my reasons, and my thoughts that I discovered I was shopping for a future nightmare. ⁠⁠
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I had picked three homes that all had something kind of funky going on. (Add-ons that didn't make sense, weird floor plans, or the one with the mystery business across the street.)⁠⁠
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They were also old (1960s-70s), so there were sure to be issues that would come up. ⁠⁠
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But they were in the location that would make it easy for my kids to stay in their schools, and we would be close to Costco. (That's important!)⁠⁠
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Instead of agreeing with me or helping me choose between those three homes, she gave me a new vision. ⁠⁠
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"Amy," she said, "What I see for you is a newer home in a safer neighborhood. A place where there are families with children. A place where you will meet people in the same stage of life so you'll make friends and have people who can help and support you as a single mom."⁠⁠
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Until she shared her vision with me, it hadn't crossed my mind. ⁠⁠
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(Continued in comments.)⁠⁠
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04/05/2021

I'm buying my first home.

I thought I was doing all the right things:
Contact my realtor and tell her what I want.
Contact mortgage broker and get the ball rolling.
Go see home after home after home.
Narrow it down to my top 3 picks.

And then . . . call one of my sisters to look at the homes with me online so I can talk through my decision with an objective third party.

It wasn't until she looked at my options, my reasons, and my thoughts that I discovered I was shopping for a future nightmare.

I had picked three homes that all had something kind of funky going on. (Add-ons that didn't make sense, weird floor plans, or the one with the mystery business across the street.)

They were also old (1960s-70s), so there were sure to be issues that would come up.

But they were in the location that would make it easy for my kids to stay in their schools, and we would be close to Costco. (That's important!)

Instead of agreeing with me or helping me choose between those three homes, she gave me a new vision.

"Amy," she said, "What I see for you is a newer home in a safer neighborhood. A place where there are families with children. A place where you will meet people in the same stage of life so you'll make friends and have people who can help and support you as a single mom."

Until she shared her vision with me, it hadn't crossed my mind.

Of course, I wanted a safe neighborhood with kids and families, but I was so busy looking for a certain number of bedrooms and baths in a specific location that I missed the bigger picture.

That day I called my realtor, pivoted our search with a new vision, and made an offer on what will become my home in just a few weeks.

Even when we are doing all the "right" things, we may be after something all wrong without someone who can question our thoughts and share a new vision.

That's what I do for my clients.

Are you ready for a new vision? Let's chat.

03/25/2021

I'm taking my kids to stay with their new stepmom for the first time this weekend.

I've been talking to my kids about it all week.

"This is going to be so fun."
"She's going to adore you."
"It will be so much better than when it was just your dad."

This morning my 6yo told me that her stomach hurts and she's scared about this weekend. She didn't have the words to say what exactly she's afraid of, just that she is.

So, I tried to fix it.

I asked if she wanted to send a video to her stepmom.

She did.

But when I sent it, I received a message from stepmom saying that while she appreciates my efforts, she wants her communication with my children to be in person with them or through their dad.

That's when I saw what was happening in my brain.

I'm scared that my kids are scared.
I want them not to be scared so that I won't be scared.
But I have no power to MAKE them not feel scared.
AND I want so badly for them not to feel scared.

No video to stepmom will make them feel safe.
No positive statements from me will make them feel safe.
No amount of narrative about how great it will be will make them feel safe.

It’s their thoughts that will make them feel safe and I don’t get to control those.

Kids don't get to feel safe all the time.

None of us do.

And that's ok.

My kids can feel scared and still have a great weekend.
My kids can feel scared and have a terrible weekend.
My kids get to feel scared.

And so do I.

Ready to feel scared and take action anyway? Let's chat.

03/24/2021

"If she hadn't lied about testing positive for COVID, everything would have been different!"

My client, now suffering from COVID herself, was angry at her sister, who had told everyone that she had tested negative so that she could go forward with plans to host a party.

This meant that my client didn't get tested for several days, sent her children to school, and went on a date.

She was angry.

She wanted to confront her sister.

But first, she reached out to me to take a look at her brain.

My client tends to people-please and keeps the peace, so the fact that she wanted to reach out and talk to her sister was significant.

But, confronting someone in hopes of making THEM feel something (guilt, sorrow, regret) is a recipe for disappointment.

You only get to control how YOU feel.

In the end, my client decided to have the conversation because "I value my relationship with her enough to talk to her about this."

She also wanted to show up for herself. She wanted to show herself that she was taking care of herself and having hard conversations no matter how her sister reacted.

Ready to be brave? Shoot me a message, and let's set up a time for me to look at your brain.

03/23/2021

"I both hate and love my dad so much. I feel like I'm going crazy."

My client has had a very complicated relationship with her father.

Most of us have at least one "complicated" relationship, if not more.

Those are the relationships where we have mixed emotions like love and hate, attraction and disgust, or jealousy and admiration.

Sometimes our brains tell us we should either love or hate, but indeed not both.

But why not?

Why not have all the emotions?

Why not embrace the idea that sometimes love wins and sometimes another emotion wins.

I help my clients feel everything:

All the goodness of love as well as all the discomfort of those other emotions.

Knowing that you can embrace every emotion makes your life so rich and deep that once you get a taste of it, you'll never go back to monotone love again.