11/21/2017
Introduction to Stress Is An Option, Not a Requirement
by Geoff Piper - Kindle Book
I was stressed.
In recent weeks, I had been divorced, moved to a new apartment and changed jobs. I was out of work for weeks and only a little cash to keep me going. My new job was with a very large state bureaucracy that took “up to 8 weeks” to get a new hire on the payroll. By the 6th week, I was out of money. I was counting out a jarful of pocket change to buy milk. My thoughts were dark, bordering on panic. I figured I’d make it – but I didn’t like being so tapped out. Knowing there was money in the pipeline only added to the frustration. It was coming but I needed it now and had no access to it. The more I thought, the more I stressed.
I caught myself in the middle of a thought. “As soon as the money comes…” Rather than finish the thought, I thought about the thought. “As soon as the money comes…” What? Then I’ll be OK? Secure? Happy? That is where my thinking had been headed. My new line of thinking went further – and then what? For the rest of my life, as long as I have enough money, or I’m free of any kind of distressing circumstance, then I can feel good again. But the next time I run short of money, get hurt emotionally, get sick, face changes I’m not ready for – whatever! – then will I be back where I am now? Stressed, on the verge of panic? If I continued to think the way I had been, I knew I was doomed to a life at the mercy of my circumstances, of events over which I had no control.
My mind moved to another line of thought. If I could figure out how to be OK in this situation, then when things got better, I’d still be fine. And I’d know that my happiness didn’t depend on what was going on around me. That scenario was much more attractive to me. And just thinking it made it so. I was immediately at peace as I took my handful of change to the store to buy some milk. I was, in fact, OK in this circumstance and I was confident I would never again be in this kind of externally-imposed low mood.
Ever since that day, my life has been relatively stress-free. I’ve had some additional challenging circumstances – life-threatening illness, further moves and job changes, relationship break-ups, the death of my brother. I won’t pretend that I felt no pain or stress as these things occurred. What I want you to know is that I’ve stayed connected to that inner wisdom that knows my well-being depends on what I can do something about – my own thinking about myself and my circumstances. I’m not dependent on “things” getting better before I can get better. I can be OK even when “things” are not OK. I know how to return to my best condition regardless of what happens to me or around me.
I’ve long believed some things can be taught and some things can only be learned. Some things that are taught and the knowledge is absorbed, but it only becomes useful when the truth is learned through experience. I was in a graduate program in counseling at the time of the events I just described. I’d gone back to school at age 50 and was learning far more than they were teaching me. I had come across a reference to "the happiness literature" - a notion that tickled me - and followed a trail of research to the area of positive psychology, which appealed to my temperament, and beyond that to what are now called the Three Principles of Thought, Mind and Consciousness, brought to awareness in our time by Sydney Banks. I was greatly attracted to this outlook and read everything I could about it. This experience I described above was my time of learning what I had been taught through my research. The Three Principles emerged for me in that moment when I stepped back to consider my thinking to produce a profound change in my self-understanding and my understanding of how life works.
Since that time, I’ve counseled and taught in a program for homeless people, many of whom were also trying to overcome chemical dependency. I’ve worked with children and teenagers with serious mental health and behavior problems and their families. For the past few years, I’ve been working as a grief counselor and a marriage and family therapist. So you know I see people in some of the worst circumstances a person can endure.
As I’ve lived this way and shared it with others through counseling, teaching, writing and personal sharing, I’ve seen many people go through an equally transforming process. In this book, I’ve put down some thoughts that I hope might help you deal with stress in your life. Every time I say the title people smile. The idea that stress may not be an inescapable oppressor is appealing!
