06/15/2026
Contriversial post: I’m sick of normalizing public nakedness. Stop wearing thong bikinis to splash pads.
If you wouldn't wear it to Sunday dinner at Grandma's, my kids probably don't need to see it at the splash pad.
I'm so tired of pretending that family waterparks and children's splash pads are the appropriate place to air out your entire backside.
Before anyone starts:
"It's just a butt!"
Cool. Then keep it to yourself.
"It's not sexual unless you make it sexual!"
Okay, but if your swimsuit is one sneeze away from becoming a police report, maybe we've wandered a little too far from "swimwear."
I know this is shocking, but there used to be a magical middle ground between a full-body wetsuit and floss with shoulder straps.
And yes, kids notice. Kids notice EVERYTHING.
"Mom, why is that lady's bathing suit eating her butt?"
Excellent question, Timmy. I'd also like to know.
We're constantly teaching kids about privacy, boundaries, and keeping certain body parts covered in public. Then we're expected to explain why grown adults are walking around a children's splash pad looking like they lost a bet.
Nobody is asking for 1920s bathing dresses. Just maybe wear something that covers more fabric than a potholder.
If your swimsuit has less material than the bow on a birthday present, it's not a swimsuit anymore—it's a suggestion.
Family waterparks are for lazy rivers, overpriced fries, and hearing "watch this!" 47 times in a row. They are not butt-cheek appreciation festivals.
If that makes me old-fashioned, so be it. I'll be over here enjoying my day without having to dodge random cheeks like it's an obstacle course.
Cover your butt. Literally. 🤷🏻♀️
