03/26/2025
In business, intangible factors can be as important as facts and figures. In the midst of a negotiation, do you trust the person sitting across from you? If you have an uneasy feeling about the other side, don’t ignore it. That feeling is coming at you…
By Another Door
“Some answers come not by thinking, but by feeling."
— J. R. StJohn
So you've come a long way, spent the night in the hotel across the street, put on your serious suit and the good tie. Walked with your team in a caravan with your computers, gear and handouts. Hung your coats, laid out the materials and organized the table. And so the last step in doing a deal begins...
Midway through the meeting, it's going well, and the discussion flows easily, but a feeling comes to you: "These guys are crooks. They are ‘thieves in expensive clothes’, sitting there, considering how to take advantage of us... They're just waiting for us to show our stuff so they can steal it."
It's not really an intellectual perception, is it? Your colleagues will question your reasoning. There's a lot of money on the table after all. But you can't shake the sense that these people are not up to any good, and they mean to do you harm. There's profit in the short term here, but your gut tells you that you'll regret the day you ever did this deal.
Two courses:
Go ahead and follow the money — see how it works out. No telling for sure. Maybe you're mistaken, or maybe you're right. The numbers look good.
But it might explode.
Or
Politely rise and follow your muse right out the door. Take the immediate loss and replace the revenue. You might have been wrong, but you'll learn; and you'll sleep better.
This is the proverbial "Tough Call." There's no absolute "Right Answer." The fact is, not everybody respects mere feelings. They don't register on the balance sheet. And there's the challenge of explaining your decision to the rest of the team. But if you're the one charged with the decision, only part of the call is quantitative. Sometimes the information you need comes in through another door. If you were to register all the components of such a decision on a chart, it might look like this: (Start from the Bottom up...)
* All the rest, and You All Like Each Other.
* A Good, Long-Term Deal + People You Trust + You All Like the Deal.
* A Good, Long-Term Deal with People you Trust.
* A Good Long-Term Deal.
* A Good Deal.
* A Deal.
The challenge is that not everything that matters can be counted or registered on a balance sheet. Ultimately, the best deal is with someone you respect, trust, and like. So, holding out for the right feeling in a deal is going one step further in the right direction. It's an intangible, but intangibles count everywhere else. Why not in business too?
It's difficult, because stuff that can be seen, noticed and measured work easily into the equation. You know, they compute. But, what if the most important component of a relationship can't be computed, analyzed, or read from a ledger?
Trust, responsibility, commitment. Sooner or later, you're going to get around to saying: "I have a feeling these people are trustworthy..." Or, not.
It's a Feeling. Bane of Balance Sheets and Matrix Analyses...
At some point, you say, "He's right. He's trustworthy and He's got the resources." Only two of those can be reached through analysis. But these are the people with whom you choose to play!
Applications:
1. Individually:
Respect and Affinity go well together. Try to work not only with skilled people, with those you enjoy and like... It's a bonus beyond price.
2. At Home:
It's usually when we're young that we learn the lesson: "Lots of popular people are not worth knowing. Oh, and trying to be liked is social su***de." But once we learn to select for measurable skills and talents, we have the luxury of holding out for the pleasure of simple likability in our associates and friends. Nothing wrong in holding out for everything... As a parent, you have your work cut out for you when explaining this to the kids, but that's the job...
3. At Work:
Add a place in your matrix for "Affinity." When attempting to answer the "Who are these guys?" question, you surely want talent, profit and reputation, but likability will lubricate the day-to-day workflow and pay a long-term benefit.
Then there's trust...
We often serve our visitors breakfast. We learn a lot about them at the table. If they're stiff as a board, that tells us a lot. If they won't play, that says something too. The "feeling" you get from an informal connection has a significant place in our analysis of potential relationships. Re-think your matrix and create an extra cell for the intangibles...
There's a thief sitting across the conference table — you know it; and you don't have to prove it. So, in the nicest possible way, send the bastards packing!
It weighs something of course, but holding out for a deal you like with people you like is just sound business.
And good business is welcome through any door!
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