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Matthew chikondi honde, Blue Valley (2026)

18/02/2026

OFFICER:- What is your name?
Monday:- M.P. sir
OFFICER:- In full please
Monday:- Monday Paul
OFFICER:- Your father's name?
Monday:- M.P. sir
OFFICER:- What does that mean?
Monday:- Matthias Paul
OFFICER:- Your natíve place?
Monday : M.P. sir
OFFICER:- What's that?
Monday:- Malvin Province
OFFICER:- What is your qualification?
Monday:- M.P.
OFFICER:- (ângry) What is that?!!!
Monday:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?
Monday:- It is because of M.P. sir
OFFICER: Meaning?
Monday:- Môney Prøblems
OFFICER:- Would you explaín yourself and stop wāsting my time? What's your personality líke?
Monday: MP sir.
OFFICER: And what is that?
Monday:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
Monday:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?
OFFICER:- And what's that again?
Monday:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.
Monday:- Meaning?
OFFICER:- M£nt@l Prøblem!!!

Don't laugh alone.🤣😂😂
Shåre this to M.P. (Many People) to put smile on their faces.
I have post this to you because you are M.P. (My people)

Please follow me honde

14/11/2025

Good men always Iose in relationships ,

Always remember this fellas
🗣 Kaka: “I did everything I could to save my marriage, but there's something I learned: you can't f0rce someone to stay with you if they've already decided to leave.

“In 2015, my wife told me she didn't want to be married anymore. I cIung to the idea of fyghting, of showing her we could get back what we had. I read a book that proposed a 40-day challenge to win back your partner; I did it twice. Gifts, letters, unexpected surprises… but in the end, she just kept repeating, 'I don't want it anymore.'

“It was a brutaI blow. As a Christian, divorce wasn't in my plans. The Bible says marriage is forever, but what do you do when the other person no longer wants to continue? I f0ught until the end, until I understood something key: love can't be f0rced. Love is a daily choice. And if someone stops choosing, you have to learn to let go.”

17/06/2025

5 things single mothers keep hidden from men.
1. A single mother does not love you and never will.
2. A single mother is still in love with her baby daddy and will give him free access to her kitty.
3. A single mother wants your money, not you.
4. A single mother is a pathological liar.
5. A single mother is an unfaithful, ungrateful, disloyal and treacherous bastard.
Avoid Single Mothers.

11/06/2025

MEN MARRY THE RIGHT WOMEN (WIVES)

Every man feel like a king when he marry the right woman.
As a woman Respect your husband, he is the head of the family, even if you are older than him, or richer than him, so long he is your husband respect him..
Take care of your husband both physical and Emotional, never ignore your duties as a wife, give him good food and S$X.
He is your husband don't always say no because of one reason or the other, bring out the king in him because In every man there's a king in them. Make him Lord over your life, adore, respect, appreciate, admire, support and always pray for him. Be obedient and submissive to him, so that both of you will live longer in good health for your children.

22/12/2024

My boss thinks I'm stupid. He sent me to buy 2kg of sugar yesterday but i found only 1kgs at the shop so I didn't buy. When I came back he was pi**ed off saying I should have used my brain and buy two 1kgs to make 2kg of sugar. I kept quiet, today he sent me to buy size 6 of shoes and there was no size 6 but only size 3. So this time I used my brain and bought 2 pair's of size 3 shoes to make size 6. He told me to wait outside the office I saw him writing I think it's a promotion letter who knows!!
By Matthew

18/11/2024

DO NOT DO THIS DURING SEX...🍆💦🔥

1. Looking at time when you are having s*x gives the other an impression that you are wasting their time!

2. Acting annoyed when the other partner takes long to get an or**sm. Instead help them to reach there if you already have.

3. Having an or**sm first, then not bothering if your partner should have an or**sm or not. That is pure selfishness do something to make them reach there too!

4. Sneezing or coughing on partners face. If you must, look aside no need to splash someone with your saliva!

5. Making reference to a technique an ex used to do great to you, that is unhealthy comparison and will ruin that moment. IF you feel someone is not giving you well as you wish, address them not making references.

6. Faking that you are enjoying s*x, making all dramatic movements, dramatic moans etc. until someone can just tell you are faking.

7. Being too silent until someone feels like he is a mortician. At least make some sound when it feels good.

8. Being a passive participant and expecting your partner to do everything to you. Makes someone feel like a doctor operating a half dead patient!

9. Making disapproval faces when not satisfied. You better say it since your partner is not a psychic.

10. Not telling your partner you wish to try something new, then going on to try something so strange in bed. Nothing irritates someone than feeling like an experiment. Seek approval beforehand.

11. Calling out the wrong name when the pleasure is at the peak. That is a total deal breaker.

12. Not kissing. Kissing is so intimate to be ignored.

13. Pushing someone’s head towards your s*xual organs in order to request for oral s*x. Oral s*x is a sensitive matter and if someone is not feeling like it, do not force them.

14. Rushing through foreplay, this is totally wrong. Heat up the moment to enjoy more.
Love Life Matters

04/10/2024

Nowadays S*x or Food Doesn’t Keep a Man Anymore. If a man needs food or s*x, he can get anywhere at any time.
Ladies! Inner Peace Does.
Men Go through a Lot Too. Untold betrayals, pain and hardships to make things work out.
They Act Strong Outside But Inside they are dying slowly.
They Just Want To Tell It All. Don’t Become Another Fight He Has To Try To Win. Be His Peace.

When a woman commits to love you, the best thing you can do is to be faithful and loyal to her.
Women are gifts that always multiply whatever you give them.
You give them a house 🏠 they give you a home

You give them seeds they give you children.
You mess them they bring the house down and you become useless.
Bottom line.
Honor that person in your life.
& h logistics
Don't urge with me am tired 😂

01/10/2024

AVOID THESE SE**XUAL MISTAKES WOMEN

1. TO BE SILENT

Don't be a mute wife in bed.
Freely express urself. You will achieve this when you are not shy.Dont just lay on the bed like a dead log of wood,it makes him think he is not digging deep.

Talk di**rty and moan it will aid him to pump well it will also make you reach or**sm (that moment when he go be like say the tin climb your head)

Talk dirty like (baby hit it harder
it also all yours babe
❤️Am feeling it
❤️Oh my gosh
❤️I love dis)

2. SHYNESS

Most women are just to shy to the extent of finding it difficult to undress in front of their hubby.

They will only like to make love at night without light.
Some women have not seen the size of their hubby's di**ck They only feel it..Hubby will bring out his dick and a wife will shout😱😱"please cover than thing, My sister wake up, because it's YOURS.

Praise that thing🙌 (baby this your machine chai🙊)
Let him know he is doing a good job, It makes men feel good😎

Give him breast to suck when he is reading newspaper or pressing phone

Open his boxer unexpectedly and touch your boy
Grab his but**tocks unexpectedly and run away.
Use your leg to enter his boxer while watching TV, it makes men feel good

3. NO ATTEMPT TO INITIATE SE**X

Why is it that most woman always ask hubby for money but finds it difficult to ask for this sweet tin called SE**X.
Tell your man that u wanna ride him tonight or u need to be screwed.

You can have a coded slang 4 it..Grab his di**ck and whisper to him like, Oh sweet I want you inside me"...

You want your man to lick your plate 4 you but you can't keep it clean it's an ERROR A BIG SLAP TO WOMANHOOD.

Your Vag**ina has a special scent that a man can scent and the eyes of his di**ck will open and start crying. But when he enters there and perceive scent he will never lick again😔

Your hubby can fu**ck youu with tongue if that place is neat
Keep that your place very neat and clean. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Enjoy your weekend
゚

24/09/2024

Dear women,
Sometimes, during s*x, instead of dirty talks alone, speak positively into your man's life.
For example:
Sugar pie, the way you're hitting my g-**ot, so shall you hit your jackpot.
My sweetness, as you're giving it to me from back and front, so shall your helpers give it to you.
My king, as you're making me to sq**rt like this, so shall your pocket never run dry.
My joy, the way you are eating my p**sy, so shall you eat the fruit of your labour.
Have a nice Tuesday 😝😝😝😝😝😝
💃💃💃💃💃💃💕💕💕💕

24/09/2024

Dear women,
Sometimes, during s*x, instead of dirty talks alone, speak positively into your man's life.
For example:
Sugar pie, the way you're hitting my g-**ot, so shall you hit your jackpot.
My sweetness, as you're giving it to me from back and front, so shall your helpers give it to you.
My king, as you're making me to sq**rt like this, so shall your pocket never run dry.
My joy, the way you are eating my p**sy, so shall you eat the fruit of your labour.
Have a nice Tuesday 😝😝😝😝😝😝
💃💃💃💃💃💃💕💕💕💕

03/01/2024

I walked into a hotel and after going through the menu, I ordered some food. After about 20 mins a group of guys and ladies walked in & ordered theirs. To my dismay, these folks got served first. I watched as they began to eat& laugh heartily. I even overheard one of them bragging about how connected he is to everyone in the hotel and I felt mocked . I decided to leave. Unable to take it anymore , I called the waiter. He calmly told me: "yours is a special order, being prepared by the chief chef himself. Their orders were prepared hurriedly by students on attachment because the top chefs are busy with yours Sir. That's why they were served first. Please have some juice as you wait". I calmed down & waited patiently.
Shortly after, my meal was served by 6 waiters. Unknown to me, the owner of the hotel (who happened to be an old long lost friend of mine) saw me when I entered and decided to surprise me. She changed my simple meal to a five-star meal. The party at the other table were shocked. They couldn't stop staring. Suddenly they were the ones murmuring, asking why they didn't get that kind of service and meal.
Such is life! Some people are ahead of you and are eating now, laughing at you and talking about how they are smarter, wiser and better than you, how they are well connected, blessed, have money and are enjoying life . You are waiting tirelessly wondering why it's taking so long to breakthrough, You endure mockery and humiliation. Maybe you have contemplated su***de, gone throughout depression or suffered severe mental anxiety. Do not worry! The owner of the world has seen u & doesn't want u to be served a simple meal like those making a mockery of you. You're waiting long because yours is a special meal. It takes time to prepare. And only chief chefs prepare them.
Wait for your meal and relax . When it comes that laughing party will be silenced for good.
Matthew honde

Matthew chikondi honde

18/02/2026

14/11/2025

17/06/2025

11/06/2025

22/12/2024

18/11/2024

04/10/2024

01/10/2024

24/09/2024

24/09/2024

03/01/2024

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