17/02/2023
How to assess when our teenagers are “just being a teen” and at what stage does it go beyond hormonal changes?
My angel face daughter started showing signs of depression. Not wanting to overreact and start with labelling her with diagnosis, overloading her with meds we waited and monitored. As soon as I became concerned with her behaviour, we started the journey of doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists. The tests and diagnosis started beginning with depression finalizing on bipolar. She got a life altering diagnosis. Life as she dreamed it to be, would never be. We started the process of shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression and lots and lots of bargaining. I had to watch my daughter fell out of love with life – not wanting to be here anymore. We went through a time where I had to keep her in this life till she had the strength and will to do it on her own. I took her anger and resentment towards me disliking me for forcing her to live. But rather an angry daughter than not having here with us.
One of the struggles (of so many) was the stigma around mental illness. Embarrassment for showing your true self at school, smiling, and saying the right words just to keep society comfortable. A desperate (and very draining) attempt to come across as “normal, the fear of rejection and becoming the topic of conversations. As parents we encountered the same stigma but more of a “it’s all in your mind, she is fine, you are overreacting”, “just teenager”, “she’s manipulating me (that one got me all hot under the collar); “start thinking more positive”, “snap out of it”, “time for a little tough love”. This came from adults..… I felt judged as a parent and I felt the judgment towards my daughter. I walked the journey with her seeing her friends dwindle or treating her differently. Seeing her desperate attempt to be “normal”, to fit in, to wake up and be rid of her diagnosis.
Mental illness IS NOT something temporary, a snapping out of it action, and thinking positive. If it was so easy no one would have mental illnesses. It’s not something anyone would choose. It’s not something that we can get rid of when we are done with it. In most cases mental illness is a life journey, something you must accept and be accepted for.
Mental illness is NOT your fault parents! And it’s not something your child chose. There is no one reason for mental illness – it’s far more complicated than that. The diagnosed person is NOT weak (they are actually the very opposite from weak)
If we do not start these vulnerable conversations the stigma surrounding it will never brake and we far to many people will suffer in silence “behind closed doors, attempting DIY”
Reach out if you are concerned! It’s not an easy journey but it is one that can build resilience. I’s an opportunity to empower our children and build them. It is NOT shameful and should never be judged.
Let’s start these conversations and help our children grow to the very best versions of themselves.
Underneath a brochure on signs of depression.
