13/06/2026
Accepting your death
Bethuna si serious apha I don’t like sluggish adults mna. Yiba serious.
Death phases happen because they have to. Children go through involuntary death phases because they don’t need to be asked, because they don’t understand anything enough to be able to accept the change or reject it. Teething, losing teeth, puberty etc. are all involuntary.
As an adult, your death phases are partially involuntary. You will get the signs and symptoms that you are now at the end of a phase and approaching a new one. It’s still up to you if you accept the change or not. However, the old you will no longer be as it was. That’s why you’ll see a 48 year old “Kuguga othandayo” looking crazy thinking that they are still sexy or charming as they were when they were 19. They kept the mentality of a child but everything else abandoned them, that’s why they look stupid.
Now, when you have to accept your death as an adult, you know very little about just how much you will lose, but it will ALWAYS be EVERYTHING. Zero consolation.
Me for example
I accepted my spiritual duties. Before that I was a good child, a good friend, a good girlfriend, a good relative, a good employee, konke man. Yes there were ups and downs and most of those things didn’t work well for me but I stayed “good”. I was good to people. I forgave people. I was empathetic to people. I prayed for people and consistently focused on the good in people even when they intentionally gave me their bad.
After accepting my spiritual duties, that girl died. I didn’t know that it would be like this. The new woman, the sangoma? Oh she couldn’t take nonsense. She couldn’t accept unfairness. She rejected fakeness even if it was coming from a good place. She rejected lies. She rejected dark entities even if they carried the faces of the people she loved.
That meant that I ended friendships that I had had for over a decade. That meant that I cut ties with my family, the only people I knew. That meant that I cut ties with my mother, the only parent I had. That meant that I cut ties with geographic locations. That meant I cut ties with my formal qualifications and other education ambitions. Hayibo it was endless cutting. None of it was nice. I was distraught for years about this. The endless mourning because it’s loss after loss, of things that meant so so much to me.
But had I kept them, I wouldn’t have gotten here. I was only ever gonna wish and hope, and be miserable because I can never get it. Because the only person who can get what I have now, is the me that I am now. That me would’ve lost all of it within a week, even though she genuinely thought she could handle all of it.
You guys are going through death phases and you think you can simply get what you want but stay as you are.
Ayihambi kanjalo. At all.