19/06/2020
Mom what happened between you and dad asked a 23 years old son.
She replied, son, your dad o na le letsogo. Your dad would say I am going to the shop to buy bread. Three days will go by and he will come back holding alcohol beverage. I would ask him, “where were you?”
She just looked down and when she looked at me, I could see she was trying to hide her tears.
I said “Mom, what happened?” She stretched her hands and told me to look at them and guess what happened. I looked down.
I remember one day he did the same thing and hours gone by and didn’t come back. We were living with your father’s young brother. He said I think I know where he is. It was late. We left and you were sleeping comfortably on my back. We went on a search for your father. We went to about three different places without winning. Until we reached this other tavern. Guess who we saw there? Yeah… with another woman on his lap. His brother went to him and they talked. We left. I received hell of a beating. That’s when I told myself no more. I am done with the relationship.
That’s when it hit me that a lot goes on behind locked doors. Our mothers do go through tough times and they still bath and show up as if nothing happened. Our mothers, aunts, sisters are abused. When they come out or they fail to come out because they are stigmatized. They are told they lead the perpetrators on. They called it upon themselves.
If that’s true, then tell me about this headline “Mpumalanga police search for two men after r**e of 2-year-old girl” When it is not a random stranger is someone close.“uncle who stole nieces’ childhood is jailed for life for double r**e”
Our duties as men is to love, support and protect women, regardless of age. Now women are no longer safe because of us. Why? Why are we doing this to the people who we are supposed to be taking care of?
Studies show that out of 1686 men, 466 of them forced a woman to have s*x with them against their will, a partner, stranger or associate (Jewkes R, Sikweyiya Y, Morrel R and Dunkle K, 2014). South African stats (2018/19) on r**e recorded 41 583 that have been reported and this means an average of 114 r**es are recorded each day (The citizen, 2019). R**e tops the chart of crimes reported in South Africa.
What does that say about us men? I am even ashamed to be called one. When you try to understand why this man r**e, you will find out that it was out of boredom (gang r**e or alone) for entertainment and others seeking entertainment. Jewkes R, Sikweyiya Y, Morrel R and Dunkle K reports that most men who r**e do so for the first ime as teenagers and almost all men who ever r**e do so by their mid-20s (2014). The r**e of young ones often because of the girl wouldn’t tell.
This shows that we men just r**e. We are trash. Our women deserve better. No need to express gender power by ra**ng these innocent women. Having forceful s*x with a virgin will and does not cure HIV. Alcohol have no impact on you except you acting up on your bad decision and r**e.
No one asks to be r**ed. No girl that wears a mini skirt ask to be r**ed and its up to her to wear what they feel like. No every girl that walks at night alone asks to be taught a lesson by r**e, you don’t know where she is from or where she is going, even if you do, doesn’t give you a right to.
I am sorry for all women who suffered in the hands of us men. We need help and guidance from early age as it shows that r**e repeaters started in their teens. Let it be part of our daily news informing and teaching about myths and realities of s*xual assault(r**e). Let our tv dramas, soapie, movies and theatre show us solutions on how to fight and reduce r**e than to show us how one got away with r**e. Let us report these cases when we see them occur and not tolerate it. Let’s avoid coming with suggestions and ways that she might have done to avoid being r**ed but offer them support and assures them that you hear and understand them.
My guy, a No will never be Yes, whether she said it smiling or not. It starts with me and you by not entertaining jokes about r**e. If she’s out of the league doesn’t mean, there won’t be any for you. R**e is not a solution.
Regards
Moreroa Tshepiso
