01/09/2026
If you do most of the talking in a one-to-one - it isn’t a check-in, It’s a briefing.
A recurring calendar invitation, and an even agenda, won’t change that.
A genuine check-in isn’t a performance update disguised as a conversation.
It’s where a leader creates enough space for someone to say what the leader may not want to hear.
There are three levels of listening:
1. Listening to reply:
You’re preparing your response, correction or solution.
2. Listening to understand:
You’re clarifying what is actually being communicated.
3. Listening to connect:
You’re listening beyond the words—to what is being felt, avoided or left unsaid.
The level from which you listen sets the ceiling on the candour you receive.
Interrupt, defend, fix or redirect - and your people will edit.
They’ll tell you what feels safe, not necessarily what you need to know.
If your people only ever give you the polished version, don’t automatically blame their lack of candour.
You may have trained them to give it to you.
So before your next one-to-one, ask yourself:
Am I here to hear what’s really happening?
Or to confirm what I already believe?
A check-in isn’t defined by the question you ask, but by the level of listening you respond from.