12/09/2024
On any other day, I would overthink posting this and I wouldn't post it for fear of oversharing. But today is day so I feel today is the perfect day for it. I think it's important to encourage conversations about how we are feeling as we navigate our life's challenges. So, I am sharing a few of my challenges from the past, and I encourage you to do the same if you are able to.
Video 1
When I was a child I had a secret that weighed heavily on me, to the point that at 11 years of age I considered, in detail, how to take my own life and end it all. When I ran it through my mind and I got to the point where I should have felt relieved, I didn't, instead I felt tremendous guilt about leaving my family and friends to wonder what happened to me and why I disappeared. They would never have guessed what was happening to me, and would have come up with all sorts of stories to make sense of it. I couldn't do that to them.
Video 2
When I was in my late 30's, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, Systemic Scleroderma with Pulmonary Fibrosis, later diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. At the time I was a personal trainer with my own training studio, and it hit me hard. I went from physically fit to feeling like an arthritic 70+ year old with failing lungs. I didn't feel like myself anymore, lost my sense of identity, and it affected every aspect of my life.
Video 3
In my early 40's, despite huge improvements in my health, I woke up one day and I just wasn't myself. It was like the circuit breaker had flicked off in my brain. I considered myself to be mentally strong, I had been through some tough challenges and faired okay. This hit me from out of the blue and bitch-slapped me into the black hole. I never thought in a million years that I would suffer from depression. I believe it is one of those experiences that you will not understand until it happens to you.
