24/07/2026
We picked up a new customer. He’s a Time Lord. 🤷🏻♂️
He turned up next Tuesday in what appeared to be a medieval wardrobe, carrying a stainless steel machine panel under one arm and a parchment drawing under the other. Apparently, he’s building an automated dragon-powered siege engine in the year 1387 and the original control panel had failed its yearly reconning of "Ye Royal Decree Concerning Hoists, Ropes and Things Suspended Above Peasants" (LOLER inspection.)
The brief was fairly straightforward:
⚔️ Commence – activates the primary trebuchet
🛡️ Desist – stops launching livestock into neighbouring kingdoms
🐉 Energised Matter – confirms the dragon is awake and sufficiently irritated
🔧 Recalibrate – adjusts for wind speed, castle-wall thickness and minor disruptions to the space-time continuum
☠️ Dead Man’s Switch – surprisingly, does exactly what it says.
The machine itself runs on 400V three-phase and neutral, which wasn’t widely available in medieval England. But neither were stainless steel enclosures, laser engraving or sensible workplace risk assessments, so we decided not to overthink it.
At his request we laser engraved the full control panel with a knight, dragon, Gothic lettering and suitably elaborate decoration—then added a proper machine identification plate for traceability.
It was manufactured on 22 July 2026, delivered in 1387 and has apparently been running reliably since the Battle of Agincourt.
The customer collected it yesterday, or the day after. Time Lord paperwork is an absolute bastard and payment was a few hand struck coins in a bulls ba***ag purse.
Anyway, whether you’re building modern industrial machinery, medieval siege equipment or something that technically hasn’t been invented yet, we can engrave the control panels.
Javik Laser — permanent industrial identification, serving customers throughout the known realm—and occasionally beyond the accepted boundaries of time..
As you can see we can work from drawings on parchment, the back of fag packets or full cad drawings.
www.javiklaser.com
