09/16/2026
Haven't got us yet, but they sure have tried.
Weâve all walked through a spider web at some point. You survived and youâre here now, so congratulations: the evidence supports this statement.
If youâre currently stuck in a web while reading this, hey, at least youâre still able to scroll social. Priorities.
Once youâve escaped, avoid future sticky situations by carrying a stick while hiking. Hold it out in front of you and pretend youâre Gandalf making your way through Middle-earth. YOU SHALL PASS!
You can also take the day off from being a trailblazer and let someone else take the lead. We know, youâre an Aries. Leadership is basically your love language. But you can do this. Let someone else go first.
If theyâre fairly tall, even better. Consider them your human web detector. Or sleep in and let the early risers clear the trail for you. You can begin your hike around 10 a.m. and heroically rescue them from the consequences of their poor life choices.
And if you somehow make it through the woods without encountering a web? Congratulations. Arenât you special? Make the most of the inevitable flailing dance that follows anyway. More passion! More energy! Umm⌠less passion. Less energy. Youâre scaring the spiders.
P.S. The average spider can spin or repair a web in roughly 30â60 minutes. Something to keep in mind if youâre hiking a one-way trail. (Because you may encounter the same spider again. Awkward.)
Image: Screenshot of post with text, âSpiders: Unsuccessfully trapping hikers since, like, forever.â