Pettina Stanghon

28/10/2026

24/10/2026

18/10/2026

Today is World Menopause Day, and I want to talk about the part of menopause that happens inside relationships.

Perimenopause and menopause can affect sleep, mood, energy, s*xual function and emotional regulation. When somebody’s capacity changes, it inevitably affects the person living alongside them too.

This is where couples can get stuck.

On one side is: “It’s just your hormones.”

A woman can be experiencing significant hormonal changes and still have a legitimate grievance with her partner. Using menopause to dismiss what she’s saying isn’t understanding her experience — it’s avoiding it.

But we can swing too far in the other direction.

Understanding why somebody is more reactive, exhausted or overwhelmed doesn’t mean their behaviour suddenly stops affecting the person beside them.

Your experience deserves compassion. Your behaviour still has an impact.

And that applies to both people.

A partner can struggle with changes in intimacy, communication or connection without dismissing what a woman is experiencing. A woman can need more support and accommodation without being removed from responsibility for how she relates to her partner.

This is what Psychological Adulthood looks like when life gets complicated.

Not deciding who is the problem, but asking: what has changed, what does each person need, and what is each of us responsible for now?

Long-term relationships have to adapt because the people inside them will keep changing.

Menopause is one of those changes.

The goal isn’t to prevent it from affecting the relationship. It’s to become the kind of relationship capable of changing with it.

I’ve explored this more deeply in my latest Substack. Read the full piece via the link: https://pspersepectiveshift.substack.com/p/menopause-isnt-a-relationship-problem?r=rzn0s&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

16/10/2026

You remember it one way...They remember it another.

That doesn't make either of you a liar, and it doesn't make them a manipulator.

Gaslighting is deliberate. It's a sustained campaign to make you doubt your own reality. A memory that doesn't match yours is something else entirely. Memory isn't a recording, it's a reconstruction, and two honest people can walk away from the same conversation holding two different versions of it.

The problem with reaching for the word every time the versions don't line up is that it turns a disagreement into an accusation, and it wears the word out. Real gaslighting gets harder to name when it's been thrown at every argument about what was said.

So before the next round of who's right, try a different question. Not "what happened?", but "how did you experience it?"

What's a moment you and your partner still remember completely differently?

15/10/2026

It's there at 2am. It's free. It never runs out of patience.

The most available therapist right now isn't a person, and more people are opening a chatbot before they ever book an appointment. That's not a future conversation, it's already happening.

And honestly, it's not a bad thing. AI can organise your thinking, sharpen an argument, help you see a pattern you've been circling for years. Used well, it's a genuine thinking partner.

But insight isn't change. A chatbot can’t sit across from you and notice when you’re avoiding the truth. It can't notice when you go quiet, catch your defensiveness in the moment, or hold you to what you said you'd do differently last week. The strongest predictor of successful therapy was never the technique, it was the relationship. Change happens in the friction of being truly seen by another person, and that's the one thing it can't offer.

So use it to become more thoughtful. Just don't mistake understanding the pattern for interrupting it.

Comment ARTIFICIAL to learn more.

14/10/2026

A s*x problem is rarely a s*x problem....

What they actually have is a relationship problem showing up in the bedroom. You don't stop wanting s*x because your body changed overnight. You stop because something changed between the two of you. Resentment, criticism, mental load, unresolved conflict, becoming parents instead of partners.

The wrong question is, "How do we have more s*x?". The right one is, "What happened to us that s*x no longer feels natural?"

S*x isn't just physical. It's an indicator of emotional connection, trust, playfulness and desire. Often, it's the relationship's report card.

Comment S*X and let's unpack this more.

13/10/2026

'Later-life experiences have driven them back to the drug' 💔

13/10/2026

Insight isn't change.

You can understand exactly why you behave the way you do and keep behaving that way anyway. That's the mistake people make with AI. It can help you understand yourself, organise your thoughts, and challenge loose logic. It can't sit across from you while you avoid accountability, notice the moment you touch something uncomfortable, or hold you to what you said you'd do last week.

The quality of your life will still be determined by the quality of your relationships. The people who challenge you. Disagree with you. Hold you accountable. Those relationships will develop you in ways no algorithm ever can.

Have you ever caught yourself using AI for clarity, when what you actually needed was accountability?

11/10/2026

The last week there’s been a lot of discourse in Sessions and online with me imploring people to wait for the facts and not put people in boxes and not be driven by outrage… curiosity always and manage your own reactivity.