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Gigabitnow Simi Valley GigabitNow has been delivering Internet service to communities across the west coast for over 30 years.

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A Simi Valley coffee company has unveiled its latest marketing campaign, designed to appease both customers and shareh...
09/05/2026

A Simi Valley coffee company has unveiled its latest marketing campaign, designed to appease both customers and shareholders with a solution nobody expected: making its advertisements look AI-generated by hand.

Customers had grown frustrated with the company’s reliance on artificial intelligence after the chain began removing water from iced coffees to fund image generation that, critics said, lacked the human touch people expect from a coffee company. In response, executives restored the original coffee pours and hired a makeup artist to manually add AI-style mistakes to every campaign.

The artist’s work includes extra fingers, slightly misplaced features, and the faintly unsettling look of a computer trying to understand a latte. The company said the practical effects team proves that jobs are being created through AI, even if those jobs mostly involve making humans appear replaceable.

“This gives us the best of both worlds,” an executive said. “Our customers can trust that a real human personally added every finger, while our shareholders can continue believing we’ve replaced humans with generative AI.”

Customers praised the decision, saying they were relieved to see the company spending extra money to bring back the human element in advertising.

“It is nice to know they are using practical effects,” one customer said. “We cannot afford to lose the art of cinema just because a coffee company needed another ad.”

Archaeologists have formally withdrawn the asteroid theory after a new excavation revealed that dinosaurs spent their fi...
09/04/2026

Archaeologists have formally withdrawn the asteroid theory after a new excavation revealed that dinosaurs spent their final years waiting for cable uploads to complete.

The revised theory holds that the dinosaurs’ decline was gradual. Large herds reportedly postponed migrations while waiting for vacation footage to back up. Smaller species lost entire afternoons trying to send one 14-second video of a leaf moving in the wind. By the end of the Cretaceous period, scientists believe most dinosaurs have died of boredom.

The research team now recommends that anyone still using cable switch to fiber before another mass extinction event begins from uploading with cable internet.

Most of us have reused a password at some point. It feels easier in the moment, but one exposed password can create a mu...
08/29/2026

Most of us have reused a password at some point. It feels easier in the moment, but one exposed password can create a much bigger mess than it needs to. Give each account its own password. If you don't want to memorize it, use a password manager.

Last night’s lunar eclipse briefly exposed the fast side of the moon, revealing a Rare Fiber Moon glowing over Earth.Wit...
08/28/2026

Last night’s lunar eclipse briefly exposed the fast side of the moon, revealing a Rare Fiber Moon glowing over Earth.

Witnesses reported clearer video calls, faster uploads, and the disappearance of lag and buffering.

Astronomers are still studying the event, but say the moon’s newly visible fast side may be the first celestial body capable of handling a household’s entire internet demand at once.

A Simi Valley couple recently discovered a new “Rumpelstiltskin Fee” on their cable bill shortly after the birth of thei...
08/23/2026

A Simi Valley couple recently discovered a new “Rumpelstiltskin Fee” on their cable bill shortly after the birth of their first child. The charge was brought to their attention when a cable technician arrived at their door to collect the newborn.

“We thought he had the wrong address,” said the father. “Then he showed us the contract with our signature on it.”

The couple called customer support to have the fee removed and after a long wait they were told they should've read their terms of service as there are always hidden fees. The only way for the couple to keep their child, the representative explained, was to correctly name the owner of the cable company.

That has proven difficult. The couple signed up two years ago, and the provider has since gone through three mergers, several name changes, and a series of ownership transfers involving shell companies and private-equity firms.

The technician ultimately left with the baby, as permitted by the contract. The parents continue searching for the company’s true owner.

A local pilot took off Tuesday with a hard drive in the passenger seat, figuring it might be quicker to fly his files st...
08/22/2026

A local pilot took off Tuesday with a hard drive in the passenger seat, figuring it might be quicker to fly his files straight to the cloud than wait for them to upload through his cable internet connection.

"My cable plan costs a fortune and somehow my upload is so slow I’ve seen paint dry with more urgency,” he said before departure. "They tell me my files go 'to the cloud,' so I figured I'd just go find it."

After a few hours in the air, the pilot returned without finding a cloud that could take a file transfer. That evening, while explaining the flight and the fuel receipt to his wife, he learned that fiber internet had finally become available at their home.

“So I could have sent these from the couch?” he said.

A local museum has declined a donation of a cable modem, saying its collection already contains enough obsolete technolo...
08/21/2026

A local museum has declined a donation of a cable modem, saying its collection already contains enough obsolete technology. The owner brought the device to the museum after replacing it, hoping it might join displays of cassette players, rotary phones, and early home computers.

Museum staff said the modem did not meet the collection’s standards because, despite its age and frequent restarts, it was still considered active equipment by the cable company.

“We preserve history here,” said museum spokesperson Dana Morales. “We do not preserve things that are somehow still charging people a monthly rental fee.”

The museum has encouraged the owner to return the modem to the cable provider, where officials say it may be refurbished, reissued, and rented to someone else.

A local rental listing has added $450 to the monthly rent after identifying a beige coaxial cable jack as a “historic fe...
08/17/2026

A local rental listing has added $450 to the monthly rent after identifying a beige coaxial cable jack as a “historic feature” preserved from the home’s original cable era.

“This is not just an outlet,” said the property manager. “It is a glimpse into a time when families gathered around a television, argued about channel 38, and waited seven minutes for the cable box to reboot.”

The listing describes the jack as “full of vintage charm” and notes that it may support services that were discontinued before the current tenant was born.

Prospective renters are encouraged not to touch the outlet, which has reportedly increased in value after being framed in gold.

In an effort to keep up with the latest payment trends, a major cable internet provider announced Tuesday that customers...
08/15/2026

In an effort to keep up with the latest payment trends, a major cable internet provider announced Tuesday that customers will now be asked to tip between 18% and 30% before their monthly service payment can be processed.

The new screen, which appears immediately after customers select “Pay Bill,” allows customers to tip up to 30%, while the “No Tip” option reportedly appears only after entering a 14-digit account number, solving a CAPTCHA, and speaking briefly with a representative located in “a different department.”

Company officials said the gratuities will be split among shareholders, executive retreats, and a small plastic trophy labeled “Most Improved Billing Experience.”

“It’s technically optional,” said a spokesperson, as the payment page remained frozen until a tip was selected. “Like watching the ads before your show.”


Backup codes are the spare key you hope to never need. Save them somewhere secure before a phone, app, or device decides...
08/15/2026

Backup codes are the spare key you hope to never need. Save them somewhere secure before a phone, app, or device decides to be inconvenient.

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