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“We've grown apart” is something I hear quite a bit from couples, and usually by the time someone says it, they're prett...
09/09/2026

“We've grown apart” is something I hear quite a bit from couples, and usually by the time someone says it, they're pretty worried about what it means.

But growing apart doesn't necessarily mean you've stopped loving each other or that the relationship is over. Sometimes life has simply taken over and somewhere along the way you've stopped being a couple and become really good at running a household together.

You talk all the time, but it's about the kids, work, bills, appointments, what's for dinner and who's doing what tomorrow. You might even work really well as a team, but you can't remember the last time you had a conversation that wasn't about organising your life.

And connection usually doesn't disappear overnight. It happens slowly. You stop asking each other things. You spend more time on your phones. You're both tired. S*x becomes less frequent. You stop doing the little things you used to do because there's always something else that needs attention.

Then one day you look at each other and think, how did we get here?

If this is you, I'd start with something really simple. Instead of asking, “Are we still in love?”, ask, When did we stop being interested in each other's world?”

When was the last time you asked your partner how they actually are? What they're thinking about lately? What they're looking forward to? What they're finding hard? What they miss about the two of you?

You don't need to book a romantic weekend away and force yourselves to reconnect by Sunday.

Start with talking again.

I'm creating more Centre 31 relationship resources for exactly this space — couples who aren't necessarily falling apart but know they've lost something along the way and want some help finding their way back to each other.

Sometimes you've grown apart.

Sometimes you've just stopped making space to grow together.

— Chan xo

There's an interesting thing that happens when you're known as the person who can handle things.People believe you.You'r...
09/09/2026

There's an interesting thing that happens when you're known as the person who can handle things.

People believe you.

You're the organiser, problem solver and person everyone calls when something goes wrong. You remember appointments, sort out the kids, help everyone with their problems and somehow keep things moving.

Because you generally DO cope, people assume you're okay.

But capable people don't have unlimited capacity. Sometimes they've simply become incredibly good at functioning while overwhelmed.

I've had people tell me, “I don't understand why I'm struggling. Nothing particularly bad has happened.”

Then we look at their life.

They're working, parenting, managing relationships, supporting other people, carrying financial pressure, not sleeping properly and remembering everybody's needs while quietly putting their own somewhere around number 47.

Nothing happened.

Except everything happened slowly.

We tend to associate needing support with crisis, so people wait until they're completely depleted before deciding they're struggling “enough”.

Support can start much earlier.

Sometimes it begins with saying,
“I can technically keep doing all of this, but I don't want my life to feel like this anymore.”

It might mean looking at boundaries, understanding your warning signs, working out which responsibilities genuinely belong to you or simply having somewhere you don't need to be the capable one.

That's why I'm developing Centre 31 resources around overwhelm, boundaries, emotional regulation and practical self-care.

And by self-care, I don't mean handing an exhausted person a candle and suggesting a bath.

I mean understanding what's draining you and having practical tools to do something about it.

Being capable is a strength.

It just shouldn't mean you have to carry everything.

— Chan

When people picture ADHD, many still picture the child who can't sit still, interrupts the teacher and is constantly bei...
09/09/2026

When people picture ADHD, many still picture the child who can't sit still, interrupts the teacher and is constantly being told to settle down.

For many women, it looked completely different.

It might have been daydreaming, losing things, talking a lot, procrastinating until panic kicked in, forgetting what they were doing halfway through doing it, feeling emotions intensely or being able to organise everything for everyone else while their own life felt chaotic.

They may have heard, “You're so smart, if you'd just apply yourself”, “You're too sensitive”, “You need to be more organised” or the incredibly helpful, "Just make a list.”

There's a fair chance she's already made the list. There may actually be seven lists.

ADHD can affect executive functions involved in starting tasks, prioritising, remembering, estimating time, shifting attention and regulating emotions.

Then adulthood adds work, relationships, children, appointments, bills, housework, school emails and the general mental load of keeping a life running.

Eventually the systems that helped someone appear like they were coping may stop being enough.

That's when the question becomes, "Why can't I cope anymore?”

Sometimes a better question is, “How hard have I been working to LOOK like I'm coping?”

Understanding ADHD isn't about making excuses. It's about understanding your brain well enough to build strategies that actually work for it.

I'm developing Centre 31 resources around ADHD, overwhelm, executive functioning and emotional regulation so keep any eye out.

— Chan

Have you ever finished an argument with your partner and thought, how the hell are we arguing about this AGAIN?Maybe it'...
08/09/2026

Have you ever finished an argument with your partner and thought, how the hell are we arguing about this AGAIN?

Maybe it's housework, money, s*x, the kids, someone's phone or something you've asked for twenty times. You've talked about it before, yet somehow you're back in the kitchen having the same argument with slightly different words.

Often couples get stuck arguing about the event rather than what the event actually means.

“You're always on your phone” might sound like criticism, so the response becomes, “I've hardly been on it!” But underneath it might actually mean, “I miss you” or “I don't feel important when we're together anymore.”

“You never help around here” quickly turns into someone producing evidence like they're appearing before the Supreme Court of Household Chores. But underneath might be, “I feel like I'm carrying this family by myself.”

Relationship research, including the work of John and Julie Gottman, reminds us that healthy relationships aren't relationships without disagreement. What matters is how couples manage conflict, understand each other and repair when things go wrong.

So next time you're having THAT argument, stop trying to prove who's right for a minute and ask yourself: What am I actually needing my partner to understand?

If you're listening, try asking: “What's the hardest part of this for you?”

You might discover there's an entirely different conversation underneath.

This is why “just communicate better” isn't particularly useful advice. Most couples ARE communicating. They're often just stuck talking about the surface problem.

I'll be sharing more practical relationship tools and Centre 31 resources to help couples recognise these patterns and have better conversations at home.

You don't have to wait until your relationship is falling apart to start looking after it.

— Chan

Together Couples Program...You love each other. You're just not always speaking the same language.That's exactly why I c...
05/06/2026

Together Couples Program...

You love each other.
You're just not always speaking the same language.

That's exactly why I created Together.
It's a 30-day program delivered to your inbox every morning.
Personalised from both questionnaires - genuinely tailored to you both.
- One personalised email for each of you, built around where you actually are as a couple.

It's for couples who are still showing up
- to work, to life, to each other
- but who quietly know something could be better between them.

✓ You feel like you're talking at each other rather than to each other
✓ Something's been a bit flat lately and you can't quite name it
✓ You want more intimacy, emotionally, physically, or both
✓ You love each other. You just want to do it better.

One email each, every morning. Under 2 minutes to read.
A small task to do together. $97 AUD for both of you.

That's it. Link in bio or head to centre31.com.au/together-1

💬 Is this your relationship right now? Tag your person.

"Why do I feel this way in my relationship? I shouldn't, right?"Let's squash that thought.  Your feelings aren't the ene...
04/06/2026

"Why do I feel this way in my relationship? I shouldn't, right?"

Let's squash that thought. Your feelings aren't the enemy. They're like a personal GPS - pointing you toward what you value and where something needs attention. Here's the thing about relationship tension: most couples don't have a communication problem.

They have a safety problem. You can learn every script and tool in the book. But if your nervous system doesn't feel safe with your partner, none of it sticks.

So next time things escalate,
try this: Pause.
Take a breath.

Ask yourself:
- What do I actually need right now?
- Am I saying this in a way my partner can actually hear?

That second question is the game changer. 💬
What's the thing that always sets off the same argument?

"So why were some parents emotionally immature?"I want to break it down with what I actually know.Because emotional matu...
03/06/2026

"So why were some parents emotionally immature?"

I want to break it down with what I actually know.

Because emotional maturity isn't automatic. It doesn't just appear when you have a baby. It's a skill. And a lot of people were never taught it - or never saw it modelled.

Some parents grew up in survival mode....
Some were raised in homes where feelings got you punished or ignored.
Some were dealing with their own unresolved stuff and had nothing left.
And some just... weren't willing to do the work.
None of that makes it okay. But it does make it make sense.

Here's what it looks like growing up with an emotionally immature parent:
- They guilt-trip instead of listen
- They blow up or go completely silent during conflict
- Somehow everything becomes about them
- You hear "you're too sensitive" or "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

You are not crazy for being affected by this. You didn't imagine it.
You're not broken. Your nervous system just learned to protect itself before it ever got the chance to feel safe enough to connect because that's what you had to do to survive. And here's the thing: that wiring can change.

It starts with getting honest about your patterns.
Where did you learn to go quiet?
To over-explain?
To apologise before you've even done anything?

Then you learn to name your triggers instead of being hijacked by them.
Then ... slowly.... you start practising something different.

Saying things like "I need some space to process this" instead of shutting down or exploding.

It will feel fake at first. Do it anyway. That's literally how the brain rewires.
It's not a quick fix. But it is possible.

💬 Did you grow up with emotionally immature parents? Tell me how it shaped you - I genuinely want to know.

Back to You ProgramWhat if you could feel like yourself again — without waiting for a crisis first?That's what Back to Y...
02/06/2026

Back to You Program

What if you could feel like yourself again — without waiting for a crisis first?

That's what Back to You is for. It's a 30-day self-paced program I created for the people who are still showing up — to work, to family, to life — but who are quietly running on empty inside.

If any of these sound familiar:
→ You're exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't fix
→ Things that used to matter feel flat or far away
→ Your mind is foggy, scattered, or hard to switch off
→ You've been pushing through for so long you've forgotten what "okay" feels like

This program was made for you. It's not therapy. It's not a generic 10-step program. It's built around YOU — your life, your starting point, your timeline. One short email every morning.
Evidence-based. Genuinely personalised. And created by me.

Link in bio or head to centre31.com.au/bty-info 💙

I didn't think it was bad enough to come and see someone.I hear this almost every single week.  And honestly? It breaks ...
01/06/2026

I didn't think it was bad enough to come and see someone.

I hear this almost every single week. And honestly? It breaks my heart every time. Because by the time most people get to me, they've been white-knuckling it for months. Years, sometimes.

Here's the thing — you don't need to be in crisis to deserve support. You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need to have hit rock bottom. Counselling is for the slow burn. The quiet exhaustion.

The "I'm fine" you say to everyone while running on empty underneath. You're not taking up space that someone else needs more. You're not being dramatic. You're just a person who's been carrying something heavy for too long. That's enough of a reason.

🧠 ADHD & PMDD 🧠 Almost half of women with ADHD also have PMDD. And most spend years not knowing the two are even connect...
23/05/2026

🧠 ADHD & PMDD 🧠

Almost half of women with ADHD also have PMDD. And most spend years not knowing the two are even connected.

If your ADHD feels completely unmanageable the week before your period — that is not a coincidence, and it is not in your head.

Let’s break down what is actually happening 👇

First — what even is PMDD?

Most people have heard of PMS. PMDD is different. It’s not just feeling a bit off or bloated before your period. PMDD is a condition where the hormonal shifts of your cycle trigger severe emotional and physical symptoms that can make daily functioning genuinely difficult.

We’re talking:
❌ Severe mood swings and irritability
❌ Depression and feelings of hopelessness
❌ Intense anxiety
❌ Crippling fatigue
❌ Brain fog and difficulty concentrating
❌ Sleep disruption
❌ Physical pain — bloating, breast tenderness, muscle aches

And this isn’t just “a rough few days.” For many women, this is 10 to 14 days of every single month. That’s nearly half their life.

So why does ADHD make it so much worse?

Both ADHD and PMDD affect the exact same neurotransmitters — dopamine and serotonin. These are the chemicals responsible for your mood, focus, motivation, emotional regulation, and ability to feel calm.

In ADHD, dopamine signalling is already dysregulated. That’s the foundation of so many ADHD symptoms — the impulsivity, the difficulty focusing, the emotional intensity, the executive dysfunction.

Now add a menstrual cycle that causes dopamine and serotonin to fluctuate dramatically every single month, and you start to understand why so many women with ADHD feel like they are living two completely different lives depending on where they are in their cycle.

Your cycle is literally changing your brain chemistry every month

Here’s something that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough:

🟢 First half of your cycle (period to ovulation): Oestrogen is rising. And oestrogen actually supports dopamine and serotonin production. Many women with ADHD report feeling MORE focused, MORE capable, and MORE like themselves during this phase. Executive function improves. Mood stabilises. Things feel manageable.

🔴 Second half of your cycle (ovulation to period): Progesterone rises and oestrogen begins to drop. And when oestrogen drops, it takes your neurotransmitters with it. Focus deteriorates. Emotional regulation becomes harder. Restlessness increases. Tasks that felt easy two weeks ago now feel impossible.

For women with ADHD and PMDD, this second half of the cycle can feel like a completely different neurological experience. Because it is.

And here’s the part that stops so many women functioning to their capacity 👇

Your ADHD medication may actually become less effective during your luteal phase.

This isn’t a placebo effect. Research suggests that the hormonal shifts in the second half of the cycle — when oestrogen drops and progesterone rises — can reduce the effectiveness of stimulant medications. The same dose that works perfectly during your follicular phase may feel like it does almost nothing in the week before your period.

This is also why symptoms can worsen during postpartum and perimenopause — both periods of significant oestrogen decline.

Why does this go unrecognised for so long?

A few reasons:

🌼 ADHD in women has historically been underdiagnosed and misunderstood. Medicine only recently began recognising how differently ADHD presents in women compared to men.

🌼 PMS and PMDD are often dismissed or minimised, even by healthcare providers.

🌼 When you’re living with both, the symptoms blur together and it becomes very difficult to identify what is causing what.

🌼 Most women are never told that their hormones and their ADHD are in constant conversation with each other. So they spend years blaming themselves for falling apart every month, not realising there is a biological explanation.

What actually helps?

📆 Track your cycle alongside your symptoms. This is genuinely one of the most powerful things you can do. When you can see the pattern, you can start to plan around it, advocate for yourself, and understand that the hard weeks are not a reflection of who you are.

🍲 Nutrition matters more than most people realise. Calcium, magnesium, B6, vitamin D, and omega-3 fatty acids have all shown support for both PMDD symptoms and brain health. Blood sugar stability — eating regular meals with protein and fibre — also plays a significant role in mood and focus across the cycle.

🏃‍♂️ Movement is one of the most evidence-backed tools available. Exercise releases endorphins, supports dopamine, improves sleep, and reduces anxiety and depression. Even 150 minutes of moderate movement per week can make a meaningful difference.

😴 Sleep hygiene is non-negotiable. Both ADHD and PMDD wreak havoc on sleep. A consistent sleep and wake time, a wind-down routine, and a sleep-friendly environment all support hormone balance and cognitive function.

🧘 Stress reduction is not a luxury — it’s a clinical need. Mindfulness, yoga, meditation, and acupuncture have all shown measurable reductions in PMDD symptoms. Acupuncture in particular has shown up to a 50% reduction in PMS and PMDD symptoms in some research.

🧠 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has strong evidence behind it for PMDD — particularly for those who haven’t found full relief through medication. If you’re seeking support, look for someone with specific knowledge of ADHD, as not all therapists are across the unique ways it presents in women.

💊 Talk to your doctor. There are evidence-based pharmaceutical options. Medication isn’t the only answer but it is a valid and effective one for many people.

The bottom line

If you have ADHD and your symptoms spike every month before your period — there is a reason. Your brain chemistry and your hormones are deeply intertwined, and for women with ADHD the impact of that hormonal fluctuation is significantly amplified.

The more we talk about this, the more women get answers sooner.

Save this. Share it. Tag someone who has been searching for an explanation. 💙

Chan x

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